Thursday, November 25, 2010

What am I thankful for? My readers are the best! Here are some of my favorite reader-submitted status updates:

____ is dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong. (thanks, Nate Combs!)
____ has a new philosophy to foster peace and harmony in the universe: GIVE ME WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT. (thanks, Nathan Smith!)
_____ thinks that about 50 years from now, tombstones will read: "Beloved wife, mother, sister, daughter...and Facebook friend" (thanks, Katie Grainger!)
____ wonders how we really know that hard work never killed anybody, when the only reliable witness may be dead? (thanks, Angela S!)
____ thinks that teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant. (thanks, Alexandra Bingham!)
____ "The best revenge is a life well-lived" is so true, but it doesn't provide the instant gratification I seek. (thanks, Joseph Perez)
____ thinks that my inability to use emoticons correctly is really getting me down :) (thanks, Jenni Wilson!)
____ knows that two wrongs don't make a right, but I'm determined to find out just how many wrongs will. (thanks, Jase Doe!)
____ sees your passive-aggressive sarcasm, and I'll raise you, one finger. (thanks, Mary McClure!)
____ would like to inform everyone that Helen Waite is now in charge of all rush orders. If you are in a hurry, just go to Helen Waite. (thanks, Kelly Kern!)
____ bets the road to hell looks just like a Walmart parking lot.(thanks, Kim Staggs!)
____ can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before I discovered Facebook... (thanks, Angela Coe!)

Are you a fan of my blog? Clearly, you have excellent taste! Do you pride yourself on writing unique Facebook status updates of your own? Send them to me at and if I like them, I'll publish them and give you credit. As always, thanks for reading!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

A few new FACEBOOK status updates, 11/18/10:

____ Some things time cannot erase. That's why alcohol exists. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
____ If a tree fell in the woods and knocked over my beer, I'd be pissed whether I heard it or not.
Bad day?
____ is living the dream! Unfortunately, I think it's the bad one where I come to school with no pants on.
Growing up (or not):
____ The older I get, the more I desperately cling to my immaturity.
Other drivers:
____ Driving schools: Failing to teach people how to properly merge since the beginning of time. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
____ the people who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.
Words of wisdom:
____ Always use tasteful words because you may have to eat them.
____ Nothing ruins a perfectly pleasant day like going to work. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
Boring day?
____ thinks that the most fearless thing I did today was take a sip of my coffee without checking to see if it was too hot.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

New Facebook Status updates, 11/15/10:

Facebook Status updates about WORK:
____ Do you know that feeling when you have a lot of work to do and you don't know where to start? That's why I'm on Facebook.
____ They say that hard work never killed anybody but I'm hoping my boss will be the first. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
____ Raise your hand if you would add your boss as a Facebook friend. Now with the other hand slap yourself in the face. (thanks, Keith Wells!)
Sarcastic Facebook Status update:
____ What a good morning!* *Facebook status update may or may not contain BS.
Feeling unappreciated?
____ thinks that worst feeling in the world is when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you.
____ It's becoming very clear that I'm getting the "Winner of Nothing" award for 2010.
____ If your friends aren't making fun of you, they're not really your friends. (from my Facebook Fan Page)
____ is lying here unable to sleep, thinking about tomorrow when I'll be lying here unable to wake up.
Deep thought:
____ wishes God hadn't hidden all of my talents so well. (from my Facebook Fan Page)

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Do you know a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at

Funny picture to post on Facebook:

Thanks to my buddies at FUNNY ON FACEBOOK!

Tags: Clever Facebook Status updates, Awesome Facebook Status updates, Funny Facebook Status updates, Sarcastic Facebook Status updates, Hilarious Facebook Status updates, Smartass Facebook Status updates, Witty Facebook Status updates, Weird Facebook Status updates, Silly Facebook Status updates, Creative Facebook Status updates, Brilliant Facebook Status updates, Funniest Facebook Status updates

Sunday, November 7, 2010

New Facebook Status updates, 11/7/10:

____ Whenever I Google something, I get so distracted by the absurd things others have Googled that I rarely get my answer. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ thinks that procrastination is exhausting.
Facebook Status update about Mondays:
____ Today is Monday, and that's reason enough for me to hate it. (from my FB Fan Page)
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ This Facebook Status update has absolutely no nutritional value.
____ would drink more water if it were packed with barley, hops and grains.
____ If you're going to walk a mile in my shoes, can you pick me up some booze on your way back? (from my FB Fan Page)
____ People who can't find happiness aren't in a liquor store. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ always contradicts myself. No I don't. (from my FB Fan Page)
____ feels like nobody is ever *really* listening until I make a mistake.
____ The only thing I've learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them.
____ has my own way of doing things...generally clumsy and usually late. (from my FB Fan Page)
Flu season:
____ Everybody get your flu shots now! Make sure all of your family and friends do too. Then I won't have to get one.

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at

Monday, November 1, 2010

New Facebook Status updates, 11/01/10

____ was planning to do something today, but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday.
____ Learning from your own mistakes is the biggest mistake you can make. Carefully observe the stupidity of others and learn from theirs instead.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so as not to appear a complete shut-in who hasn't left the house. -Sent from my iPhone
Bad day?
____ hates when reality stomps its filthy feet all over my happy place.
____ If being apathetic is wrong, then I don’t care.
____ Sometimes I realize that I *am* the problem but it feels better to blame you people.
____ thinks that talking louder does not make you any less wrong. (from my Facebook FAN PAGE)

FYI: I grace my Facebook Fan page with a new update daily. Click HERE to become a Fan on Facebook! Want to share a funny, clever or witty Facebook status update? Do you have a funny one-liner you'd like to share? Send me an email at

For more "Fan Page" Status updates, click HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE. I know you have a choice when choosing websites to "steal" Facebook Status updates from. I'm happy that today, wherever you are in the world, you chose mine. I update often, so check back!