____ Why do we always start a fresh and new year hungover?
____ is setting more realistic New Year's resolutions this year, like never doing anything right and not pleasing anyone.
____ resolves to not let the New Year peer pressure me into making promises I'm not going to keep.
____ 2011: another 3,153,600 seconds for me to mess up.
____ Happy New Beer.
____ can't believe it's been a year since I didn't become a better person. (someecards)
____ is going to join a gym in 2011 and possibly even attend.
____ New Year's Eve is my favorite alcoholiday.
____ It's New Year's Day and my first resolution for the year is to NEVER DRINK AGAIN. Ugh.
____ isn't making any new resolutions this year because I'm still working on the ones from 2007.
____ Happy "Posing for Facebook Photos" Eve!!
____ is hoping that the New Year brings me the ridiculously unattainable things that 2010 didn't.
____ Facebook will soon become the world's leading source of unwanted information about people's New Year's resolutions.
____ will stop using Facebook as the primary form of communication with my friends in 2011.
____ Fun Fact: 2011 is also the sum of 11 CONSECUTIVE prime numbers: 2011= 157 + 163 + 167 + 173 + 179 + 181 + 191 + 193 + 197 + 199 + 211
Like these? I post a new status update on my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE every single day. Become a fan! I know you have a choice when you "borrow" Facebook Status updates. I'm grateful that today, you chose mine. That makes me happy. When I'm happy, I write Facebook status updates.
In conclusion: Keep reading my blog and using my status updates, and I will continue to write them. Do you think you are clever? Send me a status update that you have used and had success with at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. If I publish it, I'll give you credit. Thanks for stopping by!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
New Facebook status updates, 12/20/10:
Kids these days:
____ Kids, when I was your age, the ENTIRE family shared one phone, and it was attached to the kitchen wall by a cord. We couldn't even update our Facebook status from it.
Bad day?
____ Life’s like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it craps all over you.
Drinking:
____ Drinking won't solve your problems, but it will give you lots of interesting new ones.
Observation:
____ You can't make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
Aging:
____ sometimes wishes that I WASN'T old enough to know better.
Holiday Facebook Status update:
____ Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
Fan update:
____ feels that I would totally be into the Christmas spirit if it came in a glass and on the rocks.... (thanks, Joseph Lauria!)
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Do you know a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
____ Kids, when I was your age, the ENTIRE family shared one phone, and it was attached to the kitchen wall by a cord. We couldn't even update our Facebook status from it.
Bad day?
____ Life’s like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it craps all over you.
Drinking:
____ Drinking won't solve your problems, but it will give you lots of interesting new ones.
Observation:
____ You can't make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
Aging:
____ sometimes wishes that I WASN'T old enough to know better.
Holiday Facebook Status update:
____ Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
Fan update:
____ feels that I would totally be into the Christmas spirit if it came in a glass and on the rocks.... (thanks, Joseph Lauria!)
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Do you know a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 12/14/10::
Holiday Facebook status update:
____ Instead of a holiday letter summarizing all I've done this year, I’m going to print out all my Facebook Status updates and stuff them in the cards. Much easier. (from my Fan Page)
Some more HOLIDAY SEASON updates from reader Rob (thanks, Rob!):
____ You know what I like about snow? Not a damn thing.
____ finds "Santa Baby" misleading. Last I checked there weren't women beating down doors for fat, married men who work one day a year.
____ It's so cold outside Mi Tung iz stuk to diz stadas udate.
____ Asked Santa for a million dollars...I got a candy cane....Santa's generosity is greatly exaggerated.
Behaving:
____ Only the good die young. So most of us are pretty safe.
Overachievers:
____ People who say they give 110% are not only cocky, but incredibly bad at math. 110% is impossible, you idiot.
Work:
____ would like to replace the coffee machine at work with a jello-shot machine. (from my Fan Page)
Observation about clowns:
____ bets that the first guy to ever dress up as a clown was really creepy.
Status update about Mondays:
____ Today is my favorite day of the week to be melodramatic about what day of the week it is.
Want comments?
____ The police never think it's as funny as I do.
Fan updates:
____ is feeling kinda vague. (thanks, Lorne Loder!)
____ ****NEW FACEBOOK GAME~~~ Inbox me your Bank Account or Credit Card number (be sure to give me the expiration date and 3 digit security code) and I will post in my status which bill or Christmas gift I used it for. Let's play!!!**** (thanks, Jennifer Wilson!)
Wise quote:
____ “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.” Ashleigh Brilliant
____ Instead of a holiday letter summarizing all I've done this year, I’m going to print out all my Facebook Status updates and stuff them in the cards. Much easier. (from my Fan Page)
Some more HOLIDAY SEASON updates from reader Rob (thanks, Rob!):
____ You know what I like about snow? Not a damn thing.
____ finds "Santa Baby" misleading. Last I checked there weren't women beating down doors for fat, married men who work one day a year.
____ It's so cold outside Mi Tung iz stuk to diz stadas udate.
____ Asked Santa for a million dollars...I got a candy cane....Santa's generosity is greatly exaggerated.
Behaving:
____ Only the good die young. So most of us are pretty safe.
Overachievers:
____ People who say they give 110% are not only cocky, but incredibly bad at math. 110% is impossible, you idiot.
Work:
____ would like to replace the coffee machine at work with a jello-shot machine. (from my Fan Page)
Observation about clowns:
____ bets that the first guy to ever dress up as a clown was really creepy.
Status update about Mondays:
____ Today is my favorite day of the week to be melodramatic about what day of the week it is.
Want comments?
____ The police never think it's as funny as I do.
Fan updates:
____ is feeling kinda vague. (thanks, Lorne Loder!)
____ ****NEW FACEBOOK GAME~~~ Inbox me your Bank Account or Credit Card number (be sure to give me the expiration date and 3 digit security code) and I will post in my status which bill or Christmas gift I used it for. Let's play!!!**** (thanks, Jennifer Wilson!)
Wise quote:
____ “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.” Ashleigh Brilliant
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
New and witty Facebook status updates, 12/08/10:
'Tis the season:
____ This time every year I dispose of my disposable income.
____ My Christmas "spirit" is 80 Proof.
____ would like to kick "Old Man Winter" down a flight of stairs. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Bad language:
____ thinks that swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
Fan updates:
____ thinks that diamonds are a girl's best friend. And I always have room for more friends. Always. (thanks, Jenni More!)
____ is at that point in the day where I point out that point in the day. (thanks, Phil Stark)
Kids:
____ Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
More Holiday status updates from "Rob":
____ Due To the poor econmony Holiday Cheer will be distributed in Shot Glasses.
____ has decided to take Frosty the Snowman out for some Flaming Dr. Peppers. What's the worst that could happen?
____ is wondering why his Stocking smells like feet.
Wise quote:
____ "We learn something every day, and lots of times it’s that what we learned the day before was wrong." —Bill Vaughan
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Do you know a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
____ This time every year I dispose of my disposable income.
____ My Christmas "spirit" is 80 Proof.
____ would like to kick "Old Man Winter" down a flight of stairs. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Bad language:
____ thinks that swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
Fan updates:
____ thinks that diamonds are a girl's best friend. And I always have room for more friends. Always. (thanks, Jenni More!)
____ is at that point in the day where I point out that point in the day. (thanks, Phil Stark)
Kids:
____ Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
More Holiday status updates from "Rob":
____ Due To the poor econmony Holiday Cheer will be distributed in Shot Glasses.
____ has decided to take Frosty the Snowman out for some Flaming Dr. Peppers. What's the worst that could happen?
____ is wondering why his Stocking smells like feet.
Wise quote:
____ "We learn something every day, and lots of times it’s that what we learned the day before was wrong." —Bill Vaughan
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Do you know a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Some of my favorite Christmas Facebook status updates:
____ is excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?
____ just assumes that everyone on my Christmas list has been terrible. Makes things easier.
____ Dear Santa, I was framed.
____ Santa Claus: He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you are awake. Sounds like Santa has Facebook.
____ thinks that if I keep this up, the Christmas miracle will be me getting my jeans buttoned.
____ It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.
____ Merry drunk! I'm Christmas!
____ While assuring children that Santa really does exist, I'm often quick to add "unlike you" just to keep them on their toes.
____ wonders that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.
____ Just a reminder in these tough economic times that instead of spending five dollars on my Christmas card, you could just give me five dollars.
____ All I want for Christmas is you. Just kidding! I want a new car.
____ I've been bad a few times this year, but it was worth it...you judgmental fat bastard!
____ is starting to think that Santa just isn't that into me.
____ This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I've decided to give everyone my opinion.
____ is dreaming of a white Christmas. But, if the white runs out, I'll drink the red.
____ tries to be unusually kind and compassionate to those around me during the Holidays, because I never know who will end up being my Secret Santa.
____ is against any holiday that separates me from my money.
____ "Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year." - Victor Borge
One of my readers, Rob, sent me a few Holiday Facebook status updates:
____ A song told me to Deck the Halls...so I did. Mr.and Mrs. Hall are not very happy.
____ Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving.
____ took 1st place in the Reindeer games.
____ is having a spirited game of "got your nose" with a snowman. I'm totally kicking his ass!
Thanks, Rob!
____ just assumes that everyone on my Christmas list has been terrible. Makes things easier.
____ Dear Santa, I was framed.
____ Santa Claus: He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you are awake. Sounds like Santa has Facebook.
____ thinks that if I keep this up, the Christmas miracle will be me getting my jeans buttoned.
____ It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.
____ Merry drunk! I'm Christmas!
____ While assuring children that Santa really does exist, I'm often quick to add "unlike you" just to keep them on their toes.
____ wonders that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.
____ Just a reminder in these tough economic times that instead of spending five dollars on my Christmas card, you could just give me five dollars.
____ All I want for Christmas is you. Just kidding! I want a new car.
____ I've been bad a few times this year, but it was worth it...you judgmental fat bastard!
____ is starting to think that Santa just isn't that into me.
____ This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I've decided to give everyone my opinion.
____ is dreaming of a white Christmas. But, if the white runs out, I'll drink the red.
____ tries to be unusually kind and compassionate to those around me during the Holidays, because I never know who will end up being my Secret Santa.
____ is against any holiday that separates me from my money.
____ "Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year." - Victor Borge
One of my readers, Rob, sent me a few Holiday Facebook status updates:
____ A song told me to Deck the Halls...so I did. Mr.and Mrs. Hall are not very happy.
____ Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving.
____ took 1st place in the Reindeer games.
____ is having a spirited game of "got your nose" with a snowman. I'm totally kicking his ass!
Thanks, Rob!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
New and clever Facebook status updates, 12/02/10:
GOOGLE now beatboxes?
1) Go to Google Translate
2) Set the translator to translate German to German
3) Copy + paste the following into the translate box: pv zk pv pv zk pv... zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpkzvpvzk kkkkkk bsch
4) Click “listen.” You're welcome.
Money (or lack of):
____ People say that money can't buy happiness. I say I haven't yet secured sufficient funding to conduct a sound study on this subject. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ is so poor that the alarm system in my house is a sheet of bubble wrap on the floor.
Annoying people:
____ Turtles can breathe out of their butt, which is incredible, considering most humans can only talk out of theirs. (from my FAN PAGE)
Grammar:
____ The next one to correct my "who" with a "whom" will be the smartest, bloodiest person in my general vicinity. (thanks, Sarah Viceman!)
Drinking:
____ is thankful that my liver hasn't left me, despite my constant abuse. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Actually, officer, I prefer to think that scotch smells like me. (thanks, Ron McClain!)
____ It's not drinking alone if there's a mirror in the room, right? (from my FAN PAGE)
Work:
____ Apparently my boss has NOT heard the saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder."
____ The thing I hate most about the office holiday party is looking for a new job the next day. (from my FAN PAGE)
Bad day?
____ thinks that sometimes my life feels like a choose-your-own-adventure-novel gone bad.
Aging:
____ is definitely older. Not sure about wiser...
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Do you know a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
1) Go to Google Translate
2) Set the translator to translate German to German
3) Copy + paste the following into the translate box: pv zk pv pv zk pv... zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpkzvpvzk kkkkkk bsch
4) Click “listen.” You're welcome.
Money (or lack of):
____ People say that money can't buy happiness. I say I haven't yet secured sufficient funding to conduct a sound study on this subject. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ is so poor that the alarm system in my house is a sheet of bubble wrap on the floor.
Annoying people:
____ Turtles can breathe out of their butt, which is incredible, considering most humans can only talk out of theirs. (from my FAN PAGE)
Grammar:
____ The next one to correct my "who" with a "whom" will be the smartest, bloodiest person in my general vicinity. (thanks, Sarah Viceman!)
Drinking:
____ is thankful that my liver hasn't left me, despite my constant abuse. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Actually, officer, I prefer to think that scotch smells like me. (thanks, Ron McClain!)
____ It's not drinking alone if there's a mirror in the room, right? (from my FAN PAGE)
Work:
____ Apparently my boss has NOT heard the saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder."
____ The thing I hate most about the office holiday party is looking for a new job the next day. (from my FAN PAGE)
Bad day?
____ thinks that sometimes my life feels like a choose-your-own-adventure-novel gone bad.
Aging:
____ is definitely older. Not sure about wiser...
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Do you know a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
What am I thankful for? My readers are the best! Here are some of my favorite reader-submitted status updates:
____ is dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong. (thanks, Nate Combs!)
____ has a new philosophy to foster peace and harmony in the universe: GIVE ME WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT. (thanks, Nathan Smith!)
_____ thinks that about 50 years from now, tombstones will read: "Beloved wife, mother, sister, daughter...and Facebook friend" (thanks, Katie Grainger!)
____ wonders how we really know that hard work never killed anybody, when the only reliable witness may be dead? (thanks, Angela S!)
____ thinks that teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant. (thanks, Alexandra Bingham!)
____ "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek. (thanks, Joseph Perez)
____ thinks that my inability to use emoticons correctly is really getting me down :) (thanks, Jenni Wilson!)
____ knows that two wrongs don't make a right, but I'm determined to find out just how many wrongs will. (thanks, Jase Doe!)
____ sees your passive-aggressive sarcasm, and I'll raise you, one finger. (thanks, Mary McClure!)
____ would like to inform everyone that Helen Waite is now in charge of all rush orders. If you are in a hurry, just go to Helen Waite. (thanks, Kelly Kern!)
____ bets the road to hell looks just like a Walmart parking lot.(thanks, Kim Staggs!)
____ can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before I discovered Facebook... (thanks, Angela Coe!)
Are you a fan of my blog? Clearly, you have excellent taste! Do you pride yourself on writing unique Facebook status updates of your own? Send them to me at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com and if I like them, I'll publish them and give you credit. As always, thanks for reading!
____ has a new philosophy to foster peace and harmony in the universe: GIVE ME WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT. (thanks, Nathan Smith!)
_____ thinks that about 50 years from now, tombstones will read: "Beloved wife, mother, sister, daughter...and Facebook friend" (thanks, Katie Grainger!)
____ wonders how we really know that hard work never killed anybody, when the only reliable witness may be dead? (thanks, Angela S!)
____ thinks that teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant. (thanks, Alexandra Bingham!)
____ "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek. (thanks, Joseph Perez)
____ thinks that my inability to use emoticons correctly is really getting me down :) (thanks, Jenni Wilson!)
____ knows that two wrongs don't make a right, but I'm determined to find out just how many wrongs will. (thanks, Jase Doe!)
____ sees your passive-aggressive sarcasm, and I'll raise you, one finger. (thanks, Mary McClure!)
____ would like to inform everyone that Helen Waite is now in charge of all rush orders. If you are in a hurry, just go to Helen Waite. (thanks, Kelly Kern!)
____ bets the road to hell looks just like a Walmart parking lot.(thanks, Kim Staggs!)
____ can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before I discovered Facebook... (thanks, Angela Coe!)
Are you a fan of my blog? Clearly, you have excellent taste! Do you pride yourself on writing unique Facebook status updates of your own? Send them to me at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com and if I like them, I'll publish them and give you credit. As always, thanks for reading!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
A few new FACEBOOK status updates, 11/18/10:
Booze:
____ Some things time cannot erase. That's why alcohol exists. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
____ If a tree fell in the woods and knocked over my beer, I'd be pissed whether I heard it or not.
Bad day?
____ is living the dream! Unfortunately, I think it's the bad one where I come to school with no pants on.
Growing up (or not):
____ The older I get, the more I desperately cling to my immaturity.
Other drivers:
____ Driving schools: Failing to teach people how to properly merge since the beginning of time. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Whiners:
____ the people who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.
Words of wisdom:
____ Always use tasteful words because you may have to eat them.
Work:
____ Nothing ruins a perfectly pleasant day like going to work. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Boring day?
____ thinks that the most fearless thing I did today was take a sip of my coffee without checking to see if it was too hot.
____ Some things time cannot erase. That's why alcohol exists. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
____ If a tree fell in the woods and knocked over my beer, I'd be pissed whether I heard it or not.
Bad day?
____ is living the dream! Unfortunately, I think it's the bad one where I come to school with no pants on.
Growing up (or not):
____ The older I get, the more I desperately cling to my immaturity.
Other drivers:
____ Driving schools: Failing to teach people how to properly merge since the beginning of time. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Whiners:
____ the people who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.
Words of wisdom:
____ Always use tasteful words because you may have to eat them.
Work:
____ Nothing ruins a perfectly pleasant day like going to work. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Boring day?
____ thinks that the most fearless thing I did today was take a sip of my coffee without checking to see if it was too hot.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 11/15/10:
Facebook Status updates about WORK:
____ Do you know that feeling when you have a lot of work to do and you don't know where to start? That's why I'm on Facebook.
____ They say that hard work never killed anybody but I'm hoping my boss will be the first. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
____ Raise your hand if you would add your boss as a Facebook friend. Now with the other hand slap yourself in the face. (thanks, Keith Wells!)
Sarcastic Facebook Status update:
____ What a good morning!* *Facebook status update may or may not contain BS.
Feeling unappreciated?
____ thinks that worst feeling in the world is when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you.
____ It's becoming very clear that I'm getting the "Winner of Nothing" award for 2010.
Friendship:
____ If your friends aren't making fun of you, they're not really your friends. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Insomnia:
____ is lying here unable to sleep, thinking about tomorrow when I'll be lying here unable to wake up.
Deep thought:
____ wishes God hadn't hidden all of my talents so well. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Do you know a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
____ Do you know that feeling when you have a lot of work to do and you don't know where to start? That's why I'm on Facebook.
____ They say that hard work never killed anybody but I'm hoping my boss will be the first. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
____ Raise your hand if you would add your boss as a Facebook friend. Now with the other hand slap yourself in the face. (thanks, Keith Wells!)
Sarcastic Facebook Status update:
____ What a good morning!* *Facebook status update may or may not contain BS.
Feeling unappreciated?
____ thinks that worst feeling in the world is when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you.
____ It's becoming very clear that I'm getting the "Winner of Nothing" award for 2010.
Friendship:
____ If your friends aren't making fun of you, they're not really your friends. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Insomnia:
____ is lying here unable to sleep, thinking about tomorrow when I'll be lying here unable to wake up.
Deep thought:
____ wishes God hadn't hidden all of my talents so well. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Do you know a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
Funny picture to post on Facebook:
Thanks to my buddies at FUNNY ON FACEBOOK!
Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates
Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates
Sunday, November 7, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 11/7/10:
Google:
____ Whenever I Google something, I get so distracted by the absurd things others have Googled that I rarely get my answer. (from my FB Fan Page)
Laziness:
____ thinks that procrastination is exhausting.
Facebook Status update about Mondays:
____ Today is Monday, and that's reason enough for me to hate it. (from my FB Fan Page)
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ This Facebook Status update has absolutely no nutritional value.
Drinking:
____ would drink more water if it were packed with barley, hops and grains.
____ If you're going to walk a mile in my shoes, can you pick me up some booze on your way back? (from my FB Fan Page)
____ People who can't find happiness aren't in a liquor store. (from my FB Fan Page)
Uncertainty:
____ always contradicts myself. No I don't. (from my FB Fan Page)
Mistakes:
____ feels like nobody is ever *really* listening until I make a mistake.
____ The only thing I've learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them.
Individuality:
____ has my own way of doing things...generally clumsy and usually late. (from my FB Fan Page)
Flu season:
____ Everybody get your flu shots now! Make sure all of your family and friends do too. Then I won't have to get one.
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
____ Whenever I Google something, I get so distracted by the absurd things others have Googled that I rarely get my answer. (from my FB Fan Page)
Laziness:
____ thinks that procrastination is exhausting.
Facebook Status update about Mondays:
____ Today is Monday, and that's reason enough for me to hate it. (from my FB Fan Page)
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ This Facebook Status update has absolutely no nutritional value.
Drinking:
____ would drink more water if it were packed with barley, hops and grains.
____ If you're going to walk a mile in my shoes, can you pick me up some booze on your way back? (from my FB Fan Page)
____ People who can't find happiness aren't in a liquor store. (from my FB Fan Page)
Uncertainty:
____ always contradicts myself. No I don't. (from my FB Fan Page)
Mistakes:
____ feels like nobody is ever *really* listening until I make a mistake.
____ The only thing I've learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them.
Individuality:
____ has my own way of doing things...generally clumsy and usually late. (from my FB Fan Page)
Flu season:
____ Everybody get your flu shots now! Make sure all of your family and friends do too. Then I won't have to get one.
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
Monday, November 1, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 11/01/10
Procrastination:
____ was planning to do something today, but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Stupidity:
____ Learning from your own mistakes is the biggest mistake you can make. Carefully observe the stupidity of others and learn from theirs instead.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so as not to appear a complete shut-in who hasn't left the house. -Sent from my iPhone
Bad day?
____ hates when reality stomps its filthy feet all over my happy place.
Apathy:
____ If being apathetic is wrong, then I don’t care.
Blame:
____ Sometimes I realize that I *am* the problem but it feels better to blame you people.
____ thinks that talking louder does not make you any less wrong. (from my Facebook FAN PAGE)
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
For more "Fan Page" Status updates, click HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE. I know you have a choice when choosing websites to "steal" Facebook Status updates from. I'm happy that today, wherever you are in the world, you chose mine. I update often, so check back!
____ was planning to do something today, but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Stupidity:
____ Learning from your own mistakes is the biggest mistake you can make. Carefully observe the stupidity of others and learn from theirs instead.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so as not to appear a complete shut-in who hasn't left the house. -Sent from my iPhone
Bad day?
____ hates when reality stomps its filthy feet all over my happy place.
Apathy:
____ If being apathetic is wrong, then I don’t care.
Blame:
____ Sometimes I realize that I *am* the problem but it feels better to blame you people.
____ thinks that talking louder does not make you any less wrong. (from my Facebook FAN PAGE)
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
For more "Fan Page" Status updates, click HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE. I know you have a choice when choosing websites to "steal" Facebook Status updates from. I'm happy that today, wherever you are in the world, you chose mine. I update often, so check back!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
"BEST FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE" WEEK:
Mystatusisbaddest.com is one year old this month, and I'm celebrating by publishing my favorites this entire week. Thanks for coming back to see the third batch of my favorite status updates from this past year:
____ I bet if Einstein had Facebook to waste time with he wouldn't have been all like smart and stuff. (original blog post HERE)
____ Do what you love, and the money will follow, unless what you love is Facebook. (original blog post HERE)
____ is wondering what kind of loser spends Thursday night drinking and bragging about it on Facebook? Anyway, I'm totally drunk. (original blog post HERE)
____ has no sense of direction. For example, I have no idea where I am going with this status update. (original blog post HERE)
____ is pretty tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they've never even heard of vodka before. (original blog post HERE)
____ Whenever you feel lost and lonely, just remember that I'm probably close by stalking you on Facebook. (original post HERE)
____ Facebook: It's like a party, but you don't have to wait your turn to speak. (original post HERE)
____ You wouldn't believe how much time it's taken for me to send this Facebook Status update from a payphone. (original blog post HERE)
____ Thanks to Facebook, I no longer check breaking news, celebrity obituaries or wonder what the current weather is like. (original blog post HERE)
____ thinks there is an idiot in every family. If you don't know who it is in yours...it's you. (original blog post HERE)
____ I bet if Einstein had Facebook to waste time with he wouldn't have been all like smart and stuff. (original blog post HERE)
____ Do what you love, and the money will follow, unless what you love is Facebook. (original blog post HERE)
____ is wondering what kind of loser spends Thursday night drinking and bragging about it on Facebook? Anyway, I'm totally drunk. (original blog post HERE)
____ has no sense of direction. For example, I have no idea where I am going with this status update. (original blog post HERE)
____ is pretty tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they've never even heard of vodka before. (original blog post HERE)
____ Whenever you feel lost and lonely, just remember that I'm probably close by stalking you on Facebook. (original post HERE)
____ Facebook: It's like a party, but you don't have to wait your turn to speak. (original post HERE)
____ You wouldn't believe how much time it's taken for me to send this Facebook Status update from a payphone. (original blog post HERE)
____ Thanks to Facebook, I no longer check breaking news, celebrity obituaries or wonder what the current weather is like. (original blog post HERE)
____ thinks there is an idiot in every family. If you don't know who it is in yours...it's you. (original blog post HERE)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
"BEST FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES" WEEK
Mystatusisbaddest.com is one year old this month, and I'm celebrating by publishing my favorites this entire week. Thanks for coming back to see the second batch of my favorite status updates from this past year:
____ Google turned 12 this year, which means we only have one year left to use it. When it becomes a teenager, it won't answer anything. (original post HERE)
____ They have tracking on Facebook so your family and friends know where you are? If I wanted them to know where I was I would answer my phone. (original post HERE)
____ loves doing the “scroll of shame” the morning after drinking. That's when I walk through all the stuff I shouldn't have done on Facebook the night before. (original post HERE)
____ thinks some people have all the luck. They're called "cheaters."(original post HERE)
____ thinks this class just got interesting!!! They're threatening to take away someone's iPho (original post HERE)
____ just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren't home. So from now on, I'm at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile. (original post HERE)
____ How do you keep a Facebook user in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow. (original post HERE)
____ thinks spell check is for the week.(original post HERE)
Come back tomorrow for more of my favorite Facebook status updates from the last year! Think you can do better? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com with your status update. If I like it, I'll post it. Thanks!
Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates
____ Google turned 12 this year, which means we only have one year left to use it. When it becomes a teenager, it won't answer anything. (original post HERE)
____ They have tracking on Facebook so your family and friends know where you are? If I wanted them to know where I was I would answer my phone. (original post HERE)
____ loves doing the “scroll of shame” the morning after drinking. That's when I walk through all the stuff I shouldn't have done on Facebook the night before. (original post HERE)
____ thinks some people have all the luck. They're called "cheaters."(original post HERE)
____ thinks this class just got interesting!!! They're threatening to take away someone's iPho (original post HERE)
____ just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren't home. So from now on, I'm at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile. (original post HERE)
____ How do you keep a Facebook user in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow. (original post HERE)
____ thinks spell check is for the week.(original post HERE)
Come back tomorrow for more of my favorite Facebook status updates from the last year! Think you can do better? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com with your status update. If I like it, I'll post it. Thanks!
Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates
Monday, October 25, 2010
"BEST FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES" WEEK:
I simply cannot believe that I've been writing MY STATUS IS BADDEST for a year now, people. All week I will share with you a few of my favorite Facebook status updates I've written for you to steal and use as your own. You're welcome.
____ Irony is people complaining about Facebook's privacy settings when every other update is about their weekly visit to their gynecologist. (original post HERE)
____ should pay a psychiatrist to follow me on Facebook. Then we can skip the therapy sessions and he can just send me the appropriate pills based on my status updates. (original post HERE)
____ was going to write a meaningful new Facebook status update, filled with deep, thoughtful sentiments, but screw that. (original post HERE)
____ Thanks to Facebook, even choosing how to WASTE my time is stressful. (original post HERE)
____ is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome. (Original post HERE)
____ thinks my biggest problem with the younger generation is that I'm not in it. (original post HERE)
____ Two guys walk into a bar. I was one of them. I don't remember anything else. (original post HERE)
____ thinks that what I like most about myself is that I'm so understanding when I do something wrong. (original post HERE)
____ likes Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Rebecca. (original post HERE)
____ Idiot, n. - One who disagrees with me. (original post HERE)
Come back tomorrow to see the next batch of my favorite FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES from the last year, and thanks for reading!
____ Irony is people complaining about Facebook's privacy settings when every other update is about their weekly visit to their gynecologist. (original post HERE)
____ should pay a psychiatrist to follow me on Facebook. Then we can skip the therapy sessions and he can just send me the appropriate pills based on my status updates. (original post HERE)
____ was going to write a meaningful new Facebook status update, filled with deep, thoughtful sentiments, but screw that. (original post HERE)
____ Thanks to Facebook, even choosing how to WASTE my time is stressful. (original post HERE)
____ is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome. (Original post HERE)
____ thinks my biggest problem with the younger generation is that I'm not in it. (original post HERE)
____ Two guys walk into a bar. I was one of them. I don't remember anything else. (original post HERE)
____ thinks that what I like most about myself is that I'm so understanding when I do something wrong. (original post HERE)
____ likes Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Rebecca. (original post HERE)
____ Idiot, n. - One who disagrees with me. (original post HERE)
Come back tomorrow to see the next batch of my favorite FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES from the last year, and thanks for reading!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 10/24/10:
Kids:
____ Telling a kid they're tired is like telling a drunk person they're drunk. Anger and denial follows.
Aging:
____ while most people are becoming older and wiser, I'm becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
Honesty:
____ always tells the truth because having to remember lies makes my brain hurt.
____ believes every single word you say. It's when you put them together to form a sentence that I think it's BS. (from my FB Fan Page, updated daily!)
What?
____ doesn't want to hear another word about my poor listening skills.
Work:
____ thinks that my fondest memory of my boss was before we met. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Wine/Bad day:
____ will be in WTF mode with a bottle of wine until further notice.
____ has only had one glass of wine. Glass, bottle... whatever. A bottle is glass, right?
Laziness:
____ is happy to report that it's been another successful day of not getting a single thing accomplished. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
I've been writing MY STATUS IS BADDEST for an entire year now! I want to thank you for your continual theft of the status updates I've written. Your Facebook friends must think you are pretty clever by now. Each day this week I will post some of my favorites, so come back every day! I'll keep writing new Facebook Status updates as long as you keep coming back for more. Thanks, everybody!
____ Telling a kid they're tired is like telling a drunk person they're drunk. Anger and denial follows.
Aging:
____ while most people are becoming older and wiser, I'm becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
Honesty:
____ always tells the truth because having to remember lies makes my brain hurt.
____ believes every single word you say. It's when you put them together to form a sentence that I think it's BS. (from my FB Fan Page, updated daily!)
What?
____ doesn't want to hear another word about my poor listening skills.
Work:
____ thinks that my fondest memory of my boss was before we met. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Wine/Bad day:
____ will be in WTF mode with a bottle of wine until further notice.
____ has only had one glass of wine. Glass, bottle... whatever. A bottle is glass, right?
Laziness:
____ is happy to report that it's been another successful day of not getting a single thing accomplished. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
I've been writing MY STATUS IS BADDEST for an entire year now! I want to thank you for your continual theft of the status updates I've written. Your Facebook friends must think you are pretty clever by now. Each day this week I will post some of my favorites, so come back every day! I'll keep writing new Facebook Status updates as long as you keep coming back for more. Thanks, everybody!
Friday, October 22, 2010
MY MOM IS ON FACEBOOK:
From Saturday Night Live last weekend. Hilarious (not really safe for work, though)!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 10/16/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ just read a Facebook status update that was so confusing, I had no idea what they meant. Then I realized it was mine.
____ When I'm dead, these Facebook Status updates will be worth twice as much.
____ was sitting, doing nothing and realized that I could be on Facebook, sitting and doing nothing too. So here I am. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ As a Social Networking Expert, I have evaluated your Facebook activity and your status updates. My conclusion: You're all crazy. (from my FB Fan Page)
Deep thoughts:
____ Life experiences are like quarters, you lose both when you are sitting around on the couch.
____ heard that people who talk to themselves tend to be extremely smart. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that.
Coffee:
____ cannot be held responsible for anything you may have told me before I had my coffee. (from my FB Fan Page)
Want comments?
____ is conducting a Facebook alcohol survey. "Like" this status if you are in the mood for an alcoholic beverage... (thanks, Keith Wells!)
Drinking/making mistakes:
____ guesses that it's time to roll up my sleeves and begin drinking. These life-changing mistakes aren't going to make themselves, people!
Friendship:
____ Therapists charge a ton of money to diagnose neuroses. Friends do it at no charge. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ just read a Facebook status update that was so confusing, I had no idea what they meant. Then I realized it was mine.
____ When I'm dead, these Facebook Status updates will be worth twice as much.
____ was sitting, doing nothing and realized that I could be on Facebook, sitting and doing nothing too. So here I am. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ As a Social Networking Expert, I have evaluated your Facebook activity and your status updates. My conclusion: You're all crazy. (from my FB Fan Page)
Deep thoughts:
____ Life experiences are like quarters, you lose both when you are sitting around on the couch.
____ heard that people who talk to themselves tend to be extremely smart. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that.
Coffee:
____ cannot be held responsible for anything you may have told me before I had my coffee. (from my FB Fan Page)
Want comments?
____ is conducting a Facebook alcohol survey. "Like" this status if you are in the mood for an alcoholic beverage... (thanks, Keith Wells!)
Drinking/making mistakes:
____ guesses that it's time to roll up my sleeves and begin drinking. These life-changing mistakes aren't going to make themselves, people!
Friendship:
____ Therapists charge a ton of money to diagnose neuroses. Friends do it at no charge. (from my FB Fan Page)
Monday, October 11, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 10/11/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ I bet if Einstein had Facebook to waste time with he wouldn't have been all like smart and stuff. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
____ Do what you love, and the money will follow, unless what you love is Facebook. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
____ Considering the millions who use Facebook, someone SOMEWHERE must be typing the same word at the same time as me. Jinx. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Success:
____ likes to think that success is overrated.
Drinking:
____ is getting ready to enter the "drinking" portion of the evening.
____ thinks that it's people that give drinking a bad name.
On being prepared (or not):
____ thinks that there is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
____ If I knew what I was doing it would be a nice change of pace.
____ I bet if Einstein had Facebook to waste time with he wouldn't have been all like smart and stuff. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
____ Do what you love, and the money will follow, unless what you love is Facebook. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
____ Considering the millions who use Facebook, someone SOMEWHERE must be typing the same word at the same time as me. Jinx. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Success:
____ likes to think that success is overrated.
Drinking:
____ is getting ready to enter the "drinking" portion of the evening.
____ thinks that it's people that give drinking a bad name.
On being prepared (or not):
____ thinks that there is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
____ If I knew what I was doing it would be a nice change of pace.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 10/07/10:
Sneaky people:
____ If a person smiles all the time, they're probably selling something that doesn’t work.
Success:
____ if at first you DO succeed, someone's going to think you cheated. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Random thought:
____ is drinking 2% milk and wondering what in the hell the other 98% is.
Facebook status updates about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook is providing the technology for my random thoughts to be ignored by far more people than ever before.
____ By "liking" this Facebook status update, you're agreeing to my terms of service.*
*involves giving me money and/or beer (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Smart-ass Facebook status update for your birthday:
____ Thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone who noticed my name today in the upper right corner of their Facebook page. (someecards)
Patience:
____ is not impatient, I just want it done right this second.
Bad day?
____ wishes I could just CONTROL + ALT + DELETE this entire day. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
____ "Don't Give a Crap Day" is tomorrow. But nobody gives a crap so there aren't any cards. (thanks, John Mortimer)
Become a FAN ON FACEBOOK andstroke my ego see new Facebook Status updates daily! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. I will publish those that my twisted mind enjoys.
____ If a person smiles all the time, they're probably selling something that doesn’t work.
Success:
____ if at first you DO succeed, someone's going to think you cheated. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Random thought:
____ is drinking 2% milk and wondering what in the hell the other 98% is.
Facebook status updates about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook is providing the technology for my random thoughts to be ignored by far more people than ever before.
____ By "liking" this Facebook status update, you're agreeing to my terms of service.*
*involves giving me money and/or beer (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Smart-ass Facebook status update for your birthday:
____ Thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone who noticed my name today in the upper right corner of their Facebook page. (someecards)
Patience:
____ is not impatient, I just want it done right this second.
Bad day?
____ wishes I could just CONTROL + ALT + DELETE this entire day. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
____ "Don't Give a Crap Day" is tomorrow. But nobody gives a crap so there aren't any cards. (thanks, John Mortimer)
Become a FAN ON FACEBOOK and
Monday, October 4, 2010
New and Funny Facebook Status updates, 10/04/10:
Friendship:
____ My friends and I have been through so much together, and most of it was their fault.
Money (or lack of):
____ has no desire for money. It's stuff that I want.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook is like a fridge. If you’re bored you keep opening & closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good there. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ Every time you post a cryptic Facebook status update about someone because you don't have the guts to say who you are talking about, I'm going to assume it's about me. (from my FB Fan Page)
Bad day?
____ is feeling whelmed. Overly so.
Deep thought:
____ In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group. (from my FB Fan Page)
Restraint:
____ has a strong will, but a weak won't.
Stupid people:
____ There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ My friends and I have been through so much together, and most of it was their fault.
Money (or lack of):
____ has no desire for money. It's stuff that I want.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook is like a fridge. If you’re bored you keep opening & closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good there. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ Every time you post a cryptic Facebook status update about someone because you don't have the guts to say who you are talking about, I'm going to assume it's about me. (from my FB Fan Page)
Bad day?
____ is feeling whelmed. Overly so.
Deep thought:
____ In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group. (from my FB Fan Page)
Restraint:
____ has a strong will, but a weak won't.
Stupid people:
____ There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots. (from my FB Fan Page)
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 9/29/10:
Facebook status updates about work:
____ Based on my current rate of income, I estimate that I could retire comfortably about 143 years after my death.
____ What does it mean to be productive? I will think about this question while sitting in my new, awesome manila folder igloo at work.
____ snuck a bunch of booze into work today using my stomach. (TIP: Don't use this one if your boss is your Facebook friend)
Facebook status update about Facebook:
____ gets disappointed every time I'm in the bank and it doesn't get robbed because I'd love to talk about that in my Facebook Status update.
Wanna sound smart?
____ Studies show it's okay for me to just say "studies show" in front of whatever I want to say and that makes it true. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Pet peeves:
____ hates when people say "when all is said and done" when, in reality, they never stop saying things and doing stuff. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Mistakes:
____ thinks that anybody can make a mistake. It takes real dedication to make all of them.
____ Based on my current rate of income, I estimate that I could retire comfortably about 143 years after my death.
____ What does it mean to be productive? I will think about this question while sitting in my new, awesome manila folder igloo at work.
____ snuck a bunch of booze into work today using my stomach. (TIP: Don't use this one if your boss is your Facebook friend)
Facebook status update about Facebook:
____ gets disappointed every time I'm in the bank and it doesn't get robbed because I'd love to talk about that in my Facebook Status update.
Wanna sound smart?
____ Studies show it's okay for me to just say "studies show" in front of whatever I want to say and that makes it true. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Pet peeves:
____ hates when people say "when all is said and done" when, in reality, they never stop saying things and doing stuff. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Mistakes:
____ thinks that anybody can make a mistake. It takes real dedication to make all of them.
Monday, September 27, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 9/27/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ Facebook has made it completely impossible to complain that you were unaware of your friend's birthday.
____ The best version of any given Facebook Status update is always the one you think of just after you post the original.
Google:
____ Google turned 12 this week, which means we only have one year left to use it. When it becomes a teenager, it won't answer anything. (from my FB Fan Page)
Trust:
____ Never trust anyone who says, "I'm not supposed to tell anyone but...."
Bad day?
____ thinks that if I could fly like a bird, I know who I'd poop on first.
____ Some days I feel like I only have two brain cells and they are too busy arguing for me to accomplish anything. (from my FB Fan Page).
____ the "parallel universe" version of me must be having a terrific day.
Math:
____ If I had a nickel for everytime someone asked if I was bad at math, I'd have $0.62 cents.
Become a FAN ON FACEBOOK andstroke my ego see new Facebook Status updates daily! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. I will publish those that my twisted mind enjoys.
____ Facebook has made it completely impossible to complain that you were unaware of your friend's birthday.
____ The best version of any given Facebook Status update is always the one you think of just after you post the original.
Google:
____ Google turned 12 this week, which means we only have one year left to use it. When it becomes a teenager, it won't answer anything. (from my FB Fan Page)
Trust:
____ Never trust anyone who says, "I'm not supposed to tell anyone but...."
Bad day?
____ thinks that if I could fly like a bird, I know who I'd poop on first.
____ Some days I feel like I only have two brain cells and they are too busy arguing for me to accomplish anything. (from my FB Fan Page).
____ the "parallel universe" version of me must be having a terrific day.
Math:
____ If I had a nickel for everytime someone asked if I was bad at math, I'd have $0.62 cents.
Become a FAN ON FACEBOOK and
Friday, September 24, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 9/24/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ They have tracking on Facebook so your family and friends know where you are? If I wanted them to know where I was I would answer my phone. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
____ Logging off Facebook is like trying to get away from the bar. It's always, "I'll just have one more..."
____ Rmbr – dooont updt yr staus whljik you driv. It is dngrou7s.
Ego:
____ Has anyone else noticed that mirrors look really sexy?
Random deep thought:
____ thinks it's interesting that the first half of your life, people tell you what to do. For the second half, they tell you what you should have done.
Getting along with others:
____ has decided that I will be a team player when I get paid like a pro athlete. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Booze:
____ Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn't drinking enough of it. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
____ does some of my best drinking when I'm drunk.
Work:
____ tries to cut down on the number of mistakes I make at work by coming in late.
Become a FAN ON FACEBOOK andstroke my ego see new Facebook Status updates daily! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. I will publish those that my twisted mind enjoys.
____ They have tracking on Facebook so your family and friends know where you are? If I wanted them to know where I was I would answer my phone. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
____ Logging off Facebook is like trying to get away from the bar. It's always, "I'll just have one more..."
____ Rmbr – dooont updt yr staus whljik you driv. It is dngrou7s.
Ego:
____ Has anyone else noticed that mirrors look really sexy?
Random deep thought:
____ thinks it's interesting that the first half of your life, people tell you what to do. For the second half, they tell you what you should have done.
Getting along with others:
____ has decided that I will be a team player when I get paid like a pro athlete. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Booze:
____ Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn't drinking enough of it. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
____ does some of my best drinking when I'm drunk.
Work:
____ tries to cut down on the number of mistakes I make at work by coming in late.
Become a FAN ON FACEBOOK and
Monday, September 20, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 9/20/10:
Fan update:
____ is wondering why every energy drink on the planet glows in the dark and tastes like detergent. (thanks, Claudia Rode!)
Work/Sarcasm:
____ thinks that criticism of my job performance is welcome, as long as you go to hell afterwards.
Multitasking:
____ Updating my Facebook Status from the treadmill really isn't that diffic (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Knowledge:
____ thinks that when you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when you're finished.
Rebellion:
____ When someone asks me to do something, often my instinct is to do the opposite. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Drinking:
____ thinks that my liver just gave me two weeks notice.
Procrastination:
____ needs more time in the day to properly put off the thing I want to avoid doing.
Facebook + Drinking:
____ loves doing the “scroll of shame” the morning after drinking. That's when I walk through all the stuff I shouldn't have done on Facebook the night before. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for ALMOST A YEAR now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ is wondering why every energy drink on the planet glows in the dark and tastes like detergent. (thanks, Claudia Rode!)
Work/Sarcasm:
____ thinks that criticism of my job performance is welcome, as long as you go to hell afterwards.
Multitasking:
____ Updating my Facebook Status from the treadmill really isn't that diffic (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Knowledge:
____ thinks that when you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when you're finished.
Rebellion:
____ When someone asks me to do something, often my instinct is to do the opposite. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Drinking:
____ thinks that my liver just gave me two weeks notice.
Procrastination:
____ needs more time in the day to properly put off the thing I want to avoid doing.
Facebook + Drinking:
____ loves doing the “scroll of shame” the morning after drinking. That's when I walk through all the stuff I shouldn't have done on Facebook the night before. (from my FB FAN PAGE)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for ALMOST A YEAR now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
New and Funny Facebook Status updates, 9/16/10:
Life is strange:
____ is beginning to feel like every day of my life is like an open tryout for a wacky new reality television show.
Generalizations:
____ thinks that you stereotypes are all alike.
People can be jerks:
____ doesn't think that certain people are a "waste of space". I just think their space could be better occupied by air. (from my FB Fan Page)
Laundry:
____ forgot to put an anti-static sheet in the dryer and now I'm afraid of my clothes.
Drinking/Being Drunk:
____ has been thinking a lot lately. Did I say "thinking"? I meant "drinking." (from my FB Fan Page)
____ drinks to make other people interesting.
____ thinks that if you eat a balanced breakfast, everything else is part of that balanced breakfast, including a bottle of vodka 13 hours later.
Funny Quote:
____ "I'd like to take a toothpick and throw it into a forest and say, 'You're home.'" -Mitch Hedberg
____ is beginning to feel like every day of my life is like an open tryout for a wacky new reality television show.
Generalizations:
____ thinks that you stereotypes are all alike.
People can be jerks:
____ doesn't think that certain people are a "waste of space". I just think their space could be better occupied by air. (from my FB Fan Page)
Laundry:
____ forgot to put an anti-static sheet in the dryer and now I'm afraid of my clothes.
Drinking/Being Drunk:
____ has been thinking a lot lately. Did I say "thinking"? I meant "drinking." (from my FB Fan Page)
____ drinks to make other people interesting.
____ thinks that if you eat a balanced breakfast, everything else is part of that balanced breakfast, including a bottle of vodka 13 hours later.
Funny Quote:
____ "I'd like to take a toothpick and throw it into a forest and say, 'You're home.'" -Mitch Hedberg
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
New and Funny Facebook Status updates, 9/12/10:
Laziness:
____ looked at my unmade bed this morning and decided it was art in another medium and I should not destroy it.
Good advice:
____ is going to have to start following my brain. My heart is clearly an idiot. (from my FB Fan Page)
Bad day?
____ feels like life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ Sometimes, I wish I could delete other people's Facebook Status updates. (from my FB Fan Page)
Mondays suck:
____ would complain more about Monday, but there is still the rest of the week to mess up everything.
Drinking:
____ Oh vodka, you know I can't stay mad at you!
____ If you're drunk and you know it, hand your claps. (from my FB Fan Page)
Exercise:
____ ran this morning and there was absolutely nothing chasing me.
I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ looked at my unmade bed this morning and decided it was art in another medium and I should not destroy it.
Good advice:
____ is going to have to start following my brain. My heart is clearly an idiot. (from my FB Fan Page)
Bad day?
____ feels like life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ Sometimes, I wish I could delete other people's Facebook Status updates. (from my FB Fan Page)
Mondays suck:
____ would complain more about Monday, but there is still the rest of the week to mess up everything.
Drinking:
____ Oh vodka, you know I can't stay mad at you!
____ If you're drunk and you know it, hand your claps. (from my FB Fan Page)
Exercise:
____ ran this morning and there was absolutely nothing chasing me.
I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 9/8/10:
Facebook Status updates about FACEBOOK:
____ Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened to someone else and you have the photos you can upload and tag them in on Facebook. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ Sometimes likes to send Facebook Status updates from my phone just to make it look like I left the house today.
____ Facebook: Where people go to re-experience their childhood rejection & acceptance issues all over again.
Work:
____ thinks that some days going to work is like being waved into a way too enthusiastic conga line.
Procrastination:
____ thinks that procrastination has it's good side: You always have something to do tomorrow.
Fan update:
____ doesn't need to walk a mile in your shoes. I can see you're a train wreck from all the way over here. (thanks, Lori Anne Glassco!)
School/Sarcasm:
____Two things I love more than ANYTHING in this world: Going to class and being sarcastic.
"Chain emails"
____ It's 2010, people. Can we stop with the forwarding of emails threatening bad luck if they aren't forwarded to everyone we know? Thanks.
Sloth:
____ is so lazy today that I cant even finish a (from my FB Fan Page)
Rules:
____ will play fair when I get to make up the rules.
Of course, if you become a FAN ON FACEBOOK, you willstroke my ego see new Facebook Status updates daily. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. I will publish those that my twisted mind enjoys.
____ Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened to someone else and you have the photos you can upload and tag them in on Facebook. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ Sometimes likes to send Facebook Status updates from my phone just to make it look like I left the house today.
____ Facebook: Where people go to re-experience their childhood rejection & acceptance issues all over again.
Work:
____ thinks that some days going to work is like being waved into a way too enthusiastic conga line.
Procrastination:
____ thinks that procrastination has it's good side: You always have something to do tomorrow.
Fan update:
____ doesn't need to walk a mile in your shoes. I can see you're a train wreck from all the way over here. (thanks, Lori Anne Glassco!)
School/Sarcasm:
____Two things I love more than ANYTHING in this world: Going to class and being sarcastic.
"Chain emails"
____ It's 2010, people. Can we stop with the forwarding of emails threatening bad luck if they aren't forwarded to everyone we know? Thanks.
Sloth:
____ is so lazy today that I cant even finish a (from my FB Fan Page)
Rules:
____ will play fair when I get to make up the rules.
Of course, if you become a FAN ON FACEBOOK, you will
Saturday, September 4, 2010
New Funny Facebook Status updates, 9/04/10:
Hungover?
____ feels like Nick Nolte's mugshot.
____ is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
____ thinks that the problem with being an drunken time traveller is not being able to remember a single thing about tomorrow.
Mistakes:
____ has learned that there are at least three different ways to end up with the same mistake.
Life is Good:
____ is feeling so good today, I'd like to ask you to high-five the person next to you and tell them it's from me.
Exercise (or lack of):
____ is counting the past 2 hours of lying on the couch *not* going to the gym as resistance training.
Bills:
____ isn't sure what's so "outstanding" about this bill? It seems pretty ordinary to me.
Productivity:
____ My list of things that I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List.
Google:
____ is so dependent on the Google "Did you mean ____?" that I barely bother to spell anything even remotely correctly anymore.
Funny Quotation:
____ "Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil." -Emo Philips
____ feels like Nick Nolte's mugshot.
____ is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
____ thinks that the problem with being an drunken time traveller is not being able to remember a single thing about tomorrow.
Mistakes:
____ has learned that there are at least three different ways to end up with the same mistake.
Life is Good:
____ is feeling so good today, I'd like to ask you to high-five the person next to you and tell them it's from me.
Exercise (or lack of):
____ is counting the past 2 hours of lying on the couch *not* going to the gym as resistance training.
Bills:
____ isn't sure what's so "outstanding" about this bill? It seems pretty ordinary to me.
Productivity:
____ My list of things that I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List.
Google:
____ is so dependent on the Google "Did you mean ____?" that I barely bother to spell anything even remotely correctly anymore.
Funny Quotation:
____ "Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil." -Emo Philips
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 8/31/10:
Drinking:
____ The first rule of Hangover Club is: SHHHH. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that ignoring things doesn't make them go away, it makes them drunk-dial you.
____ is an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use my liver for is "after" photos. (Angela Helga via FUNNY ON FACEBOOK)
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ gets all of my weather from Facebook.
____ If a creepy person asks why you never add your location to your Facebook Status updates, it's probably a good idea to never add your location to your Facebook Status updates.
____ Does all this updating my Facebook status make my ego look fat? (thanks, Bradley Burns!)
____ On Facebook nobody can hear you scream. Unless you carefully and precisely explain in your Facebook Status update that you are, in fact, screaming.
Words of wisdom:
____ thinks that, at this point in my life, I am surprised by nothing and baffled by everything.
Mornings suck:
____ Time flies when you're throwing your alarm clock across the room. (from my FB Fan Page)
Funny Quote:
____ "I just read that Facebook has reached 500 million users. Congrats to everyone who helped create history's largest stalker buffet." -Conan O'Brien
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
____ The first rule of Hangover Club is: SHHHH. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that ignoring things doesn't make them go away, it makes them drunk-dial you.
____ is an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use my liver for is "after" photos. (Angela Helga via FUNNY ON FACEBOOK)
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ gets all of my weather from Facebook.
____ If a creepy person asks why you never add your location to your Facebook Status updates, it's probably a good idea to never add your location to your Facebook Status updates.
____ Does all this updating my Facebook status make my ego look fat? (thanks, Bradley Burns!)
____ On Facebook nobody can hear you scream. Unless you carefully and precisely explain in your Facebook Status update that you are, in fact, screaming.
Words of wisdom:
____ thinks that, at this point in my life, I am surprised by nothing and baffled by everything.
Mornings suck:
____ Time flies when you're throwing your alarm clock across the room. (from my FB Fan Page)
Funny Quote:
____ "I just read that Facebook has reached 500 million users. Congrats to everyone who helped create history's largest stalker buffet." -Conan O'Brien
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
New and Witty Facebook Status updates:
Stress:
____ has found that the best stress reliever in life is not giving a crap.
Want comments?
____ Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Dating:
____ avoids "online dating sites" because they match you up with people who share your interests and I don’t want to go out with a weirdo. (from my FB Fan Page)
Fun play on words:
____ has never had an out-of-body experience. But I've had an out-of-experience body most of my life.
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ If you call to ask if I received the Facebook message you just sent me, you will suffer a slow death. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ Farmville? Meh. Wake me up when they launch "Margaritaville".
People can be jerks:
____ thinks that it's time to stop treating others the way you want to be treated. The others stopped years ago.
____ has found that the best stress reliever in life is not giving a crap.
Want comments?
____ Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Dating:
____ avoids "online dating sites" because they match you up with people who share your interests and I don’t want to go out with a weirdo. (from my FB Fan Page)
Fun play on words:
____ has never had an out-of-body experience. But I've had an out-of-experience body most of my life.
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ If you call to ask if I received the Facebook message you just sent me, you will suffer a slow death. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ Farmville? Meh. Wake me up when they launch "Margaritaville".
People can be jerks:
____ thinks that it's time to stop treating others the way you want to be treated. The others stopped years ago.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
New and Funny Facebook Status updates, 8/24/10:
Competitiveness:
____ People accuse me of being overly competitive. I'm not. I'm the most non-competitive person in the world. No one even comes close. (from my FB Fan Page)
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ WARNING: Facebook contains traces of nuts.
____ "I think I'll join Facebook", said no one productive.
____ Facebook is the perfect fuel for the furnace of procrastination. (from my FB Fan Page)
Work:
____ The best thing about this day? I haven't been fired. The worst thing about this day? I'm still working here. (from my FB Fan Page)
Exercise:
____ would be in great shape if I ran like I did from my problems.
Aging:
____ You're only young once. After that, you need some other excuse for acting like an idiot. (from my FB Fan Page)
Facebook Status updates from my FANS:
____ thinks alcohol ib thae soblution woo ball fiz roblems (thanks, James Kunkel!)
____ The kids next door have challenged me to a water fight... I'm just updating my status while I wait for the kettle to boil (thanks, Mishale!)
____ thinks that it may be Pre-Season Football, but I'm drinking like this game really counts. (thanks, Lucky!)
____ LOADING SWAGGER... ███████████████] 99% (thanks, Stephanie M!)
____ if rabbit's feet are so lucky...what happened to the rabbit? (thanks, Pradeep Menon!)
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
____ People accuse me of being overly competitive. I'm not. I'm the most non-competitive person in the world. No one even comes close. (from my FB Fan Page)
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ WARNING: Facebook contains traces of nuts.
____ "I think I'll join Facebook", said no one productive.
____ Facebook is the perfect fuel for the furnace of procrastination. (from my FB Fan Page)
Work:
____ The best thing about this day? I haven't been fired. The worst thing about this day? I'm still working here. (from my FB Fan Page)
Exercise:
____ would be in great shape if I ran like I did from my problems.
Aging:
____ You're only young once. After that, you need some other excuse for acting like an idiot. (from my FB Fan Page)
Facebook Status updates from my FANS:
____ thinks alcohol ib thae soblution woo ball fiz roblems (thanks, James Kunkel!)
____ The kids next door have challenged me to a water fight... I'm just updating my status while I wait for the kettle to boil (thanks, Mishale!)
____ thinks that it may be Pre-Season Football, but I'm drinking like this game really counts. (thanks, Lucky!)
____ LOADING SWAGGER... ███████████████] 99% (thanks, Stephanie M!)
____ if rabbit's feet are so lucky...what happened to the rabbit? (thanks, Pradeep Menon!)
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 8/19/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ You know people who say they don't want to be on Facebook because they don't want to read what people are having for lunch? Screw them, I'm eating a sandwich. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
____ thinks that Facebook saved me from a terrifying keeping-my-thoughts-to-myself addiction. (from my FB Fan Page)
Modesty is awesome:
____ was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day." (Ryan Collins)
Life Lessons:
____ is beginning to think that the key to happiness is to learn to like the things you hate.
Bad day:
____ It's not even 10 o'clock and I've already used up all my "give a crap" for the day.
Thou Shalt Not Steal:
____ thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet connec
Drinking:
____ thinks that the current news of a wheat shortage doesn't concern me, as Jack Daniels is made from corn. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that the best part of being a grown-up is how I can call this Bloody Mary a meal. (from my FB Fan Page)
I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ You know people who say they don't want to be on Facebook because they don't want to read what people are having for lunch? Screw them, I'm eating a sandwich. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
____ thinks that Facebook saved me from a terrifying keeping-my-thoughts-to-myself addiction. (from my FB Fan Page)
Modesty is awesome:
____ was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day." (Ryan Collins)
Life Lessons:
____ is beginning to think that the key to happiness is to learn to like the things you hate.
Bad day:
____ It's not even 10 o'clock and I've already used up all my "give a crap" for the day.
Thou Shalt Not Steal:
____ thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet connec
Drinking:
____ thinks that the current news of a wheat shortage doesn't concern me, as Jack Daniels is made from corn. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that the best part of being a grown-up is how I can call this Bloody Mary a meal. (from my FB Fan Page)
I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
New FACEBOOK status updates, 8/15/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ doesn't correct the typos in my Facebook status updates because making the people who "like" them feel stupid is more fun.
____ thinks that teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant. (thanks, Alexandra Bingham!)
____ has no sense of direction. For example, I have no idea where I am going with this status update.
____ takes pride in never using the word "apparently" in any of my Facebook Status updates. Until now. Apparently.
Drinking:
____ is wondering what kind of loser spends Thursday night drinking and bragging about it on Facebook? Anyway, I'm totally drunk. (from my FAN PAGE)
Laws:
____ thinks that if it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.
Friendship:
____ thinks that some of you make impulsive, poorly thought out decisions. We should hang out more. (from my FAN PAGE)
More Fan Status updates:
____ thinks that my GPS would make the perfect husband/wife… It sits quietly in the car, never complains about my driving, and when it has something to say, it says something useful. (thanks, Thierry Croizer!)
____ is wondering when I should execute my Jet Blue moment? (thanks, Ty Romsa!)
____ is the one they are referring to when they say "there's one in every crowd..." (thanks, Grant Schmarr!)
I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ doesn't correct the typos in my Facebook status updates because making the people who "like" them feel stupid is more fun.
____ thinks that teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant. (thanks, Alexandra Bingham!)
____ has no sense of direction. For example, I have no idea where I am going with this status update.
____ takes pride in never using the word "apparently" in any of my Facebook Status updates. Until now. Apparently.
Drinking:
____ is wondering what kind of loser spends Thursday night drinking and bragging about it on Facebook? Anyway, I'm totally drunk. (from my FAN PAGE)
Laws:
____ thinks that if it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.
Friendship:
____ thinks that some of you make impulsive, poorly thought out decisions. We should hang out more. (from my FAN PAGE)
More Fan Status updates:
____ thinks that my GPS would make the perfect husband/wife… It sits quietly in the car, never complains about my driving, and when it has something to say, it says something useful. (thanks, Thierry Croizer!)
____ is wondering when I should execute my Jet Blue moment? (thanks, Ty Romsa!)
____ is the one they are referring to when they say "there's one in every crowd..." (thanks, Grant Schmarr!)
I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
New and Witty Facebook Status updates, 8/11/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ You know what I like to do on Facebook? Answer my own questions.
____ If at first you don't succeed, wait a third of your life and look him/her up on Facebook.
Dieting is stupid:
____ thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off. (from my FAN PAGE)
Bad day:
____ thinks that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Creativity:
____ is just making stuff up now.
Status update about DRINKING:
____ is pretty tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they've never even heard of vodka before.
A few FAN UPDATES:
____ wonders how we really know that hard work never killed anybody, when the only reliable witness may be dead? (thanks, Angela S!)
____ "I'm really bad with directions," translates to me as "I'm too stupid to read road signs." (thanks, Dan Rodriguez!)
_____ is debating on a new career path, but can't decide if I would make a better professional thumb wrestler or butt model. (thanks, Matt Gilliland!)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ You know what I like to do on Facebook? Answer my own questions.
____ If at first you don't succeed, wait a third of your life and look him/her up on Facebook.
Dieting is stupid:
____ thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off. (from my FAN PAGE)
Bad day:
____ thinks that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Creativity:
____ is just making stuff up now.
Status update about DRINKING:
____ is pretty tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they've never even heard of vodka before.
A few FAN UPDATES:
____ wonders how we really know that hard work never killed anybody, when the only reliable witness may be dead? (thanks, Angela S!)
____ "I'm really bad with directions," translates to me as "I'm too stupid to read road signs." (thanks, Dan Rodriguez!)
_____ is debating on a new career path, but can't decide if I would make a better professional thumb wrestler or butt model. (thanks, Matt Gilliland!)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
New and hilarious Facebook Status updates, 8/07/10:
Maturity:
____ thinks it's not that I'm immature, it's just that you started it. (from my FAN PAGE)
Bad day:
____ thinks that a lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
____ would like to give you a piece of my mind, but this is my last piece.
Status update about drinking / being drunk:
____ Guess drunk? I'm what! (from my FAN PAGE)
Status update about kids:
____ thinks that "patience" is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Annoying People:
____ Ask your doctor if "Shutting the Hell Up" is right for you.
Huh?
____ never contradicts myself. And if you say otherwise, I will agree with you. (from my FAN PAGE)
Wise Quote:
"When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges." -Jack Handy
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ thinks it's not that I'm immature, it's just that you started it. (from my FAN PAGE)
Bad day:
____ thinks that a lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
____ would like to give you a piece of my mind, but this is my last piece.
Status update about drinking / being drunk:
____ Guess drunk? I'm what! (from my FAN PAGE)
Status update about kids:
____ thinks that "patience" is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Annoying People:
____ Ask your doctor if "Shutting the Hell Up" is right for you.
Huh?
____ never contradicts myself. And if you say otherwise, I will agree with you. (from my FAN PAGE)
Wise Quote:
"When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges." -Jack Handy
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
New and witty Facebook Status updates, 8/03/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ thinks that hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook.
____ You wouldn't believe how much time it's taken for me to send this Facebook Status update from a payphone. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Thanks to Facebook, I no longer check breaking news, celebrity obituaries or wonder what the current weather is like. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ is already deleting my drunk Facebook status updates, and it's not even tomorrow.
Annoying People:
____ tries to surround myself with happy, positive people, but sometimes they just really piss me off.
Fan update:
____ "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek. (thanks, Joseph Perez)
Wise Quote:
"I don't believe it. Prove it to me, and I still won't believe it." Douglas Adams
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ thinks that hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook.
____ You wouldn't believe how much time it's taken for me to send this Facebook Status update from a payphone. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Thanks to Facebook, I no longer check breaking news, celebrity obituaries or wonder what the current weather is like. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ is already deleting my drunk Facebook status updates, and it's not even tomorrow.
Annoying People:
____ tries to surround myself with happy, positive people, but sometimes they just really piss me off.
Fan update:
____ "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek. (thanks, Joseph Perez)
Wise Quote:
"I don't believe it. Prove it to me, and I still won't believe it." Douglas Adams
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
New and clever FACEBOOK status updates, 7/31/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ thinks that my attention span is so short I can't even remember what this Facebook Status update was going to be about.
____ Dear Facebook, I will turn on 'Foursquare' right after I decide that being killed by a deranged stalker is the best way to die.
____ thinks that Facebook should give a breathalyzer test before you can sign in. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Until I found Facebook, I had no idea talking to myself could be so entertaining. (from my FAN PAGE)
Friendship:
____ wants to let you know that if I can be of any help . . . you're in worse shape than I thought.
The internet:
____ has never met a "Skip Intro" button I didn't like.
Bad day:
____ thinks that whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do dumb stuff is fired. (from my FAN PAGE)
Wise Quote:
____ "If I do enough different things in enough different ways, I may, eventually, do something right." - Ashleigh Brilliant
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ thinks that my attention span is so short I can't even remember what this Facebook Status update was going to be about.
____ Dear Facebook, I will turn on 'Foursquare' right after I decide that being killed by a deranged stalker is the best way to die.
____ thinks that Facebook should give a breathalyzer test before you can sign in. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Until I found Facebook, I had no idea talking to myself could be so entertaining. (from my FAN PAGE)
Friendship:
____ wants to let you know that if I can be of any help . . . you're in worse shape than I thought.
The internet:
____ has never met a "Skip Intro" button I didn't like.
Bad day:
____ thinks that whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do dumb stuff is fired. (from my FAN PAGE)
Wise Quote:
____ "If I do enough different things in enough different ways, I may, eventually, do something right." - Ashleigh Brilliant
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
New, Funny Facebook Status updates, 7/28/10:
Timing:
____ always knows the right thing to say, immediately after the right time to say it has passed.
____ thinks that I may have been born without the "wait, you shouldn't do that!" gene.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale.
Following the rules:
____ doesn't break the rules. I merely test their elasticity.
Wise Quote:
____ "I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy." -- J.C. McKay
Exercise:
____ You know what's awesome about working out? Not a damn thing. (from my FAN PAGE)
Maturity:
____ was just about to say "we're all adults here" in a status update and then I came to my senses. (from my FAN PAGE)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Some of my favorite funny Facebook Status updates about FACEBOOK:
____ Whenever you feel lost and lonely, just remember that I'm probably close by stalking you on Facebook. (original post HERE)
____ should pay a psychiatrist to follow me on Facebook. Then we can skip the therapy sessions and he can just send me the appropriate pills based on my status updates. (original post HERE)
____ Facebook: A place where all your past mistakes will eventually try to befriend you. (original post HERE)
____ thinks that if you took a Facebook IQ Test and it determined you’re a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results. (original post HERE)
____ likes Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Rebecca. (original post HERE)
____ Facebook: It's like a party, but you don't have to wait your turn to speak. (original post HERE)
____ As of today, Facebook staff will be allowed to eat your children, pets, and elderly. To turn this option off, go to Settings, then Privacy, then Employee Meals. Click the top button to not feed the employees of Facebook anything, or Google will send your address to them so they can find your house. (thanks, Josh@killspeidi.blogspot.com!)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
New Funny Facebook Status updates, 7/25/10:
Ego:
____ thinks that it should be illegal to have humility as awesome as mine is.
Annoying people:
____ believes in taking the bull by the horns. Then I believe in steering it in the direction of whoever is bugging me.
Fun play on words:
____ thinks that it's been a business doing pleasure with you.
Drinking:
____ loves you all so much right now because, well, alcohol. (from my FAN PAGE)
Listening skills:
____ People assume when I yawn that I've lost interest in what they have to say, but truth be told, I was never interested.
Work Stinks:
____ is having trouble sleeping lately. Guess I'll crawl out from under my desk and get some work done. (from my FAN PAGE)
Kids:
____ They say it takes a whole village to raise a child. But no one ever says where it is or how to get there. (thanks, Samantha Quinn!)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ thinks that it should be illegal to have humility as awesome as mine is.
Annoying people:
____ believes in taking the bull by the horns. Then I believe in steering it in the direction of whoever is bugging me.
Fun play on words:
____ thinks that it's been a business doing pleasure with you.
Drinking:
____ loves you all so much right now because, well, alcohol. (from my FAN PAGE)
Listening skills:
____ People assume when I yawn that I've lost interest in what they have to say, but truth be told, I was never interested.
Work Stinks:
____ is having trouble sleeping lately. Guess I'll crawl out from under my desk and get some work done. (from my FAN PAGE)
Kids:
____ They say it takes a whole village to raise a child. But no one ever says where it is or how to get there. (thanks, Samantha Quinn!)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
New Funny Facebook Status updates, 7/21/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook is like a college dormitory. No matter the hour, there's always someone up. Also, someone is drunk. (from my Fan Page)
____ had a nightmare that farm animals on Facebook were raising imaginary people.
____ thinks that Facebook has revealed that there are many, many people just like me and now I know why the world is screwed.
Mundane things:
____ could do great things if I weren't so busy doing little things.
For the guys:
____ Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this status update without having to sleep on the couch.
Exercise:
____ thinks that, if you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation. Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us. (from my Fan Page)
____ thinks that if it weren't for the fact that my computer and my bed are so far apart, some days I wouldn't get any exercise at all. (thanks, Debbie Fox!)
Wise Quote:
____ "Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you." -- Carl Jung
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ thinks that Facebook is like a college dormitory. No matter the hour, there's always someone up. Also, someone is drunk. (from my Fan Page)
____ had a nightmare that farm animals on Facebook were raising imaginary people.
____ thinks that Facebook has revealed that there are many, many people just like me and now I know why the world is screwed.
Mundane things:
____ could do great things if I weren't so busy doing little things.
For the guys:
____ Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this status update without having to sleep on the couch.
Exercise:
____ thinks that, if you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation. Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us. (from my Fan Page)
____ thinks that if it weren't for the fact that my computer and my bed are so far apart, some days I wouldn't get any exercise at all. (thanks, Debbie Fox!)
Wise Quote:
____ "Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you." -- Carl Jung
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Monday, July 19, 2010
New funny Facebook Status updates, 7/19/10:
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ wants you to know that this Facebook Status update is doing its small part in our collective effort to kill the art of letter writing.
Coffee:
____ thinks that this coffee is tall, strong and bitter. Just like me. If I worked out, I mean.
Ego:
____ is kind of surprised I'm not an action figure by now.
Nostalgia:
____ thinks that every now and then, I wish it was then instead of now.
Drinking:
____ thinks that alcohol is never the answer......unless the question is, "What is C2H5OH?"
Fan updates:
____ wonders how the hearing-impaired know when their popcorn is finished popping. (thanks, Kirk from St. Louis!)
____ If you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands. (thanks, David Moore!)
____ is just a typical stay-at-home dad. Except I don't do housework or have a wife or any kids. (thanks, Sam Hopkins!)
Wise Quote:
____ "Facebook is launching a panic button to report inappropriate behavior. Maybe I should get ahead of the curve & turn myself in voluntarily?" (John Melhorn, from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ wants you to know that this Facebook Status update is doing its small part in our collective effort to kill the art of letter writing.
Coffee:
____ thinks that this coffee is tall, strong and bitter. Just like me. If I worked out, I mean.
Ego:
____ is kind of surprised I'm not an action figure by now.
Nostalgia:
____ thinks that every now and then, I wish it was then instead of now.
Drinking:
____ thinks that alcohol is never the answer......unless the question is, "What is C2H5OH?"
Fan updates:
____ wonders how the hearing-impaired know when their popcorn is finished popping. (thanks, Kirk from St. Louis!)
____ If you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands. (thanks, David Moore!)
____ is just a typical stay-at-home dad. Except I don't do housework or have a wife or any kids. (thanks, Sam Hopkins!)
Wise Quote:
____ "Facebook is launching a panic button to report inappropriate behavior. Maybe I should get ahead of the curve & turn myself in voluntarily?" (John Melhorn, from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Friday, July 16, 2010
New and Funny Facebook Status updates, 7/16/10:
Getting to know your Facebook friends:
____ has decided I'd like to get to know you all a lot better. Let's start with banking information.
Mafia Wars:
____ thinks that if you send me one more Mafia invite, we're playing for real.
On being wrong:
____ may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to take it back.
Google:
____ Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made something out of myself. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Getting things done:
____ Multi-tasking: twice the mistakes in less time.
Money:
____ has enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. (taken from a Jackie Mason quote)
Wise quote:
____ "There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious." -Steven Colbert
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ has decided I'd like to get to know you all a lot better. Let's start with banking information.
Mafia Wars:
____ thinks that if you send me one more Mafia invite, we're playing for real.
On being wrong:
____ may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to take it back.
Google:
____ Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made something out of myself. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Getting things done:
____ Multi-tasking: twice the mistakes in less time.
Money:
____ has enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. (taken from a Jackie Mason quote)
Wise quote:
____ "There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious." -Steven Colbert
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
New Witty Facebook Status updates, 7/14/10:
Laziness:
____ has invented a new low-intensity cardio workout that requires me to lay completely still on the couch.
Money (or lack of)
____ wishes I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
Caffeine:
____ Coffee...prepare to meet your maker.
Annoying people:
____ Why is it that the people who tell you to relax are almost always the source of your anxiety? (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Bad Day:
____ is thinking of a number between "one" and "shut the hell up".
Work stinks:
____ Don't judge me. If you're reading this, then you aren't working either. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Fan updates:
____ Sometimes I think about much work stinks and then I remember that I have vodka in the freezer. (thanks, Jessica Griffin!)
____ has been embraced by reality.....does anyone know how to make it let go? (thanks, Tiffany Vann!)
____ has had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. (thanks, Damian Omar Plaza!)
Wise Quote:
____ "I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. " J. D. Salinger
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ has invented a new low-intensity cardio workout that requires me to lay completely still on the couch.
Money (or lack of)
____ wishes I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
Caffeine:
____ Coffee...prepare to meet your maker.
Annoying people:
____ Why is it that the people who tell you to relax are almost always the source of your anxiety? (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Bad Day:
____ is thinking of a number between "one" and "shut the hell up".
Work stinks:
____ Don't judge me. If you're reading this, then you aren't working either. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Fan updates:
____ Sometimes I think about much work stinks and then I remember that I have vodka in the freezer. (thanks, Jessica Griffin!)
____ has been embraced by reality.....does anyone know how to make it let go? (thanks, Tiffany Vann!)
____ has had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. (thanks, Damian Omar Plaza!)
Wise Quote:
____ "I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. " J. D. Salinger
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Monday, July 12, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 7/12/10:
Planning:
____ thinks that my "master plan" this year is to have an incredible 5-month plan come to me in a dream by August 1st.
Annoying people:
____ thinks that there IS such a thing as stupid questions and they're asked by stupid people.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook is becoming the grown-up version of the "Do you like me? Yes. No. Circle one" letter we passed around in grade school. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Bad day at work:
____ You know what this office needs? Spontaneous human combustions.
Bad day in general:
____ thinks that this day has gone horribly cattywampus (look it up).
Aging:
____ thinks that the night is still young and I already feel old. (thanks, Mindy Lim!)
____ "As I grow older and wiser, I'm increasingly aware that mostly I'm just growing older." (Rowan Pettett)
Fun play on words:
____ wishes you were beer.
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ thinks that my "master plan" this year is to have an incredible 5-month plan come to me in a dream by August 1st.
Annoying people:
____ thinks that there IS such a thing as stupid questions and they're asked by stupid people.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook is becoming the grown-up version of the "Do you like me? Yes. No. Circle one" letter we passed around in grade school. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Bad day at work:
____ You know what this office needs? Spontaneous human combustions.
Bad day in general:
____ thinks that this day has gone horribly cattywampus (look it up).
Aging:
____ thinks that the night is still young and I already feel old. (thanks, Mindy Lim!)
____ "As I grow older and wiser, I'm increasingly aware that mostly I'm just growing older." (Rowan Pettett)
Fun play on words:
____ wishes you were beer.
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Friday, July 9, 2010
New hilarious Facebook Status updates, 7/09/10:
Astrology:
____ thinks that the only horoscope you will ever need goes like this: Planets are doing stuff, so it's a good day to do stuff but be prepared in case bad stuff happens. (Jason Sweeney)
Good advice:
____ thinks that you shouldn't listen to other people's foolishness. You should listen to mine.
On trying to help:
____ thinks that if you find yourself saying "but I was only trying to help" a lot, you're not helping.
Money (or lack of):
____ thinks that my wallet just burst into tears.
Wise quote:
____ "There is no such thing as fun for the entire family." -- Jerry Seinfeld
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ It’s not that I’m addicted to Facebook, I'm just unable to quit. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Annoying people:
____ Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates
____ thinks that the only horoscope you will ever need goes like this: Planets are doing stuff, so it's a good day to do stuff but be prepared in case bad stuff happens. (Jason Sweeney)
Good advice:
____ thinks that you shouldn't listen to other people's foolishness. You should listen to mine.
On trying to help:
____ thinks that if you find yourself saying "but I was only trying to help" a lot, you're not helping.
Money (or lack of):
____ thinks that my wallet just burst into tears.
Wise quote:
____ "There is no such thing as fun for the entire family." -- Jerry Seinfeld
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ It’s not that I’m addicted to Facebook, I'm just unable to quit. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Annoying people:
____ Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
New funny Facebook Status Updates, 7/07/10:
Bartenders:
____ thinks that a bartender is just an under-qualified pharmacist.
Money:
____ thinks that there are more important things in life than money. The trouble is, they all cost money.
Fools:
____ thinks that it's impossible to fool-proof anything because fools are so ingenious.
Drinking:
____ is headed out for a quiet beer. Followed by ten noisy ones.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ is getting kind of sleepy. What time does Facebook close?
Exercise (or lack of):
____ "You look like you work out", said no one, to me.
On Aging:
____ Every time you say "Act your age!" I hear, "Be sad with me!" (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
On Confidence:
____ thinks that "confidence" is the feeling you have just before you really understand the problem. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ thinks that a bartender is just an under-qualified pharmacist.
Money:
____ thinks that there are more important things in life than money. The trouble is, they all cost money.
Fools:
____ thinks that it's impossible to fool-proof anything because fools are so ingenious.
Drinking:
____ is headed out for a quiet beer. Followed by ten noisy ones.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ is getting kind of sleepy. What time does Facebook close?
Exercise (or lack of):
____ "You look like you work out", said no one, to me.
On Aging:
____ Every time you say "Act your age!" I hear, "Be sad with me!" (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
On Confidence:
____ thinks that "confidence" is the feeling you have just before you really understand the problem. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
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