____ Ice. Bank. Mice. Elf. Say it out loud.
____ Woo Hoo! Butt Dance!! (_l_) (_/_) (_l_) (_\_) (_l_) (_/_) (_l_)
____ is so special she has been given her own white jacket so she can hug herself!
____ Hey, check it out! I just got a new Toyota Keyboaaaaaaaa
____ Laugh and the world laughs with you. Laugh hysterically for no apparent reason, and they leave you alone.
The following twelve Facebook status updates were submitted by a reader for their friend, Rhonda. Thanks, anonymous friend!
____ thinks there is a fine line between being the life of the party and being the reason the cops are called.
____ will stop being so easily distracted when things stop being so shiny!!!
____ thinks everything happens for a reason. So when I smack you in the face later, remember...there was a reason.
____ Dear Karma, What the hell did I do?
____ wrote you a song. Boy, was it tough finding something to rhyme with "Stupid Jerk Face."
____ If at first you don't succeed, you should have done it like I told you to do it!
____ If NASA sends a pregnant woman into space and gives birth...is the baby an alien?
____ tried to drown my sorrows last night but it turns out the lil' bastards can swim!
____ Let's just start with the assumption that I am right and go on from there...
____ Marriage is like a casino...you go in all excited and optimistic, you stumble out broke, drunk and talking to yourself.
____ Yes, I took my Adderall and my Zanax, so I'm paying attention to you but I don't care!
____ If slapping you is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
The following three Facebook status updates were submitted by Jase Doe. Thanks!
____ says: his/her mind is in the gutter this week. All comments will be received that way as well. Please use caution and thanks for your cooperation!
____ As efforts to cap Gulf oil spill go unsuccessful, I can't help but think somewhere Bruce Willis sits by a phone thinking "I will cap that off. I swear to God I will!"
____ You hold a door open for a lady and you're a hero. You smell her hair as she walks past and suddenly you're a weirdo.
Various Facebook status updates from various (awesome) readers:
____ thinks that worst thing about going out is all the people who come up and try to talk to you while you're updating your Facebook status. Annoying! (thanks, Jim Clark!)
____ talks to myself. Wait, no I don't. Do I? I'm not sure now. Forget it, let's go get some coffee. Ok. (thanks, Wanda!)
____ thinks its so adorable how Myspace keeps sending me reminders to come back. (thanks, Chris Thompson!)
____ knows how to make an hour's worth of work take up an entire morning. I think I'll go ahead and put that on my resume. Should be done some time after lunch. (thanks, Brent Griffis!)
____ is wondering how they keep the Virgin Islands populated? (thanks, Jason Scheuplein!)
____ Mothers Day is OVER. It's back to Kid's Day (every day is Kid's Day). (thanks, Jennifer!)
Do you have a funny status update you'd like to share with the world (or, at least, the people of the world that read this particular blog)? Do you have a hilarious quote you'd like to share? Please, don't be selfish, people! Send them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. While you're at it, why don't you go ahead and