____ thinks that referring to myself as "funemployed" makes me feel slightly better.
____ is pretty sure that life is a pothole and I'm the flat tire.
____ would like you to excuse me while I throw one helluva pity party.
____ thinks that if things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
____ can't afford to fix my brakes, so I'm going to make my horn louder.
____ has lowered my expectations to the point where they've already been met.
____ is sad that my cable goes out more than I do.
Also, for no extra charge...some "Woe is Me" quotes for your viewing pleasure:
"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying." -Ed Furgol
"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money." -Henny Youngman
"The light at the end of the tunnel is just the light of an oncoming train." -Robert Lowell