Thanks to Nate Combs for the following five status updates:
____ Today's forecast: Insanity with scattered crazies.
____ 's status is based on a true story. Names and places have been changed to protect identities.
____ If you are thinking of instituting an open-door urination policy, let me disabuse you of that notion right now, my friend.
____ has the Jimmy legs.
____ is a good substitute for sugar.
Thanks to Rashi Jamuar for the following four status updates:
____ thinks if you don't understand something that I say, it simply means it isn't meant for you!!
____ New status.
____ is not self obsessed...I just don't like you enough!!
____ To those who thought I was dead, I'm not. Those who prayed I be dead, pray harder!!
Thanks to Nathan Smith for the following three status updates:
______ already fears fear itself. Now all I have to fear is fear of fear fear!
______ would be a lot more inclined to return my library books if the librarians carried firearms.
______ heard that the key to happiness is to live every day like it was your last. I called my girlfriend and told her I was dying. Not much happiness.
...and even more status updates from my beloved readers:
____ went several rounds with the snooze alarm this morning. Apparently I'm still dropping my left because here I am....WORK! (thanks, Shannon White-Metz!)
____ One night stands in hotel rooms just don't do it for me anymore...that's why I always ask for a room with two night stands. (Thanks, Carol Costello!)
____ saw an ad for the new fragrance by Ben Roethlisberger that is supposed to work so well the ladies just can't say no. It's called "Chloroform"! (thanks, Rick Wells!)
____ thinks work is really starting to interfere with my Facebook schedule. (thanks, Robbie Wheeler!)
____ would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids and their stupid dog. (thanks, Parsley family!)
____ You know the coolest thing about dogs? They get to buy beer when they're, like, 3! (thanks, Rich!)
Do you have a funny status update you'd like to share with the world (or, at least, the people of the world that read this particular blog)? Do you have a hilarious quote you'd like to share? Please, don't be selfish, people! Send them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.While you're at it, why don't you go ahead and
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