Sunday, July 31, 2011

Facebook Fan Page highlights, part 2 of 10:

More FAN PAGE status updates, in no particular order:

____ Went to a bachelor party last night. I was given a rose. I'm extremely confused. (William Hale)
____ If you ever see me in person, don't poke me. In real life I hate it when weirdos do that. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Banana peel, coffee grains, pizza crust, beer bottles, empty tins, paper plates, sales papers. Don't mind me I'm just talking trash. (Donny Norris)
____ If I park 20 spots from the store, in an empty parking lot and you park right next to me, I'm slamming my door into your car 34 times. (William Hale)
____ Never say never. Or too much. Or schumoblagaghadazjy, because that's hard to pronounce and doesn't mean anything. (Jacob Waring)
____ has this recurring dream where I'm locked up in a room with all the people I've ever offended in my entire life and they are all glaring at me and I think, Great! I get to make fun of all you losers at once. (Donny Norris)
____ tests my jokes on my dog, if he wags his tail - they make the cut. (Lisa James)
____ For everyone's information, I do, in fact, have friends. All 10 seasons of it, actually. (Victoria Beryl Zelinski)
____ Just because you flip people off frequently doesn't allow you to list sign language on your profile. (Rod West)
____ So sad. Winehouse jokes are already as dead as she is. (Art Mabry)
____ Why do people sometimes text back "what" when you've sent them a text? Have they suddenly lost the ability to read? (Julie A Ostmann)
____ Airplanes have now banned tweezers? I think anyone who can hijack a plane with tweezers deserves the plane. (Nobo Dy)
____ Three rules to live by.. 1) Believe nothing you hear.. 2) Believe only half of what you see.. 3) Remind yourself it's none of your effing business anyway. (Toni Daniels)
____ likes to show extra confidence at a job interview by giving a firm handshake before and after every question. (William Hale)
____ No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing. (Chad McLaughlin)
____ doesn't text when I drive. Mainly because I'm picking my nose the entire time. (Nobo Dy)
____ would find working out to be much more rewarding if every time I do a push-up my face goes down into a plate of bacon. (William Hale)
____ Hey! I just watched that movie where Denzel Washington plays the same character that he plays in all the other movies. (Nobo Dy)
____ sometimes reading upside down can tell you something....370HSSV 0773H. (Eric West)
____ named my dog Kristen Stewart cause she's a bitch. (Art Mabry)
____ would like to take this opportunity to thank alcohol for making life's awkward moments much more tolerable...(Eric West)
____ Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, you're getting stabbed. (Nobo Dy)
____ Amy Winehouse, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and Brian Jones all died at the age of 27. Justin Bieber turns 27 in 2021. Patience...(Gagan Adiwal)
____ The key to success...broke off in the damn doorknob. (Donny Norris)
____ ‎"Okay! Well who's ready to help me set this entire house on fire?" -Me, if I hosted "Hoarders", five seconds into every episode. (Jason Sellers)
____ C'mon Pac-Man, make her a Mrs. already! (Jason Sellers)
____ We're having creative differences. I'm creative and you're different. (Gagan Adiwal)
____ has got 99 problems, and a bitch is like 46 of them. So, in review, that's 44 non-bitch related problems. (Ron Alderson)
____ is a cool mom, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face. (Kristie Jackson)
____ When someone asks me "Hi, how are you?" my response is " High!! How are you?" They just don’t seem to get it. (Gagan Adiwal)
____ got a package yesterday, and on the front it read "do not bend." I thought to myself, "Well how the hell am I supposed to pick it up?" (William Hale)
____ My girlfriend left me because she said I will never change. But I love this underwear. (Donny Norris)
____ My headstone will read: "If you're reading this, you're standing on my boobs." (Toni Daniels)
____ isn't getting off the couch, so if you're very funny, I'll be ROCL. (Lisa James)
____ when I ordered, the waiter said "If you need anything, I'm Jack"..I haven't met anyone with a conditional identity before. (Adam Apple)
____ Life is a tragedy for those who feel, a comedy for those who think... and a reality show for everybody else. (John Dixon)
____ Do you ever just look at someone and "Why?" is the only thing you can come up with? (Adam Apple)
____ Google, I don't need you to tell me how quickly you found the results. Relax. You got the job. (Chela North)
____ never believed in horoscopes until I found a magazine that accurately predicted what I was going to be doing today. Thank you, TV Guide! (Kristie Jackson)
____ only comes to this MSIB page when I log onto Facebook because my news feed has somehow become a viral cesspool of mutating infections. (Art Mabry)
____ Ran across someone today who didn't want to join Facebook. Besides privacy issues, constant interpersonal drama and the potential for addiction, what the hell's wrong with Facebook? (John Dixon)
____ felt sexy this morning, but she filed sexual harassment charges on me this afternoon. (Donny Norris)
____ Mornings are like someone constantly whispering "screw you" into your ear. (Nobo Dy)
____ Revenge is never as great as you think it will be, and the police always show up too soon. (Melissa Grenawalt)
____ tried to write a drinking song, but I couldn’t make it past the first few bars. (Phil 'Barley' Ewens-Wheat)

More FAN STATUS UPDATES coming soon! Thanks!