____ sees your passive-aggressive sarcasm, and I'll raise you, one finger.
____ Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
____ thinks that the only problem with seeing if your cat likes espresso is now you're in the same room as a cat that's just had some espresso.
____ invented the word "pseudonym." Don't bother looking it up because I did it under another name.
____ Inspirational words of the day: Why delay the inevitable? Fail now.
____ would never say this of myself , but my friends tell me that my milkshake is particularly adept at bringing gentlemen callers to the estate.
Thanks to Stanley Pitchford for the following two Facebook status updates:
____ just ordered his Vuvuzela ringtone.
____ tries to be tolerant but then other people go and mess it up.
Thanks to Kelly Kern for the following four Facebook status updates::
____ would like to inform everyone that Helen Waite is now in charge of all rush orders. If you are in a hurry, just go to Helen Waite.
____ wonders if this status makes her butt look big
____ used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got her fired
____ People are always saying that alcohol doesn't solve any problems. Then again, neither does milk.
Thanks to Nathan Smith for the following four Facebook status updates:
____ just bought a new Princess Leah costume. Jury duty, here I come!
____ thinks "marry rich" is a perfectly acceptable response when asked "What are you going to do with your philosophy degree?"
____ is wondering why we call them "fingers"... I've never seen them "fing".
____ went above and beyond the call of duty when the cops said "show me your hands": JAZZ HANDS!!! Police love spirit fingers.
Thanks to every single person that took the time to send me an email with suggestions. I can't post them all, but I love reading them!
Do you have a funny status update you'd like to share with the world (or, at least, the people of the world that read this particular blog)? Do you have a hilarious quote or one-liner that worked for you as a Facebook Status update? Please, don't be selfish, people! Send them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. While you're at it, why don't you go ahead and