____ is sorry that my drunken outburst at Thanksgiving secured me a seat at the kids' table on Christmas.
____ is going to drink enough on Christmas morning that I get to enjoy the revelation of my presents again once I regain consciousness.
____ was going to shop and wrap holiday gifts, but I guess I could just get drunk and throw up instead.
____ is thinking that my level of holiday cheer is on the same bell curve as my blood alcohol level.
