Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Exactly 50 of my favorite Fan Page status updates from the last week or so, in no particular order:

My FACEBOOK FANS publish clever Facebook status updates ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. Thanks to all who support my blog and what I do! I enjoy the "art" of a good Facebook Status update, and clearly, so do you:

____ feels like a ninja when I wish people happy birthday on Facebook at 12:01am. (Laurie Hicks)
____ is watching Benjamin Button for the hundredth time. Never gets old. (Jason Sellers)
____ Last night at the bar, my liver reached into my wallet and tore up my organ donor card. (Nobo Dy)
____ If you "like" this post no kittens will be harmed. (Donny Norris)
____ refuses to eat strawberries alone because it's a total waste of my sexiness. (Shannon Penicud Murphy)
____ My best relationship advice: Make sure you're the crazy one. (Jason Sellers)
____ wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!" (Crystal Poulos)
____ Everybody says that you should say no to drugs, but I'm thinking that if you're talking to drugs, it's too late. (Jad Bou Karam)
____ would watch NASCAR if the drivers had had as much to drink as the fans. (Karen Vanselow)
____ If you're not supposed to misuse cough syrup, then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass? Night y'all... (Donna Pedersen Watson Hudon)
____ Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I'm crazy? Do they think I'm HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!! (TaLeighea Iaintelin)
____ You know you're a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today. (Kristie Jackson)
____ Why do they call it "when animals attack?" Shouldn't they call it "when stupid people go near dangerous animals"? (Karen Vanselow)
____ really likes those sayings that have 2 opposite words in them.. Exact Estimate - Act Naturally - Small Crowd - Found Missing - Happily Married... (Jad Bou Karam)
____ Based on what I say about other people behind their backs, I really don't want to know what others have to say about me behind mine. (Jason Wright)
____ Thinks I'm gonna entertain my kids with a nice game of duct, duct tape. (Maria Moreno-Hughes)
____ You've been on my mind for a while now & honestly, you're quite heavy. Please get off. (Cassie Tarner)
____ When a woman says “what?” it's not because she didn't hear you, she’s just giving you a chance to change what you said. (Donna West)
____ iDrink. (Jacob Suchocki)
____ Mark Zuckerberg says he only eats the meat of animals he's killed. Maybe not related, but has anyone seen Tom from Myspace lately? (Jason Sellers)
____ You need the last four digits of my social security number for me to make a payment on my cable bill? Why? Is there a rash of unauthorized bill-paying going on that we should know about? (Jason Wright)
____ Did you know you can't hum while holding your nose? I bet you're trying it right now. (TaLeighea Iaintelin)
____ Something tells me I'd be good at hosting interventions. Mostly because of how preachy and judgemental I am. (Shannon Penicud Murphy)
____ woke up with an itchy red spider bite and the lack of associated superpowers is really starting to annoy me. (Jason Sellers)
____ It's 2011, microwaves should have one button that says "Cook $hit". (Nobo Dy)
____ Some people will do anything just to get a 'like' on Facebook. "Like" this if you agree. (MindFreak Covert Operative)
____ Next time you sit at a McDonald's playland and a parent asks you, "Which one is yours?" Say, "I haven’t picked one out yet!" It's worth it. (Ashley Reitzel King)
____ Other than insecurity, alcoholism, infidelity, and sheer stupidity most of you are pretty much perfect. (Nobo Dy)
____ has been up for hours reading this book about anti-gravity...It's impossible to put down. (Jason Karniol)
____ thinks that, if you do retail work, once a year you should be able to come unglued, pull a customer across the counter and not get fired for it. (TaLeighea Iaintelin)
____ Remember Oprah? What in the hell was that about? (Jason Sellers)
____ If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I'll always assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy. (Bama's Home Repair)
____ Roses are RED, violets are BLUE, friend requests are great, but who the hell are YOU?! (Cassie Tarner)
____ Mondays smell like hate. (Nobo Dy)
____ Since laughter is the best medicine, I always make sure to laugh out loud at people when they hurt themselves. (Laura Cholagh)
____ At first I was like, "What the...." Then I went, "Ohhhhhhh. Neat!" Then I was all, like, LOLing. Then I sorta went back to, "What the..?" (Jacob Grant)
____ Tip Of The Day : The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. So never introduce your facebook friends to MY STATUS IS BADDEST*!!! (MindFreak Covert Operative)
*sidenote: the creator of MY STATUS IS BADDEST thinks this is a terrible idea.
____ installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious! (Lauree Rooks)
____ In hindsight, allowing girls into our treehouse would have been a great idea. (Jason Sellers)
____ Don't you hate when someone asks you what time it is but you panic and tell them the wrong time and then you have to hit them with your car? (Gregory Bernardoni Fontana)
____ Where would I be without my mother? Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger. (Karen Vanselow)
____ It's fun to hold the door for people who are far away so they have to run a little. (Jad Bou Karam)
____ just wrecked myself. I wish I'd checked myself beforehand. (Jason Sellers)
____ loves the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars & trucks team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong brothers and sisters! (Bama's Home Repair)
____ Educate a Jackass and you are left with a Smartass. (Swati Choudhary)
____ Life is full of fake people. Before you decide to judge them, make sure you're not one of them. (Andrew Taj Thomas)
____ Write the name of someone you hate on your body every day in permanent marker, so no matter how you die they'll become a suspect. (Jason Sellers)
____ doesn't mean to brag about my financial situation, but I can afford to super size almost any meal I get at McDonald's. (Nobo Dy)
____ If you're purchasing a Dollar Store pregnancy test, I think we both know you can't afford a positive. (Jason Sellers)
____ Saw the show "Storage Wars," where people bid on items in storage containers. Mankind is 2 months away from being completely out of ideas. (Karen Vanselow)

Thanks to everyone who contributes to my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE!