Wednesday, March 23, 2011

New Facebook Status updates, 3/23/11:

Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ When people tell me I can't do something, I prove them wrong by complaining about it on Facebook.
Bad choices:
____ apparently has good taste in poor decision making.
____ hates it when I can feel the stupidity seeping out of my mouth but can't put a lid on it.
Work stinks:
____ may have miscalculated my ability to enjoy my job.
____ Some people say that all of my dreams will come true if I work hard enough. What if my dream is to not work hard?
____ Pride, commitment, teamwork--words they use to get you to work for free.
____ What this day needs is more witty banter.
____ is trying to understand why people have different opinons than I do.
Suck it, winter:
____ Winter: It's like the crazy murderer in a horror movie. Just when you think it's dead, it strikes one last time.

I'd like to say a special THANK YOU to one of my favorite "fans" on Facebook, NOB ODY. Thanks for all of the status updates on my FAN PAGE. If I made any money doing this blog, I'd send you some. How about a nice pat on the back instead? Here are a few of my favorites that NOB ODY has posted:
____ was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
____ "Advice for the Day: Relationships are like farting, if you push too hard, things could get messy real fast."
____ If we all don't die on December 21, 2012, I have a feeling there will be a lot of babies born on September 20th, 2013.
____ Through my bank, I can text them & they will text me back my balance. I could do without the LOL at the end of it though.
____ wishes there was a place I could go to collect all the wonderful things people are giving up for Lent.
____ Some people who copy and paste jokes from other's status messages are idiots… A few seconds ago • Like • Comment

Keep the status updates coming, and thanks for visiting my blog! If I made you smile, even for a second, I've done my job.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Happy Monday! New Facebook Status updates, 3/14/11:

____ The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And Mondays.
____ can't believe Google is cocky enough to start guessing after one letter.
____ already owns a 3D television. I call it "my window." (from my FAN PAGE)
____ No one would ever be intimidated by me if they saw my reaction to any spider. (ixSEANxi, from FUNNY ON FACEBOOK)
Gas Prices:
____ If you listen closely, you can hear the gas pump whisper "goodbye" to your kid's college fund. :(
____ People tend to have two reasons for doing a thing; one that sounds good and a real one.
____ The suspense of not knowing which dumb thing I'm going to do tonight is killing me!

Find the Best Anagram of Your Name was a big hit on my FAN PAGE last week. Your friends will dig it, trust me.  Example: MY STATUS IS BADDEST = TASTY, MUDDIEST BASS.

***Need more funny material for Facebook? Check out my friend's blog,  FUNNY ON FACEBOOK. While they provide additional funny Facebook Status updates, they also carefully select funny and interesting tweets to use as your status update. Thanks for stopping by!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

New Facebook Status updates, 3/09/11:

Facebook Status updates about FACEBOOK:
____ can't even take a picture these days without someone yelling at me, "You better not put that on Facebook!" (from my FACEBOOK PAGE)
____ doesn't know what I'd do without Facebook. Probably my homework.
____ Facebook could make a lot more money if they saved our browsing history and threatened to release it to the general public.
____ The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don't check Facebook for 3+ hours.
____ The thing I like best about myself is how well I can make stuff up when I don't know the answer.
____ Intelligence is like underwear: It's important to have it, but you don't have to show it off...
____ thinks that there should be a Nobel Prize for getting your drunk friends home.


Thursday, March 3, 2011


Facebook status updates about Facebook:
____ needs a Facebook friend named Hontas, so I can "poke" a Hontas. (posted on my FAN PAGE by Donna Young)
____ wishes that some people would at least clean up their bathroom before they take their profile picture.
Facebook status updates about SCHOOL:
____ What this class needs is a mute button.
____ You can tell how well someone has studied by how well they are protecting their test paper. (thanks, Samantha Cooper!)
____ Someone needs to uninvent the internet so I can get some stuff done. (from my FACEBOOK PAGE)
____ Just when I think I couldn't possibly be any lazier, I surprise myself.
____ If someone says "I'll get back to you," it apparently means "I'm going to forget we had this conversation."
____ Whenever I say, "I don't mean that in a bad way", I usually do. (from my FACEBOOK PAGE)
Stupid people:
____ If people insist on acting like an idiot, I must insist on treating them like one. (posted by Dillon Vantine on my FAN PAGE)

Think you can do better?
Step 1: Become A FAN on Facebook.
Step 2: Post a status update on my fan page that you think is awesome.
Step 3: Pat yourself on the back, because you've accomplished something big today!