Sunday, June 27, 2010

24 new and witty Facebook Status updates, brought to you by my readers:

Thanks to Jenni Wilson for the following four Facebook status updates:
____ thinks that alcohol only hurts me because it loves me.
____ has no time to kill, but lots I'd like to resuscitate.
____ thinks that people will believe anything if you whisper it.
____ thinks that my inability to use emoticons correctly is really getting me down :)
Thanks to NATE COMBS for the following eight Facebook status updates:
____ is dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong.
____'s status update is based on a true story. Names and places have been changed to protect identities.
____ ™ is a registered trademark. All unauthorised reproduction and distribution will lead to prosecution.
____ really likes you*. *Some restrictions may apply. Limited time offer. See a representative for details.
____ says don't worry... it's not contagious.
____ <----- Rockstar!!
____ <----- Is crazy and he knows it
____ is going to grow a Mario mustache.
Thanks to Jase Doe for the following seven Facebook status updates:
____ likes the new "like" button to "like" someone's response to a status they possibly "like".  So, like, when can they add a dis-"like" button? You know, like to use on this status.
____ hadn't realized until Facebook that most of my friends are wannabe farmers, gangsters or cooks.
____ has to get off Facebook and get a life. I wonder if I can get a good one on eBay?
____ needs a way to change my relationship status to "Out of Order" or "Temporarily Out of Service".
____ knows that most people are searching for something; the meaning of life, true love, or their place in the world. Me? I'm just trying to find Waldo.
____ knows two wrongs doesn't make a right, but I'm determined to find out just how many wrongs will.
____ thinks life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.
Thanks to Camilla Kerley for the following two Facebook status updates:
____ Dear people who will friend just anybody to increase the size of your friend list: don't friend me.
____ Dear everybody who always goes to Walmart at the same time I do: I hate you.
Thanks to Ted Egusquiza for the following three Facebook status updates:
____ is wondering where the real life "hide" button is.
____  likes to rhyme, he likes his beats funky...he's spunky, he likes his oatmeal lumpy.
____ loves how he doesn't have to watch the weather channel, he just signs onto Facebook and checks the latest status updates.

Thanks to every single person that took the time to send me an email with suggestions. I can't post them all, but I love reading them!

Do you have a funny status update you'd like to share with the world (or, at least, the people of the world that read this particular blog)? Do you have a hilarious quote or one-liner that worked for you as a Facebook Status update? Please, don't be selfish, people! Send them to me at While you're at it, why don't you go ahead and stroke my ego become a "Fan" on Facebook HERE.