Wednesday, June 30, 2010

New Facebook Status updates, 6/30/10:

Tactfulness:
____ thinks that tact is the ability to close your mouth before somebody else wants to.
Bad day:
____ should really just start wearing a helmet everywhere I go.
____ doesn't want to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
For the resume:
____ types a hundred words a minute, but it's in my own language.
Summer weather:
____ thinks that it's not the heat, its the stupidity. 
Kids:
____ thinks that if at first you don't succeed, you should pray that your future Honor Roll student takes care of you.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ thinks that if your relationship is so complicated that you have to identify it as such on Facebook, you should probably get the hell off Facebook and go fix it.

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

Monday, June 28, 2010

New Hilarious Facebook Status updates, 6/28/10:

Productivity:
____ thinks that nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.
Planning ahead:
____ is wondering if you have a plan? What's that like?
Work:
____ People say hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever know anyone who "rested to death"?
Well, I do:
____ HATES PEOPLE WHO TALK LOUD!
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ thinks that there is really quite nothing like the flavor of a rejected Facebook friendship invitation.
Self-awareness:
____ thinks that the person I want to be is always overruled by the person I actually am.
News:
____ According to the latest reports, there was no truth in any of the earlier reports. (FunnyOneLiners)

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

24 new and witty Facebook Status updates, brought to you by my readers:

Thanks to Jenni Wilson for the following four Facebook status updates:
____ thinks that alcohol only hurts me because it loves me.
____ has no time to kill, but lots I'd like to resuscitate.
____ thinks that people will believe anything if you whisper it.
____ thinks that my inability to use emoticons correctly is really getting me down :)
Thanks to NATE COMBS for the following eight Facebook status updates:
____ is dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong.
____'s status update is based on a true story. Names and places have been changed to protect identities.
____ ™ is a registered trademark. All unauthorised reproduction and distribution will lead to prosecution.
____ really likes you*. *Some restrictions may apply. Limited time offer. See a representative for details.
____ says don't worry... it's not contagious.
____ <----- Rockstar!!
____ <----- Is crazy and he knows it
____ is going to grow a Mario mustache.
Thanks to Jase Doe for the following seven Facebook status updates:
____ likes the new "like" button to "like" someone's response to a status they possibly "like".  So, like, when can they add a dis-"like" button? You know, like to use on this status.
____ hadn't realized until Facebook that most of my friends are wannabe farmers, gangsters or cooks.
____ has to get off Facebook and get a life. I wonder if I can get a good one on eBay?
____ needs a way to change my relationship status to "Out of Order" or "Temporarily Out of Service".
____ knows that most people are searching for something; the meaning of life, true love, or their place in the world. Me? I'm just trying to find Waldo.
____ knows two wrongs doesn't make a right, but I'm determined to find out just how many wrongs will.
____ thinks life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.
Thanks to Camilla Kerley for the following two Facebook status updates:
____ Dear people who will friend just anybody to increase the size of your friend list: don't friend me.
____ Dear everybody who always goes to Walmart at the same time I do: I hate you.
Thanks to Ted Egusquiza for the following three Facebook status updates:
____ is wondering where the real life "hide" button is.
____  likes to rhyme, he likes his beats funky...he's spunky, he likes his oatmeal lumpy.
____ loves how he doesn't have to watch the weather channel, he just signs onto Facebook and checks the latest status updates.

Thanks to every single person that took the time to send me an email with suggestions. I can't post them all, but I love reading them!

Do you have a funny status update you'd like to share with the world (or, at least, the people of the world that read this particular blog)? Do you have a hilarious quote or one-liner that worked for you as a Facebook Status update? Please, don't be selfish, people! Send them to me at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. While you're at it, why don't you go ahead and stroke my ego become a "Fan" on Facebook HERE.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

New Facebook Status updates, 6/26/10:

Knowledge is power:
____ thinks that there has been an alarming increase in the number of things I know nothing about.
____ is wondering why life keeps teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
Optimism:
____ would be a terrible optimist.
When Facebook is broken:
____ thinks that if I have to endure another day where Facebook doesn't work and is constantly disappointing me, I might have to start dating it.
Sarcasm:
____ just LOVES it when people are overly sarcastic. No, really, it's great! Thanks a bunch!
The future:
____ thinks that someday we'll look back on all of this and blame someone else.

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Come back tomorrow for status updates sent BY MY READERS. Thanks for stopping by!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Fresh, new and potentially entertaining Facebook Status updates, 6/23/10:

Creativity:
____ thinks that when you have a good imagination, you can make up all the facts you want.
Big words (they make you seem smarter):
____ is in a constant state of Omphaloskepsis (look it up).
Drinking:
____ only drinks to make OTHER people more sociable.
Logic:
____ loves seeing someone who thinks logically. It provides a nice contrast to the real world.
College / Planning for the future:
____ was just accepted at STFU, thanks for asking. (Larry Carlat)
Birthdays stink:
____ is so old that I was on the research and development team that came up with the formula for dirt.
Great quote:
____ "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did." -George Carlin

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Facebook "Fan Page" Status updates from the first half of June:

____ May is National Procrastination Awareness Month.
____ thinks the worst thing about censorship is ***********.
____ thinks it's sad when you can see how long you slept by looking at the time between Facebook Status updates.
____ doesn't need to make better choices, I need better things to choose FROM.
____ My motto is "never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto.
____ Synonym: The word you use when you don't know how to spell the other one.
____ has never written a Facebook status update about the voices in my head. They won't let me.
____ is not saying we ought to misbehave, but we should at least look as though we could.
____ On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me as a Facebook Friend?
____ thinks that Marriage is a contractually binding agreement whereby two people are forced to "like" each other's Facebook statuses.
____ finally figured out what mosquitoes are for. They're God's way of making us slap ourselves.
____ If you're happy and you know it, share your meds.
____ may be asking too much of this coffee.
____ thinks that an apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
____ tries to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they're alive?

Every day I post a new Facebook Status update on my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE. Of course, if you become a FAN ON FACEBOOK, you will stroke my ego see them daily and won't have to wait for this list. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. I will publish those that my twisted mind enjoys.
***For more "Fan Page" Status updates, click HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE. I know you have a choice when choosing websites to "steal" Facebook Status updates from. I'm happy that today, wherever you are in the world, you chose mine. I update often, so check back!

Monday, June 21, 2010

The longest day of the year AND it's Monday? Maybe these BRAND NEW Facebook Status updates can help cheer you up, my friends:

Problems:
____ When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is" I interrupt & start telling them all my problems. They never expect that.
Grammar:
____ Sometimes I think I'm a genious, but then I realize I spelled that incorrectly. (from my FB Fan Page)
Boredom:
____ thinks my life is so monotonous Ben Stein should narrate it. (Jerry Thomas)
B.S.:
____ Etc.- An abbreviation used to make people think you know more than you actually do.
Being unsure:
____ hates being bi-polar. It's awesome.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ Quitting Facebook is the new, adult version of running away from home. We all know you're doing it for attention and we all know that you'll be back
Planning ahead:
____ would like the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a few martinis as a backup plan.

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Clever Facebook Status updates brought to you by my readers, 6/19/10:

Thanks to Mary McClure for the following six Facebook status updates:
____ sees your passive-aggressive sarcasm, and I'll raise you, one finger.
____ Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
____ thinks that the only problem with seeing if your cat likes espresso is now you're in the same room as a cat that's just had some espresso.
____ invented the word "pseudonym." Don't bother looking it up because I did it under another name.
____ Inspirational words of the day: Why delay the inevitable? Fail now.
____ would never say this of myself , but my friends tell me that my milkshake is particularly adept at bringing gentlemen callers to the estate.
Thanks to Stanley Pitchford for the following two Facebook status updates:
____ just ordered his Vuvuzela ringtone.
____ tries to be tolerant but then other people go and mess it up.
Thanks to Kelly Kern for the following four Facebook status updates::
____ would like to inform everyone that Helen Waite is now in charge of all rush orders. If you are in a hurry, just go to Helen Waite.
____ wonders if this status makes her butt look big
____ used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got her fired
____ People are always saying that alcohol doesn't solve any problems. Then again, neither does milk.
Thanks to Nathan Smith for the following four Facebook status updates:
____ just bought a new Princess Leah costume. Jury duty, here I come!
____ thinks "marry rich" is a perfectly acceptable response when asked "What are you going to do with your philosophy degree?"
____  is wondering why we call them "fingers"... I've never seen them "fing".
____ went above and beyond the call of duty when the cops said "show me your hands": JAZZ HANDS!!! Police love spirit fingers.

Thanks to every single person that took the time to send me an email with suggestions. I can't post them all, but I love reading them!

Do you have a funny status update you'd like to share with the world (or, at least, the people of the world that read this particular blog)? Do you have a hilarious quote or one-liner that worked for you as a Facebook Status update? Please, don't be selfish, people! Send them to me at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. While you're at it, why don't you go ahead and stroke my ego become a "Fan" on Facebook HERE.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Father's Day Facebook Status updates:

For the Dads out there:
____ is planning on embarrassing my kids for Father's Day, so it's pretty much like every other day.
____ in honor of Father's Day, I came up with a bourbon and cookie diet that is going to make me so rich. And fat. And drunk. At least two of those.
____ The greatest thing about Fathers Day is paying for all these gifts I didn't want.
____ It's almost noon and still nobody has peeled me a grape. Worst. Father's Day. Ever.
____ is getting out the Duct tape. There. It's fixed.
____ "Well, an iPad would be nice for Father's Day, but I'd settle for 10 minutes of damn silence." - most dads

To post in honor of your Dad:
____ Why are high-tech gadgets always categorized as "gifts for Dad?" I don't know about your dad, but my dad can barely work a disposable camera.
____ My Dad sends his love because he thinks I know you all personally.
____ would use Facebook to wish my dad a happy Father's Day, but he hates Facebook and everything it stands for.
____ Dad, I love how we don't even have to say out loud that I'm your favorite.
____ If you're lucky enough to still have a dad, the best Father's Day gift would be to call the guy and ask his advice about something. Anything.
____ Dad, it appears your lifelong theory about the entire world going to hell in a handbasket was dead-on.
____ My Father accused me of Facebooking my life away then he said something else but I didn't hear him because I was writing this. He's crazy.
Quote about Father's Day:
____ "To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years." -Ernest Hemingway

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

New Funny Facebook status updates, 6/16/10:

Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ thinks that the worst part about not being able to log into Facebook is not having a place to complain about not being able to get on Facebook.
Gossip:
____ is not laughing at you--I'm laughing near you. And pointing. At you.
____ thinks that if you don't have anything nice to say, can you at least whisper a little louder so I can hear?
Facebook stalking:
____ thinks it must have been much harder to be a complete creep before the internet.
Winning:
____ thinks it doesn't matter whether you win or lose - until you lose.
Beer quote:
____ "Homer no function beer well without." ~Homer Simpson
Problems:
____ thinks that all of my worst problems started out as solutions.
Farmville:
____ wishes the government would takeover all the Farmville land and sell it off Facebook to pay down the national debt.
There is no "I" in TEAM:
____ thinks if we all work together, we can totally disrupt the system.

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

New clever, witty and funny Facebook status updates, 6/13/10:

Annoying people:
____ is wondering why the phrase, "It's none of my business" must always be followed by, "but"?
Restraint:
____ thinks everything is funnier when you aren't allowed to laugh.
Disappointment:
____ Not only am I not drunk, but this tape doesn't taste ANYTHING like scotch.
Birthdays:
____ Before Facebook, I never realized so many people had birthdays.
Facebook status update about Facebook:
____ got here late today and all the good Facebook Status updates were already taken.
Random thought:
____ Thinks that if I was a zookeeper, I wouldn't even bother putting anything in the chameleon exhibit.
Listening skills:
____ wants you to know that you have my undivided, continuous, partial attention.

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

New Facebook Status updates, 6/10/10:

Passive-aggressiveness:
____ can be a lot more passive-aggressive than *some* people.
Work:
____ thinks that if you can't say ridiculous things with a straight face, there's probably no room in management for you.
Friendship:
____ thinks that good friend is worth pursuing, but why would a good friend be running away?
Grammar:
____ thinks that proofreading is my worst enema.
Pride:
____ refuses to swallow my pride. The last thing I need in my diet right now is more empty calories.
Clever sayings:
____ thinks that "Ignorance is bliss" is my personal motto because it hasn't steered me wrong and even if it has, how would I know?

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

New Funny Facebook Status updates, 6/08/10:

Arguments:
____ didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.
Money:
____ thinks that money can't buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Ferrari.
____ is an embarrassment of riches, without the riches.
Facebook stalking:
____ thinks that imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Stalking is.
Morning:
____ knows one thing about the speed of light -- It always gets here way too early in the morning.
Good quote:
____ "When all other means of communication fail, try words." -Ashleigh Brilliant
Poker:
____ If you sit down to the poker game and can't spot the sucker, I'm over here.

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.

Clever Facebook Status updates about vacation / summer holiday:

____ thinks that Operation "Gain As Much Weight As Humanly Possible While On Vacation" is right on schedule so far.
____ is starting my vacation today. If anyone needs me, I'll be sober again sometime next week.
____ Here's a little tip to make your summer vacation days seem longer. Go camping.
____ thinks the only thing I'm "taking for the team" is a vacation.
____ ☼ I ♥ Summer! ☼
____ Summer: the time of year when parents realize just how grossly underpaid teachers actually are.
____ would love to discuss joining a summer athletic league as long as it doesn't result in us actually having to join a summer athletic league.
____ well, it's day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan B colada.
____ You know what would make this margarita better? Cancun.
____ Week: a unit of time that seems much shorter on a vacation than on a diet.

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.


Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates

Saturday, June 5, 2010

New funny Facebook Status updates, 6/05/10:

Exercise:
____ doesn't like exercise so I'm not going to walk a mile in your shoes. I'll judge you standing right here.
Friendship:
____ thinks everyone is always asking something for a friend. Friends are the most curious, ignorant bastards, aren’t they? (Brian Drury)
Facebook Status updates:
____ enjoys Facebook Status updates that tell a story. This is not one of them.
Nosy people:
____ To Whom It May Not Concern: Mind your own business.
Cops:
____ appreciates the police escort, but shouldn't they be in front of me?
Small request:
____ thinks that all I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. I will publish those that my twisted mind enjoys.

A few of the best Facebook Status updates submitted by my readers this week:

Thanks to Nathan Smith for the following three Facebook status updates:
____ has a new philosophy to foster peace and harmony in the universe: GIVE ME WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT.
____ was asked what he wanted to accomplish this summer. It was obviously a trick question.
____ has decided that, instead of being a good example, I'll be a warning.
Thanks to Jeremey Brooks for the following five Facebook Status updates:
____ has no sense of proportion. Which causes me big problems. Or small ones. I'm not sure...
____ doesn't like to call it "drunk". I'm “alcohol enhanced”.
____ is NOT narcissistic, I'm oblivious to others.
____ thinks that constant gratification is the new instant gratification
____ is so happy I believe I shall spend the day skipping.
Thanks to Katie Grainger for the following four Facebook status updates:
_____ thinks that about 50 years from now, tombstones will read: "Beloved wife, mother, sister, daughter...and Facebook friend".
____ thinks it's incredible how you just hang something in your wardrobe for a while and it shrinks two sizes.
____ just had a bunch of underwear stolen. Cops are making a brief inquiry.
____ thinks a city built on rock 'n roll would be structurally unsound.
Thanks to Angela Coe for the following TWENTY-ONE Facebook status updates:
____ took your survey, sent you a round, tended your garden, poked you, hugged you, and sent you 10 useless gifts. It's hard being a Facebook friend.
____ sometimes watches birds and wonders, "If I could fly who would I crap on?"
____ has read the rules and decided they are stupid so I will be making my own from now on.
____ wants to know if you've ever wondered if the dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack? If not, you're wondering now! Have a nice day!
____ thinks life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
____ "Humor results when society says you can't scratch certain things in public, but they itch in public." ~Tom Walsh
____ thinks that youth is wasted on the young
____ What does a fish say when it runs into a wall? Damn!
____ JOSH HOLLOWAY NAKED. Whoops! This is not the Google search box...
____ wants you to picture Ronald McDonald tumbling down a flight of stairs while on fire and tell me you're not laughing out loud.
____ is wondering who left the bag of idiots open?
____ How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?
____ can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before I discovered Facebook...
____ is having an out of money experience.
____ Since the world is ending in 2012, I've decided to buy everything at places with a "Don't pay until 2013" plan.
____ just when I thought I could make ends meet...they move the ends.
____ is not here right now, if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.
____ knows where children get their energy.....they drain it from their parents!
____ isn't saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off everything and let the problem solve itself?
____ A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
____ Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Thanks to every single person that took the time to send me an email with suggestions. I can't post them all, but I love reading them!

Do you have a funny status update you'd like to share with the world (or, at least, the people of the world that read this particular blog)? Do you have a hilarious quote or one-liner that worked for you as a Facebook Status update? Please, don't be selfish, people! Send them to me at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. While you're at it, why don't you go ahead and stroke my ego become a "Fan" on Facebook HERE.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I stayed up all night and wrote this Facebook Status updates...so you wouldn't have to:

____ thinks that what I like most about myself is that I'm so understanding when I do something wrong.
____ wonders if the CEO of Classmates.com cries every time he sees the word "Facebook."
____ is the schizophrenic I warned me about.
____ Facebook: A place where all your past mistakes will eventually try to befriend you.
____ likes Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Rebecca.
____ thinks kids are expensive, but you never know when you're gonna need a kidney.
____ thinks it's not the morning that's bothering me. It's the awakeness.
____ thinks rules is made to be broken.
____ Have I told you about my narcissism yet today? It's pretty awesome.
____ Two guys walk into a bar. I was one of them. I don't remember anything else.
____ Idiot, n. - One who disagrees with me.
____ Facebook Astrology tip for today: Bug me and my moon will be in your house.
____ isn't a "control freak." I just happen to know what's best for everybody else.
____ thinks that coffee can make you jumpy and irritable. There are also negative effects.
____ thinks exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
____ understands that good things come to those who wait. Might I ask just how long the line is?
____ thinks humor in the workplace is a good way to improve morale. Well, except for those you're laughing at.
____ Due to an "incident", my Mafia family is entering the Witness Protection in a Farmville several accounts away. (NoirGeek)
____ thinks change is good as long as I don't have to do anything different.
____ has spent an upsetting amount of my life resetting forgotten passwords.
____ loves you more today than yesterday. Yesterday, you really got on my nerves.
____ thinks that apathy is a dish best served at whatever temperature.
____ is peeved that the bank owns a good chunk of this house but hasn't once taken out the garbage. Worst roommate ever.
____ After I die, they will look through my portfolio of Facebook status updates and see that my life was not wasted.
____ is wondering why there was never an Afterschool Special about the dangers of having to work in a cubicle all day? (Wade)
____ So if I don't kill you, I make you stronger? I really don't have any options here.
____ You moon the wrong person at the office party just once, and suddenly you're not "professional" anymore.
____ thinks that the fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
____ thinks it's amazing just how few of the world's problems are my fault.
____ thinks that the trouble I have with trouble is that it usually starts out as fun.
____ wonders how long I would be on hold if my call WASN'T important to them.

Of course, if you become a FAN ON FACEBOOK, you will stroke my ego see them daily and won't have to wait for this list. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. I will publish those that my twisted mind enjoys.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

New Facebook Status updates, 6/01/10:

Friendship:
____ thinks that if my friends want me to get over my inferiority complex, they should stop being better than me.
Work stinks:
____ Just when I thought the meeting couldn't get any worse, someone woke me up.
On the bright side:
____ thinks that being paranoid means never having to think that you're alone.
Exercise:
____ "The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it." -- Joan Rivers
The truth hurts:
____ has abandoned my search for the truth. I am now looking for a good fantasy.
Kids / Parenting:
____ thinks that a perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. I will publish those that my twisted mind enjoys.