Wow. A few weeks ago I suggested that my FACEBOOK FANS share their favorite status updates on my FAN PAGE. I had no idea that you were such a crazy lot of overachievers. It warms my heart to know that anybody reads my rambling blog, much less wants to contribute. This blog post is for you.
____ My internet went down yesterday. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible...
____ How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what someone said?
____ Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
____ asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
____ used to play sports. Then I realized I can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.
____ Facebook should change it from 'friends' to 'people I've made eye contact with."
____ Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great you are would probably get old.
____ When I was little I used to close the fridge door really slowly just to see when the light went out.
____ refuses to jump on the "I hate Mondays" bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally.
____ "Kidnapping" is such a strong word, i prefer to say "surprise adoption."
____ wishes my mouth had a backspace key.
____ sometimes i wish i could delete other people's Facebook Status updates.
____ People point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
____ A scientist and his friend walk into a bar and he says "I'll have a cup of H2O." His friend says "I'll have a cup of H2O too" then he dies.
____ thinks that Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around in random items.
____ Friends don't let friends get tagged in pictures which can cause breakups.
____ Dilemma: do I wash the dishes, or attempt to eat cornflakes from a cup with a knife?
____ wishes love was like volleyball; all you do is call 'MINE!' and everyone else backs off...
____ Kids are like farts--you can only tolerate your own.
____ Being an adult means going to the grocery store, paying a ton of money and still having nothing to eat.
____ is not mean, I'm provoked.
____ Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I'm wide awake. Not sure who won.
____ Dear Week, I’m so over you. I’m leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don’t try to find us for at least two days. Love (not really), Me.
____ Lady Gaga shows up covered in meat to the Vmas, then in an egg to the Grammys--- couple more red carpets and she will be a Denny's grand slam!
____ With all these allergy meds I've taken, I could pass out at any given ti
____ (insert cleverness here).
I couldn't publish them all, so keep posting! Thanks everybody :)