____ wanted to dress as a turn signal for Halloween, but apparently nobody in my city knows what the hell that is.
____ thinks that Police departments should be required every Nov 1 to post mug shots of people arrested in their Halloween costumes.
____ Reason #67 that I had children: I get to play "candy inspector" after Trick-Or-Treating on Halloween. I deserve the best candy.
____ has yet to decide what I'm going to be for Halloween other than drunk.
____ If you have to tell people that you're a ninja for Halloween, then your ninja costume sucks.
____ My neighbor was dressed up like a ghost, sheet faced and full of boos.
____ wishes that I was the type of person who had the foresight to plan an awesome Halloween costume.
____ this Halloween. I'm going to be a banker. I'll eat all my candy, all yours, then convince the government that if I don't get more candy we'll all starve.
____ wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don't solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
____ likes to buy bags of Halloween candy and boxes of razor blazes just to see the look on the cashier's face.
____ That cauldron of Halloween candy has been undressing me with its eyes from across the room all night...come here you.
____ hopes nobody else dresses up as Justus von Liebig, Father of biochemistry who recorded minerals in plant ash and proposed the law of minimum.
____ thinks that Larry King, asleep on my porch, would be one hell of a Halloween decoration.
____ This year's least popular Halloween candy will probably be, as always, Reese's Feces.
____ May the bits of me that hang out of my costume not cause you to throw up your festively colored beverages this all hallows eve!