Mondays suck:
____ if I wake up early on a Monday, it's only because there are a lot of things I might want to eat that day.
__ thought it would be a good idea to make a list of everything I've learned on Facebook. Then I laughed and laughed until I cried.
Plants:
____ has yet to meet a houseplant that I can’t kill easily.
Childhood:
____ is wondering why one of the highlights of my childhood was talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
Hypocrisy:
____ can't stand it if I'm excluded from an activity even if I have no intention of going and don't like those who are. (from my FAN PAGE)
Happiness:
____ Maybe the people that say money can’t buy happiness are just buying the wrong stuff?
Monday, April 25, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
New Facebook Status updates, 4/22/11:
Work:
____ A lot of times I miss work. Except now. And now. And also, now.
Observations:
____ Does anybody else check their keyboard after somebody mispells something to see how close the letters were? (via FUNNY ON FACEBOOK)
____ thinks it's interesting that alcohol turns everyone into a gymnast.
Grammar:
____ Of course I won't judge you if you use poor grammar. My judgment is only reserved for the intelligent people I choose to spend time with. ;)
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ Facebook should allow you to automatically de-friend your ex from all of your friends. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Phone commercials need to stop pretending it's so great that you can "check Facebook right from your phone." For crying out loud people, this is 2011, I can update Facebook from my toaster.
____ Remember before smartphones when we had to update our Facebook statuses from our laptops? God, it's like we were cavemen! (from my FAN PAGE)
Google:
____ Google has severely diminished the chance that I will ever just take your word for it that you know something.
Sarcasm:
____ doesn't want to sound ignorant, but if I can't understand something, then it's stupid and I hate it. (thanks, LIKE THY STATUS)
Vacation:
____ can't afford to go away on vacation, so I'm just going to drink until I don't know where I am.
Think you can do better?
Step 1: Become A FAN on Facebook.
Step 2: Post a status update on my fan page that you think is awesome.
Step 3: Pat yourself on the back, because you've accomplished something big today!
Step 4: Check my blog each SUNDAY to see my favorite FAN-SUBMITTED Facebook Status updates from each week! Thanks for visiting MY STATUS IS BADDEST :)
____ A lot of times I miss work. Except now. And now. And also, now.
Observations:
____ Does anybody else check their keyboard after somebody mispells something to see how close the letters were? (via FUNNY ON FACEBOOK)
____ thinks it's interesting that alcohol turns everyone into a gymnast.
Grammar:
____ Of course I won't judge you if you use poor grammar. My judgment is only reserved for the intelligent people I choose to spend time with. ;)
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ Facebook should allow you to automatically de-friend your ex from all of your friends. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Phone commercials need to stop pretending it's so great that you can "check Facebook right from your phone." For crying out loud people, this is 2011, I can update Facebook from my toaster.
____ Remember before smartphones when we had to update our Facebook statuses from our laptops? God, it's like we were cavemen! (from my FAN PAGE)
Google:
____ Google has severely diminished the chance that I will ever just take your word for it that you know something.
Sarcasm:
____ doesn't want to sound ignorant, but if I can't understand something, then it's stupid and I hate it. (thanks, LIKE THY STATUS)
Vacation:
____ can't afford to go away on vacation, so I'm just going to drink until I don't know where I am.
Think you can do better?
Step 1: Become A FAN on Facebook.
Step 2: Post a status update on my fan page that you think is awesome.
Step 3: Pat yourself on the back, because you've accomplished something big today!
Step 4: Check my blog each SUNDAY to see my favorite FAN-SUBMITTED Facebook Status updates from each week! Thanks for visiting MY STATUS IS BADDEST :)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
New Facebook Status updates, 4/17/11:
Autocorrect:
____ Autocorrect can kiss my ask. (from my FB Fan Page)
Bad Day?
____ Today, the day seized me.
____ never thought I would be a morning person. I was right.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ Facebook: The site that never sleeps. Or does anything constructive...
Big Words:
____ is feeling particularly lackadaisical today.
Annoying People:
____ People who wake up completely refreshed from a 20 minute nap really annoy me.
____ The most annoying kind of people are other ones.
Texting:
____ When someone I usually only text with decides to call me, I automatically assume that something terrible happened.
Traffic:
____ Sitting in traffic isn't bad as long as my lane is moving a little faster than the one next to me.
Stupidity:
____ When I do something stupid, my first thought is whether it would make a funny story or I should take it to my grave.
I adore a fantastic Facebook Status update, I really do. I look for quality, not quantity whilst creating my blog posts. You may find MORE Facebook Status updates on other websites, but you'll find the BEST here! If you want to share one with a group of incredibly clever and brilliant people, check out my FAN PAGE. Thanks for stopping by!
____ Autocorrect can kiss my ask. (from my FB Fan Page)
Bad Day?
____ Today, the day seized me.
____ never thought I would be a morning person. I was right.
Facebook Status update about Facebook:
____ Facebook: The site that never sleeps. Or does anything constructive...
Big Words:
____ is feeling particularly lackadaisical today.
Annoying People:
____ People who wake up completely refreshed from a 20 minute nap really annoy me.
____ The most annoying kind of people are other ones.
Texting:
____ When someone I usually only text with decides to call me, I automatically assume that something terrible happened.
Traffic:
____ Sitting in traffic isn't bad as long as my lane is moving a little faster than the one next to me.
Stupidity:
____ When I do something stupid, my first thought is whether it would make a funny story or I should take it to my grave.
I adore a fantastic Facebook Status update, I really do. I look for quality, not quantity whilst creating my blog posts. You may find MORE Facebook Status updates on other websites, but you'll find the BEST here! If you want to share one with a group of incredibly clever and brilliant people, check out my FAN PAGE. Thanks for stopping by!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
My Facebook "Fans" make me laugh!
Wow. A few weeks ago I suggested that my FACEBOOK FANS share their favorite status updates on my FAN PAGE. I had no idea that you were such a crazy lot of overachievers. It warms my heart to know that anybody reads my rambling blog, much less wants to contribute. This blog post is for you.
Nob Ody:
____ My internet went down yesterday. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible...
____ How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what someone said?
____ Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
____ asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
____ used to play sports. Then I realized I can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.
____ Facebook should change it from 'friends' to 'people I've made eye contact with."
____ Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great you are would probably get old.
____ When I was little I used to close the fridge door really slowly just to see when the light went out.
____ refuses to jump on the "I hate Mondays" bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally.
Alberto Ceballos
____ "Kidnapping" is such a strong word, i prefer to say "surprise adoption."
____ wishes my mouth had a backspace key.
____ sometimes i wish i could delete other people's Facebook Status updates.
Melissa Grenewalt:
____ People point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
Gagan Adiwal:
____ A scientist and his friend walk into a bar and he says "I'll have a cup of H2O." His friend says "I'll have a cup of H2O too" then he dies.
Jenna Sokolich
____ thinks that Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around in random items.
Glady Joyce
____ Friends don't let friends get tagged in pictures which can cause breakups.
Leilani Christi:
____ Dilemma: do I wash the dishes, or attempt to eat cornflakes from a cup with a knife?
____ wishes love was like volleyball; all you do is call 'MINE!' and everyone else backs off...
Jenni More:
____ Kids are like farts--you can only tolerate your own.
____ Being an adult means going to the grocery store, paying a ton of money and still having nothing to eat.
____ is not mean, I'm provoked.
Jackie Vargas:
____ Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I'm wide awake. Not sure who won.
____ Dear Week, I’m so over you. I’m leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don’t try to find us for at least two days. Love (not really), Me.
Sheila Murphy
____ Lady Gaga shows up covered in meat to the Vmas, then in an egg to the Grammys--- couple more red carpets and she will be a Denny's grand slam!
Michael O'Donnell:
____ With all these allergy meds I've taken, I could pass out at any given ti
Hannah Froncek:
____ (insert cleverness here).
I couldn't publish them all, so keep posting! Thanks everybody :)
Nob Ody:
____ My internet went down yesterday. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible...
____ How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what someone said?
____ Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
____ asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
____ used to play sports. Then I realized I can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.
____ Facebook should change it from 'friends' to 'people I've made eye contact with."
____ Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great you are would probably get old.
____ When I was little I used to close the fridge door really slowly just to see when the light went out.
____ refuses to jump on the "I hate Mondays" bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally.
Alberto Ceballos
____ "Kidnapping" is such a strong word, i prefer to say "surprise adoption."
____ wishes my mouth had a backspace key.
____ sometimes i wish i could delete other people's Facebook Status updates.
Melissa Grenewalt:
____ People point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
Gagan Adiwal:
____ A scientist and his friend walk into a bar and he says "I'll have a cup of H2O." His friend says "I'll have a cup of H2O too" then he dies.
Jenna Sokolich
____ thinks that Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around in random items.
Glady Joyce
____ Friends don't let friends get tagged in pictures which can cause breakups.
Leilani Christi:
____ Dilemma: do I wash the dishes, or attempt to eat cornflakes from a cup with a knife?
____ wishes love was like volleyball; all you do is call 'MINE!' and everyone else backs off...
Jenni More:
____ Kids are like farts--you can only tolerate your own.
____ Being an adult means going to the grocery store, paying a ton of money and still having nothing to eat.
____ is not mean, I'm provoked.
Jackie Vargas:
____ Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I'm wide awake. Not sure who won.
____ Dear Week, I’m so over you. I’m leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don’t try to find us for at least two days. Love (not really), Me.
Sheila Murphy
____ Lady Gaga shows up covered in meat to the Vmas, then in an egg to the Grammys--- couple more red carpets and she will be a Denny's grand slam!
Michael O'Donnell:
____ With all these allergy meds I've taken, I could pass out at any given ti
Hannah Froncek:
____ (insert cleverness here).
I couldn't publish them all, so keep posting! Thanks everybody :)
Saturday, April 9, 2011
New Facebook Status updates, 4/09/11
Good Facebook Friends:
____ would swim across the Ocean for some of my Facebook friends! Lol, just kidding. There are sharks in there!
BAD Facebook Friends:
____ By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my a$$!
____ Hey Facebook, if I have 75 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends, it means I don't like them. Take a hint.
Bossy Facebook Friends:
____ Post this as your status update if you hate status updates that tell you to repost something. (from my FAN PAGE)
Stupid People:
____ isn't cranky, I just have a violent reaction to stupid people. (from my FAN PAGE)
Drinking:
____ drinks too much 20% of the time. I lie about how much I drink 80% of the time.
____ is worried that my drinking might be affecting my memory. I'm also worried it might be affecting my memory. (from my FAN PAGE)
BS:
____ It's not that I don't believe you, I'm just 100% sure you're full of crap.
____ If cars could run on BS, we would ALL have full tanks. Always.
Facebook Status updates about FACEBOOK:
____ How do people that aren't on Facebook procrastinate?
Think you can do better?
Step 1: Become A FAN on Facebook.
Step 2: Post a status update on my fan page that you think is awesome.
Step 3: Pat yourself on the back, because you've accomplished something big today!
Step 4: Check my blog each SUNDAY to see my favorite FAN-SUBMITTED Facebook Status updates from each week! Thanks for visiting MY STATUS IS BADDEST :)
____ would swim across the Ocean for some of my Facebook friends! Lol, just kidding. There are sharks in there!
BAD Facebook Friends:
____ By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my a$$!
____ Hey Facebook, if I have 75 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends, it means I don't like them. Take a hint.
Bossy Facebook Friends:
____ Post this as your status update if you hate status updates that tell you to repost something. (from my FAN PAGE)
Stupid People:
____ isn't cranky, I just have a violent reaction to stupid people. (from my FAN PAGE)
Drinking:
____ drinks too much 20% of the time. I lie about how much I drink 80% of the time.
____ is worried that my drinking might be affecting my memory. I'm also worried it might be affecting my memory. (from my FAN PAGE)
BS:
____ It's not that I don't believe you, I'm just 100% sure you're full of crap.
____ If cars could run on BS, we would ALL have full tanks. Always.
Facebook Status updates about FACEBOOK:
____ How do people that aren't on Facebook procrastinate?
Think you can do better?
Step 1: Become A FAN on Facebook.
Step 2: Post a status update on my fan page that you think is awesome.
Step 3: Pat yourself on the back, because you've accomplished something big today!
Step 4: Check my blog each SUNDAY to see my favorite FAN-SUBMITTED Facebook Status updates from each week! Thanks for visiting MY STATUS IS BADDEST :)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
New Facebook Status updates, 4/04/11:
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ Facebook gives me a chance to have meaningful conversations with my friends. Only when there's an awkward silence, I can walk away and go make myself a snack.
____ Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
____ thinks that this shameless self-promotion on Facebook has gotten out of control. BTW: I am awesome.
Sleep:
____ If you have to wake me up to ask to borrow something, the answer is no.
Bad Decisions:
____ Any story you tell about something you did the night before, that starts with the word "apparently," is probably awesome.
Offended?
____ was completely offended, but then you said "no offense," so now everything's cool.
Google:
____ wants to be there when Google takes the street view picture of my address. The possibilities are endless.
Think you can do better?
Step 1: Become A FAN on Facebook.
Step 2: Post a status update on my fan page that you think is awesome.
Step 3: Pat yourself on the back, because you've accomplished something big today!
____ Facebook gives me a chance to have meaningful conversations with my friends. Only when there's an awkward silence, I can walk away and go make myself a snack.
____ Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
____ thinks that this shameless self-promotion on Facebook has gotten out of control. BTW: I am awesome.
Sleep:
____ If you have to wake me up to ask to borrow something, the answer is no.
Bad Decisions:
____ Any story you tell about something you did the night before, that starts with the word "apparently," is probably awesome.
Offended?
____ was completely offended, but then you said "no offense," so now everything's cool.
Google:
____ wants to be there when Google takes the street view picture of my address. The possibilities are endless.
Think you can do better?
Step 1: Become A FAN on Facebook.
Step 2: Post a status update on my fan page that you think is awesome.
Step 3: Pat yourself on the back, because you've accomplished something big today!
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