____ tries to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
____ thinks that this White Chocolate Dove bar tastes like soap....Oh.
____ thinks two wrongs don't make a right, but they have the potential to become a pretty interesting Facebook status update.
____ Your fly is down.
____ just set my alarm for 6AM. This is going to be hilarious if it actually works.
____ Red Rover, Red Rover. Send sanity right over.
____ bets the road to hell looks just like a Walmart parking lot.
Thanks to Allison Jones for the following two Facebook status updates:
____ If you're friending me on Facebook ONLY because you want a nail or you have a lost cow in Farmville, the joke's on you! I play Mafia Wars!
____ is appreciative that Facebook allows her to save on gas money. Without it, she'd have already driven by your house fifty times today (and gotten dressed and put on make-up).
Even MORE Facebook Status updates from my funny readers:
________ is back in the saddle again. And by saddle I mean prison and by again I mean for reckless irresponsibility and arson. (Thanks, Nathan Smith!)
____ thinks that God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind, I will never die. (Thanks, Neil Barot!)
____ Dear Mr Strongbow (or any other type of booze), You were supposed to make me sexier, happier and a better dancer. I've seen the videos.... we need to talk. (Thanks, Alexandra Price!)
____ The more I want her, the less she wants me. Stupid cat. (Thanks, William Chapman!)
____ Dear Gym, I think I've been neglecting our relationship. How about we talk about it over a coffee and a family block of chocolate? (Thanks, Alexandra Bingham!)
Do you have a funny status update you'd like to share with the world (or, at least, the people of the world that read this particular blog)? Do you have a hilarious quote or one-liner that worked for you as a Facebook Status update? Please, don't be selfish, people! Send them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. While you're at it, why don't you go ahead and
Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates