____ wants you all to know that this is the order I like to do house chores: 1) Laundry 2) Vacuuming 3) Contemplate Suicide 4) Dishes.
The real reason I drink:
____ for your information, I ONLY drink to prevent heart disease. This stuff is AWFUL!
Reading IS fun:
____ feels bad for illiterate people. They don't know the joy of finding dirty words spelled out in their Alphabet soup.
Keep 'em guessing:
____ has passed the point of no return...
Big words (they make you seem smarter):
____ My, my. Quite the quagmire I've gotten myself into...