Drinking:
____ The first rule of Hangover Club is: SHHHH. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that ignoring things doesn't make them go away, it makes them drunk-dial you.
____ is an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use my liver for is "after" photos. (Angela Helga via FUNNY ON FACEBOOK)
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ gets all of my weather from Facebook.
____ If a creepy person asks why you never add your location to your Facebook Status updates, it's probably a good idea to never add your location to your Facebook Status updates.
____ Does all this updating my Facebook status make my ego look fat? (thanks, Bradley Burns!)
____ On Facebook nobody can hear you scream. Unless you carefully and precisely explain in your Facebook Status update that you are, in fact, screaming.
Words of wisdom:
____ thinks that, at this point in my life, I am surprised by nothing and baffled by everything.
Mornings suck:
____ Time flies when you're throwing your alarm clock across the room. (from my FB Fan Page)
Funny Quote:
____ "I just read that Facebook has reached 500 million users. Congrats to everyone who helped create history's largest stalker buffet." -Conan O'Brien
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
New and Witty Facebook Status updates:
Stress:
____ has found that the best stress reliever in life is not giving a crap.
Want comments?
____ Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Dating:
____ avoids "online dating sites" because they match you up with people who share your interests and I don’t want to go out with a weirdo. (from my FB Fan Page)
Fun play on words:
____ has never had an out-of-body experience. But I've had an out-of-experience body most of my life.
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ If you call to ask if I received the Facebook message you just sent me, you will suffer a slow death. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ Farmville? Meh. Wake me up when they launch "Margaritaville".
People can be jerks:
____ thinks that it's time to stop treating others the way you want to be treated. The others stopped years ago.
____ has found that the best stress reliever in life is not giving a crap.
Want comments?
____ Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Dating:
____ avoids "online dating sites" because they match you up with people who share your interests and I don’t want to go out with a weirdo. (from my FB Fan Page)
Fun play on words:
____ has never had an out-of-body experience. But I've had an out-of-experience body most of my life.
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ If you call to ask if I received the Facebook message you just sent me, you will suffer a slow death. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ Farmville? Meh. Wake me up when they launch "Margaritaville".
People can be jerks:
____ thinks that it's time to stop treating others the way you want to be treated. The others stopped years ago.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
New and Funny Facebook Status updates, 8/24/10:
Competitiveness:
____ People accuse me of being overly competitive. I'm not. I'm the most non-competitive person in the world. No one even comes close. (from my FB Fan Page)
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ WARNING: Facebook contains traces of nuts.
____ "I think I'll join Facebook", said no one productive.
____ Facebook is the perfect fuel for the furnace of procrastination. (from my FB Fan Page)
Work:
____ The best thing about this day? I haven't been fired. The worst thing about this day? I'm still working here. (from my FB Fan Page)
Exercise:
____ would be in great shape if I ran like I did from my problems.
Aging:
____ You're only young once. After that, you need some other excuse for acting like an idiot. (from my FB Fan Page)
Facebook Status updates from my FANS:
____ thinks alcohol ib thae soblution woo ball fiz roblems (thanks, James Kunkel!)
____ The kids next door have challenged me to a water fight... I'm just updating my status while I wait for the kettle to boil (thanks, Mishale!)
____ thinks that it may be Pre-Season Football, but I'm drinking like this game really counts. (thanks, Lucky!)
____ LOADING SWAGGER... ███████████████] 99% (thanks, Stephanie M!)
____ if rabbit's feet are so lucky...what happened to the rabbit? (thanks, Pradeep Menon!)
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
____ People accuse me of being overly competitive. I'm not. I'm the most non-competitive person in the world. No one even comes close. (from my FB Fan Page)
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ WARNING: Facebook contains traces of nuts.
____ "I think I'll join Facebook", said no one productive.
____ Facebook is the perfect fuel for the furnace of procrastination. (from my FB Fan Page)
Work:
____ The best thing about this day? I haven't been fired. The worst thing about this day? I'm still working here. (from my FB Fan Page)
Exercise:
____ would be in great shape if I ran like I did from my problems.
Aging:
____ You're only young once. After that, you need some other excuse for acting like an idiot. (from my FB Fan Page)
Facebook Status updates from my FANS:
____ thinks alcohol ib thae soblution woo ball fiz roblems (thanks, James Kunkel!)
____ The kids next door have challenged me to a water fight... I'm just updating my status while I wait for the kettle to boil (thanks, Mishale!)
____ thinks that it may be Pre-Season Football, but I'm drinking like this game really counts. (thanks, Lucky!)
____ LOADING SWAGGER... ███████████████] 99% (thanks, Stephanie M!)
____ if rabbit's feet are so lucky...what happened to the rabbit? (thanks, Pradeep Menon!)
FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
New Facebook Status updates, 8/19/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ You know people who say they don't want to be on Facebook because they don't want to read what people are having for lunch? Screw them, I'm eating a sandwich. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
____ thinks that Facebook saved me from a terrifying keeping-my-thoughts-to-myself addiction. (from my FB Fan Page)
Modesty is awesome:
____ was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day." (Ryan Collins)
Life Lessons:
____ is beginning to think that the key to happiness is to learn to like the things you hate.
Bad day:
____ It's not even 10 o'clock and I've already used up all my "give a crap" for the day.
Thou Shalt Not Steal:
____ thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet connec
Drinking:
____ thinks that the current news of a wheat shortage doesn't concern me, as Jack Daniels is made from corn. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that the best part of being a grown-up is how I can call this Bloody Mary a meal. (from my FB Fan Page)
I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ You know people who say they don't want to be on Facebook because they don't want to read what people are having for lunch? Screw them, I'm eating a sandwich. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
____ thinks that Facebook saved me from a terrifying keeping-my-thoughts-to-myself addiction. (from my FB Fan Page)
Modesty is awesome:
____ was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day." (Ryan Collins)
Life Lessons:
____ is beginning to think that the key to happiness is to learn to like the things you hate.
Bad day:
____ It's not even 10 o'clock and I've already used up all my "give a crap" for the day.
Thou Shalt Not Steal:
____ thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet connec
Drinking:
____ thinks that the current news of a wheat shortage doesn't concern me, as Jack Daniels is made from corn. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that the best part of being a grown-up is how I can call this Bloody Mary a meal. (from my FB Fan Page)
I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
New FACEBOOK status updates, 8/15/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ doesn't correct the typos in my Facebook status updates because making the people who "like" them feel stupid is more fun.
____ thinks that teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant. (thanks, Alexandra Bingham!)
____ has no sense of direction. For example, I have no idea where I am going with this status update.
____ takes pride in never using the word "apparently" in any of my Facebook Status updates. Until now. Apparently.
Drinking:
____ is wondering what kind of loser spends Thursday night drinking and bragging about it on Facebook? Anyway, I'm totally drunk. (from my FAN PAGE)
Laws:
____ thinks that if it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.
Friendship:
____ thinks that some of you make impulsive, poorly thought out decisions. We should hang out more. (from my FAN PAGE)
More Fan Status updates:
____ thinks that my GPS would make the perfect husband/wife… It sits quietly in the car, never complains about my driving, and when it has something to say, it says something useful. (thanks, Thierry Croizer!)
____ is wondering when I should execute my Jet Blue moment? (thanks, Ty Romsa!)
____ is the one they are referring to when they say "there's one in every crowd..." (thanks, Grant Schmarr!)
I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ doesn't correct the typos in my Facebook status updates because making the people who "like" them feel stupid is more fun.
____ thinks that teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant. (thanks, Alexandra Bingham!)
____ has no sense of direction. For example, I have no idea where I am going with this status update.
____ takes pride in never using the word "apparently" in any of my Facebook Status updates. Until now. Apparently.
Drinking:
____ is wondering what kind of loser spends Thursday night drinking and bragging about it on Facebook? Anyway, I'm totally drunk. (from my FAN PAGE)
Laws:
____ thinks that if it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.
Friendship:
____ thinks that some of you make impulsive, poorly thought out decisions. We should hang out more. (from my FAN PAGE)
More Fan Status updates:
____ thinks that my GPS would make the perfect husband/wife… It sits quietly in the car, never complains about my driving, and when it has something to say, it says something useful. (thanks, Thierry Croizer!)
____ is wondering when I should execute my Jet Blue moment? (thanks, Ty Romsa!)
____ is the one they are referring to when they say "there's one in every crowd..." (thanks, Grant Schmarr!)
I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
New and Witty Facebook Status updates, 8/11/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ You know what I like to do on Facebook? Answer my own questions.
____ If at first you don't succeed, wait a third of your life and look him/her up on Facebook.
Dieting is stupid:
____ thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off. (from my FAN PAGE)
Bad day:
____ thinks that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Creativity:
____ is just making stuff up now.
Status update about DRINKING:
____ is pretty tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they've never even heard of vodka before.
A few FAN UPDATES:
____ wonders how we really know that hard work never killed anybody, when the only reliable witness may be dead? (thanks, Angela S!)
____ "I'm really bad with directions," translates to me as "I'm too stupid to read road signs." (thanks, Dan Rodriguez!)
_____ is debating on a new career path, but can't decide if I would make a better professional thumb wrestler or butt model. (thanks, Matt Gilliland!)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ You know what I like to do on Facebook? Answer my own questions.
____ If at first you don't succeed, wait a third of your life and look him/her up on Facebook.
Dieting is stupid:
____ thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off. (from my FAN PAGE)
Bad day:
____ thinks that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Creativity:
____ is just making stuff up now.
Status update about DRINKING:
____ is pretty tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they've never even heard of vodka before.
A few FAN UPDATES:
____ wonders how we really know that hard work never killed anybody, when the only reliable witness may be dead? (thanks, Angela S!)
____ "I'm really bad with directions," translates to me as "I'm too stupid to read road signs." (thanks, Dan Rodriguez!)
_____ is debating on a new career path, but can't decide if I would make a better professional thumb wrestler or butt model. (thanks, Matt Gilliland!)
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
New and hilarious Facebook Status updates, 8/07/10:
Maturity:
____ thinks it's not that I'm immature, it's just that you started it. (from my FAN PAGE)
Bad day:
____ thinks that a lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
____ would like to give you a piece of my mind, but this is my last piece.
Status update about drinking / being drunk:
____ Guess drunk? I'm what! (from my FAN PAGE)
Status update about kids:
____ thinks that "patience" is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Annoying People:
____ Ask your doctor if "Shutting the Hell Up" is right for you.
Huh?
____ never contradicts myself. And if you say otherwise, I will agree with you. (from my FAN PAGE)
Wise Quote:
"When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges." -Jack Handy
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ thinks it's not that I'm immature, it's just that you started it. (from my FAN PAGE)
Bad day:
____ thinks that a lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
____ would like to give you a piece of my mind, but this is my last piece.
Status update about drinking / being drunk:
____ Guess drunk? I'm what! (from my FAN PAGE)
Status update about kids:
____ thinks that "patience" is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Annoying People:
____ Ask your doctor if "Shutting the Hell Up" is right for you.
Huh?
____ never contradicts myself. And if you say otherwise, I will agree with you. (from my FAN PAGE)
Wise Quote:
"When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges." -Jack Handy
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
New and witty Facebook Status updates, 8/03/10:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ thinks that hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook.
____ You wouldn't believe how much time it's taken for me to send this Facebook Status update from a payphone. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Thanks to Facebook, I no longer check breaking news, celebrity obituaries or wonder what the current weather is like. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ is already deleting my drunk Facebook status updates, and it's not even tomorrow.
Annoying People:
____ tries to surround myself with happy, positive people, but sometimes they just really piss me off.
Fan update:
____ "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek. (thanks, Joseph Perez)
Wise Quote:
"I don't believe it. Prove it to me, and I still won't believe it." Douglas Adams
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
____ thinks that hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook.
____ You wouldn't believe how much time it's taken for me to send this Facebook Status update from a payphone. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Thanks to Facebook, I no longer check breaking news, celebrity obituaries or wonder what the current weather is like. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ is already deleting my drunk Facebook status updates, and it's not even tomorrow.
Annoying People:
____ tries to surround myself with happy, positive people, but sometimes they just really piss me off.
Fan update:
____ "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek. (thanks, Joseph Perez)
Wise Quote:
"I don't believe it. Prove it to me, and I still won't believe it." Douglas Adams
Couldn't find a status update you could use from this batch? I've been writing this blog for quite some time now, and have written thousands of status updates just for you. Look around my site for a bit and you are bound to find something that works! Also, I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new status update DAILY, click HERE to become a Fan. Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Send me an email at mystatusisbaddest@yahoo.com. Thanks for stopping by!
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