____utterly despises sarcastic Facebook Status Updates.
____ is upset that somehow my master plan to attract women by playing the megatouch all night has failed me again.
____ is going to write that down in my "Things I don't give a crap about" notebook.
____ is sorry about that Rick Rolling stage I went through a year after it was funny.
____ There will be plenty of time to check your "Facebook" when you're living in a VAN down by the river (Chris Farley reference).