Friday, December 25, 2009

Only a few more days for you to screw up before you resolve to be a better person. New Year's Resolution Facebook Status updates!

____ my New Year's resolution is to continue being awesome.
____ thinks that gaining 20 lbs over the holidays is making my New Year's resolution of losing 10 less impressive.
____ is going to stop tagging pictures of myself in pictures when I'm not in them.
____ is going to start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
____ is resolving to no longer be condescending to morons in 2011. Poor things can't help it.
____ thinks that 2010 has left me bitter and wondering whether you might be available sometime soon to hear me complain about it.
____ is going to spend New Year's on Facebook wishing everyone a happy New Year.
____ is planning on finding new and interesting things to hate about my job in 2011.
____ 's New Year's Resolution is to adhere to my resolutions for longer than 24 hours.
____ My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full (of either rum, vodka, or whiskey).
____ thinks that "youth" is when you're allowed to stay up on New Year's Eve. "Middle age" is when you're forced to.
____ is going to ring in the new year by consuming a year's worth of alcohol in six hours.
____ is actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
____ My resolution is to somehow change the world's negative perception of cellulite.
____ is certain that this year I'm going to get my life in orderish.