New and clever FACEBOOK status updates, 7/31/10:

Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ thinks that my attention span is so short I can't even remember what this Facebook Status update was going to be about.
____ Dear Facebook, I will turn on 'Foursquare' right after I decide that being killed by a deranged stalker is the best way to die.
____ thinks that Facebook should give a breathalyzer test before you can sign in. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Until I found Facebook, I had no idea talking to myself could be so entertaining. (from my FAN PAGE)
Friendship:
____ wants to let you know that if I can be of any help . . . you're in worse shape than I thought.
The internet:
____ has never met a "Skip Intro" button I didn't like.
Bad day:
____ thinks that whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do dumb stuff is fired. (from my FAN PAGE)
Wise Quote:
____ "If I do enough different things in enough different ways, I may, eventually, do something right." - Ashleigh Brilliant

Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works!  Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

New, Funny Facebook Status updates, 7/28/10:

Timing:

____ always knows the right thing to say, immediately after the right time to say it has passed.

____ thinks that I may have been born without the "wait, you shouldn't do that!" gene.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale.

Following the rules:

____ doesn't break the rules. I merely test their elasticity.

Wise Quote:

____ "I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy." -- J.C. McKay

Exercise:

____ You know what's awesome about working out? Not a damn thing. (from my FAN PAGE)

Maturity:

____ was just about to say "we're all adults here" in a status update and then I came to my senses. (from my FAN PAGE)

Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works!  Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates

Some of my favorite funny Facebook Status updates about FACEBOOK:

____Irony is people complaining about Facebook's privacy settings when every other update is about their weekly visit to their gynecologist. (original post HERE)
____ Whenever you feel lost and lonely, just remember that I'm probably close by stalking you on Facebook. (original post HERE)
____ should pay a psychiatrist to follow me on Facebook. Then we can skip the therapy sessions and he can just send me the appropriate pills based on my status updates. (original post HERE)
____ Facebook: A place where all your past mistakes will eventually try to befriend you. (original post HERE)
____ thinks that if you took a Facebook IQ Test and it determined you’re a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results. (original post HERE)
____ likes Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Rebecca. (original post HERE)
____ Facebook: It's like a party, but you don't have to wait your turn to speak. (original post HERE)
____ As of today, Facebook staff will be allowed to eat your children, pets, and elderly. To turn this option off, go to Settings, then Privacy, then Employee Meals. Click the top button to not feed the employees of Facebook anything, or Google will send your address to them so they can find your house. (thanks, Josh@killspeidi.blogspot.com!)

Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works!  Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

New Funny Facebook Status updates, 7/25/10:

Ego:
____ thinks that it should be illegal to have humility as awesome as mine is.
Annoying people:
____ believes in taking the bull by the horns. Then I believe in steering it in the direction of whoever is bugging me.
Fun play on words:
____ thinks that it's been a business doing pleasure with you.
Drinking:
____ loves you all so much right now because, well, alcohol. (from my FAN PAGE)
Listening skills:
____ People assume when I yawn that I've lost interest in what they have to say, but truth be told, I was never interested.
Work Stinks:
____ is having trouble sleeping lately. Guess I'll crawl out from under my desk and get some work done. (from my FAN PAGE)
Kids:
____ They say it takes a whole village to raise a child. But no one ever says where it is or how to get there. (thanks, Samantha Quinn!)

Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works!  Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

New Funny Facebook Status updates, 7/21/10:

Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook is like a college dormitory. No matter the hour, there's always someone up. Also, someone is drunk. (from my Fan Page)
____ had a nightmare that farm animals on Facebook were raising imaginary people.
____  thinks that Facebook has revealed that there are many, many people just like me and now I know why the world is screwed.
Mundane things:
____ could do great things if I weren't so busy doing little things.
For the guys:
____ Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this status update without having to sleep on the couch.
Exercise:
____ thinks that, if you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation. Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us. (from my Fan Page)
____ thinks that if it weren't for the fact that my computer and my bed are so far apart, some days I wouldn't get any exercise at all. (thanks, Debbie Fox!)
Wise Quote:
____ "Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you." -- Carl Jung

Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works!  Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

New funny Facebook Status updates, 7/19/10:

Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ wants you to know that this Facebook Status update is doing its small part in our collective effort to kill the art of letter writing.
Coffee:
____ thinks that this coffee is tall, strong and bitter. Just like me. If I worked out, I mean.
Ego:
____ is kind of surprised I'm not an action figure by now.
Nostalgia:
____ thinks that every now and then, I wish it was then instead of now.
Drinking:
____ thinks that alcohol is never the answer......unless the question is, "What is C2H5OH?"
Fan updates:
____ wonders how the hearing-impaired know when their popcorn is finished popping. (thanks, Kirk from St. Louis!)
____  If you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands. (thanks, David Moore!)
____ is just a typical stay-at-home dad. Except I don't do housework or have a wife or any kids. (thanks, Sam Hopkins!)
Wise Quote:
____ "Facebook is launching a panic button to report inappropriate behavior. Maybe I should get ahead of the curve & turn myself in voluntarily?" (John Melhorn, from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)

Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works!  Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

New and Funny Facebook Status updates, 7/16/10:

Getting to know your Facebook friends:
____ has decided I'd like to get to know you all a lot better. Let's start with banking information.
Mafia Wars:
____ thinks that if you send me one more Mafia invite, we're playing for real.
On being wrong:
____ may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to take it back.
Google:
____ Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made something out of myself. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Getting things done:
____ Multi-tasking: twice the mistakes in less time.
Money:
____ has enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. (taken from a Jackie Mason quote)
Wise quote:
____ "There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious." -Steven Colbert

Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works!  Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

New Witty Facebook Status updates, 7/14/10:

Laziness:
____ has invented a new low-intensity cardio workout that requires me to lay completely still on the couch.
Money (or lack of)
____ wishes I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
Caffeine:
____ Coffee...prepare to meet your maker. 
Annoying people:
____ Why is it that the people who tell you to relax are almost always the source of your anxiety? (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Bad Day:
____ is thinking of a number between "one" and "shut the hell up".
Work stinks:
____ Don't judge me. If you're reading this, then you aren't working either. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Fan updates:
____ Sometimes I think about much work stinks and then I remember that I have vodka in the freezer. (thanks, Jessica Griffin!)
____ has been embraced by reality.....does anyone know how to make it let go? (thanks, Tiffany Vann!)
____ has had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. (thanks, Damian Omar Plaza!)
Wise Quote:
____ "I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. " J. D. Salinger

Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works!  Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

New Facebook Status updates, 7/12/10:

Planning:
____ thinks that my "master plan" this year is to have an incredible 5-month plan come to me in a dream by August 1st.
Annoying people:
____ thinks that there IS such a thing as stupid questions and they're asked by stupid people.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ thinks that Facebook is becoming the grown-up version of the "Do you like me? Yes. No. Circle one" letter we passed around in grade school. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Bad day at work:
____ You know what this office needs? Spontaneous human combustions.
Bad day in general:
____ thinks that this day has gone horribly cattywampus (look it up).
Aging:
____ thinks that the night is still young and I already feel old. (thanks, Mindy Lim!)
____ "As I grow older and wiser, I'm increasingly aware that mostly I'm just growing older." (Rowan Pettett)
Fun play on words:
____ wishes you were beer.

Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works!  Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

New hilarious Facebook Status updates, 7/09/10:

Astrology:
____ thinks that the only horoscope you will ever need goes like this: Planets are doing stuff, so it's a good day to do stuff but be prepared in case bad stuff happens. (Jason Sweeney)
Good advice:
____ thinks that you shouldn't listen to other people's foolishness. You should listen to mine.
On trying to help:
____ thinks that if you find yourself saying "but I was only trying to help" a lot, you're not helping.
Money (or lack of):
____  thinks that my wallet just burst into tears.
Wise quote:
____ "There is no such thing as fun for the entire family." -- Jerry Seinfeld
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ It’s not that I’m addicted to Facebook, I'm just unable to quit. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
Annoying people:
____ Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)

Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works!  Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates

New funny Facebook Status Updates, 7/07/10:

Bartenders:
____ thinks that a bartender is just an under-qualified pharmacist.
Money:
____ thinks that there are more important things in life than money. The trouble is, they all cost money.
Fools:
____ thinks that it's impossible to fool-proof anything because fools are so ingenious.
Drinking:
____ is headed out for a quiet beer. Followed by ten noisy ones.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ is getting kind of sleepy. What time does Facebook close?
Exercise (or lack of):
____ "You look like you work out", said no one, to me.
On Aging:
____ Every time you say "Act your age!" I hear, "Be sad with me!" (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)
On Confidence:
____ thinks that "confidence" is the feeling you have just before you really understand the problem. (from my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE)

Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for 9 LONG MONTHS now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works!  Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

New clever Facebook Status updates, 7/05/10:

Craziness:
____ honestly doesn't care if you think I'm crazy. You're just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Coffee:
____ thinks that decaffeinated coffee is like a hairless cat. It exists, but that doesn't make it right. (Steven Winterburn)
Booze:
____ thinks that beer doesn't make me post better Facebook Status updates, it just makes me not care what you think of them.
Annoying people:
____ thinks I might have pulled something rolling my eyes.
____ thinks that for every action there will be someone to have a complete overreaction.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ You post one little joke saying you won the lottery and Facebook finds you 1,347 new possible relatives. 
Wise quote:
____ "In order to keep an open mind, I am trying to avoid learning anything." ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!

I write a new Facebook Status update every single day, MSIB readers.Here are last month's status updates, in one handy blog post:

____Irony is people complaining about Facebook's privacy settings when every other update is about their weekly visit to their gynecologist.
____ got a mosquito bite last night. Bet that little guy is pretty hungover today.
____ should pay a psychiatrist to follow me on Facebook. Then we can skip the therapy sessions and he can just send me the appropriate pills based on my status updates.
____ thinks nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it.
____ Goodbye, pillow. Hello, cruel world.
____ is only on here for entertainment. Please don't try and make me learn anything.
____ "You thought that drinking all weekend would make us go away but we're still here. Happy Monday!" Sincerely, Your Problems.
____ thinks that the key to friendship is to accept the other person's faults. You'll understand this should I ever develop any.
____ thinks that the first few people to join Facebook must have felt like pretty big losers.
____ thinks that nothing quite takes the place of research like making stuff up.
____ thinks that if you took a Facebook IQ Test and it determined you’re a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results.
____ will admit that I would be a lot more interested in what you were saying if it was about me.
____ thinks nothing improves creativity more than a lack of supervision.
____ could careless about proper grammar and word usage.

Of course, if you become a FAN ON FACEBOOK, you will stroke my ego see them daily and won't have to wait for this list. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. I will publish those that my twisted mind enjoys.