____ probably wouldn't kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.
____ considered being a stay-at-home mom but then I found out the kids would be there too.
____ thinks kids are expensive, but you never know when you're gonna need a kidney.
____ says if you want to know anything, come over to my house. I have a kid that apparently knows everything.
____ loves you so much, Mom, that several trees died just so you can send this card to a landfill when you're done with it. Happy Mother's Day!
____ thinks that "working mother" is redundant.
____ thinks that cleaning up when you have children is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing.
____ thinks there are three ways to get something done. Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.
____ “Mothers are all slightly insane.” – J.D. Salinger
____ “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
____ “My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” – Mark Twain
____ "Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you." - Ray Romano
____ "Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not." - James Joyce
____ "Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process." - John Fitzgerald Kennedy
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