____ has decided to start saying I'm sorry to everyone he has wronged, because "sorry" is just a word and you can say it without meaning it. If this offends you, I'm sorry. (Thanks, Nathan Smith!)
____ is busy making crop circles and spraying "Agent Orange" on all of the make believe farms on "Farmville"... (thanks, Rick Wells!)
____ Just remember, when you’re feeling down: You were that ONE sperm that won the race. (thanks, Kelly Kern!)
____ hates housework. You dust, you wash the dishes, you do the laundry and six months later you have to do it all over again. (thanks, Rebecca Stone!)
Brilliant status update about alcohol:
____ considering how much I drank last night, it doesn't seem right that I'm so thirsty this morning. (thanks, Bree Crandle!)
Do you have a funny status update you'd like to share with the world (or, at least, the people of the world that read this particular blog)? Do you have a hilarious quote you'd like to share? Please, don't be selfish, people! Send them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Or else.