Monday, May 16, 2011

Here are THIRTY of my favorite Fan Page Facebook Status updates from the last week:

My FACEBOOK FANS publish clever Facebook status updates ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. Thanks to all who support my blog and what I do! I truly enjoy the "art" of a good Facebook Status update, and clearly, so do you:

____ The great thing about living in a small town is that if I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does. (Amy Starken)
____ Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but i deliberately choose not to be friends with? (Jason Wright)
____ Sarcasm - honesty's drunk uncle. (No Body)
____ doesn't have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. (Gagan Adiwal)
____ You know that feeling when you arrive at work in the morning excited for the new day; looking forward to new challenges? Me neither. (Robin Jennen Mann)
____ If we laid all the Facebook account owners end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown. (Yara Arafa)
____ When I get a piece of mail and the envelope is stamped "Statement Enclosed" I always hope it says "You're freakin' awesome!!!". (Kristie Jackson)
____ would call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose. (Kathryn Wilson)
____ is gonna take a hot shower. It's just like a normal shower but with me in it. (Trish Gill)
____ If you can't be a good example - - then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. (Jackie Vargas)
____ Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. (Eddie Soto)
____ Want World Peace?? Replace Oxygen with Helium. Who could stay mad at someone that sounds like a Chipmunk?!? (Gagan Adiwal)
____ It's good to know you'll always have your parents' unconditional love. Until they figure out this "Facebook" thing. (Michelle Lacy Lauff)
____ Breaking News: Jamie Lee Curtis to star in new horror movie about a haunted yogurt shop. It's called Paranormal Activia. (Matt Albie)
____ FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person. (Nobo Dy)
____ ATTENTION SELF: Due to the alarming increase of things that you know absolutely nothing about and the potential for the knowledge of it all overloading your central intellect, all future input shall be redirected to your memory's Lapse Center and forgotten. Congratulations, you're an idiot. (Jacob Grant)
____ When you get to be older, "friends with benefits" just means your partner has a solid 401k and a kick ass dental plan. (Kristie Jackson)
____ Am I the only person who assumed the wolf from The Three Little Pigs was the same one from Little Red Riding Hood? (Jason Wright)
____ The following sentence is true: The previous sentence is false. (Phil 'Barley' Ewens-Wheat)
____ is learning to forgive and forget. Forgive myself for being so stupid, and forget you ever existed.. (Emi Beth)
____ wouldn't have to manage my anger if certain people would manage their stupidity ;-} (Bama's Home Repair)
____ ‎"Working out at the gym!" - Every girl on Facebook the day after she changes her status to single. (Michelle Lacy Lauff)
____ Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. (Tiffany Mobley)
____ Copy this and put it in your status if you know someone or have heard of someone who knows someone. If you don't know anyone or even if you've just heard of someone who doesn't know anyone then do still copy this. It's important to spread the message... Oh, and the hearts! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ For *&@!$ sake, don't forget the hearts! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ (Dale Lanham)
____ doesn't want to hear that the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon. (Kimberly Pendleton Petty)
____ Next time I'm on an elevator with four or more strangers, I'm going to turn around and say, "I'm sure you're wondering why I've gathered you all here." (Kristie Jackson)
____ Our relationship might have worked if you were more like me and absolutely nothing like yourself. (Nobo Dy)

Osama Bin Laden:
____ Osama Bin Laden: World Champion of Hide and Seek 2001-2011. Welcome back to the top, Waldo. (Nic Warholic)
____If Osama Bin Laden could hear the sick jokes being told about him, he would be turning in his wave! (Laurie Hicks)
____ Does anyone else have a feeling that Pakistan knows where the Hamburglar is? (Laurie Hicks)

Thanks to everyone who contributes to my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE! I have almost 4000 FANS, so I guess I'll stick around for a bit :)