Friday, April 30, 2010

"Fan Friday" Facebook status updates/funny one-liners/witty sayings:

I had so many hilarious Facebook status updates submitted by my awesome readers this week that I will probably post more of them tomorrow. Thanks to everyone who sent me something!
These were submitted by Jen Omodt (thanks, Jen!):
____ One thing bothers me about jury duty: Before you start they always swear you in, but when you're finished they never swear you back out.
____ doesn't want to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
____ Before giving someone a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare...
____ Would you be so kind as to elaborate on 'or else'??
Here are a few more from Kevin Eidelman that tickled my funny bone (thanks, Kevin):
____ thinks change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
____ Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have...
____ if 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
____ If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
____ Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
____ thinks that what you don't know will cost you a lot of money.
Some random ones I liked:
____ does not deny nor confirm these photos on Facebook that I have been tagged in, Senator. (thanks, Jason Scheuplein!)
____ some people may call it a family get-together. I prefer to think of these gatherings as ongoing professional development that furthers my expertise in the field of insanity. (thanks, Leah Routley!)
____ thinks apathy is my anti-drug. It doesn't work, but I don't really care. (thanks, Nathan Smith!)
____ just wrote a note to his utilities company: Dear Utilities, Life is full of surprises. This month we won't be paying our bill. SURPRISE! (thanks again, Nathan!)
____ is avoiding wastefulness by scouring the medicine cabinet and washing down the ready-to-expire prescriptions with a bottle of beer and a shot of Jagermeister. (Thanks, Rick Wells!)
____ is not very happy with my fantasy baseball team right now. I'm gonna have to send each of them some Tom Emanski tapes & Barry Bond's "Vitamins". (thanks, Nate T.!)

Do you have a funny status update you'd like to share with the world (or, at least, the people of the world that read this particular blog)? Do you have a hilarious quote you'd like to share? Please, don't be selfish, people! Send them to me at you're at it, why don't you go ahead and stroke my ego become a "Fan" on Facebook HERE.

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