Friday, May 7, 2010

"Fan Friday" edition, part one (Jami Johnson edition):

Jami Johnson sent me A TON of funny Facebook status updates this week. Hilarious! Brilliant! Thanks, Jami! Here are a few of my favorites:
____ would like to thank his liver for all the support this weekend . . . Couldn't have done it without you, old friend.
____ is dangerously under-medicated.
____ is clapping her hands and stomping her feet because she is happy and she knows it.
____ is proof that God has a sense of humor.
____ is fresh out of witty sarcasm.
____ is wondering why people think they are invisible when they pick their noses in the car?
____ is going to the store. Do you want anything?
____ says "Remember to always be yourself". Unless you suck.
____ is attempting to give a damn.
____is nourishing her inner child with cheetos and beer.
____regrets to inform you that due to the sucky economy, the rising cost of electricity, gas & everything else, that the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
____ needs a Facebook button that says "What you just posted makes me want to punch you in the face."
____ is single...and you're going to have to be freakin' awesome to change that!
____ just got a letter from the Origami Association this morning & doesn't know what to make of it.
____ says "It's the weekend, so drink triple.. see double.. act single!"
____ "When you die, & you're asked a bunch of questions about your life & what you learned & all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, "No speaka English.'" (Jack Handey quote)
____ believes there are two kinds of facebook friends...the kind on FarmVille & Mafia Wars & the kind you like.
____ knows there are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them.
____ is no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure the only way to alleviate the guilt of eating a peanut butter cup is by eating 15 more.
____ has THOUGHT about getting outta bed, still thinking, still thinking...
____ is wondering why hitchhikers don't find it as amusing as I do when I give them the thumbs up as I drive by?
____ is thinking that a good rule of thumb is, if you've made it to thirty-five & your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.
____ thinks it is a great idea to keep some people's phone numbers in your phone just so you know not to answer when they call.

Jami, if I made any money, I would pay you for your efforts. How's a nice pat on the back instead?

Do you have a funny status update you'd like to share with the world (or, at least, the people of the world that read this particular blog)? Do you have a hilarious quote you'd like to share? Please, don't be selfish, people! Send them to me at you're at it, why don't you go ahead and stroke my ego become a "Fan" on Facebook HERE.