Thursday, June 16, 2011

New Facebook Status updates, 6/15/11:

____ likes making new friends because they haven't heard any of the stories that my old friends are really sick of hearing.
____ If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I'd totally use it to nap often without people noticing.
Facebook Status updates about Facebook:
____ can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :)
____ just finished my first beer and I'm not stopping until my status updates are funny! It's going to be a long night :(
____ likes to write a bunch of nonsense on Facebook walls when I'm drunk & announce the next day that my account was hacked. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Some days I wonder what nuggets of information I can share on Facebook. Then I think about the word "nugget" and I laugh and laugh and forget about Facebook.
____ Sometimes a “defriend” can be so damn therapeutic. (from my Facebook FAN PAGE)
____ Stop updating your Facebook statuses while you drive, people!!!! The typos are annoying.
____ has about thirty minutes until I get off work, and about sixty minutes until my first drunken Facebook status update. Stay tuned...
Tough love:
____ When my kids are bad I take them out back and make them listen to a bunch of boring stories about my job.
Annoying people:
____ Hey, people who must TOUCH my computer screen to show me something... stop that.

Think you can do better?
Step 1: Become A FAN on Facebook.
Step 2: Post a status update on my fan page that you think is awesome.
Step 3: Pat yourself on the back, because you've accomplished something big today!
Step 4: Check my blog daily to see if your Facebook Status update was one of my favorites. Thanks for visiting my blog! You must be very, very wise and have fantastic taste.