Thursday, August 4, 2011

New Facebook Fan Page status update highlights:

This late night/ early morning blog post is brought to you by Red Bull, Bud Light and my FACEBOOK FANSThank you!!!!

____ Note to self: Thanks for always being there. (Nobo Dy)
____ My company is going green, so I made my coffee Irish. (Kristie Jackson)
____ When I pose a hypothetical question, it means that I've done something extremely stupid and got myself into big trouble and am trying to get ideas on how to get out of the situation without admitting that I'm in that situation. (Donny Norris)
____ There's a movie I'm going to be forced to see. I won't say which one, but it looks like a real piece of smurf. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ is it vodka o'clock yet? (Donna Pedersen Watson Hudon)
____ There is no point in talking with you because I can tell you everything I think about you with one finger. (Chad McLaughlin)
____ is one of those people who tried this at home. (Rod West)
____ Me, trying to explain to my kid what a jukebox was: "You know, kinda like an 800-lb. iPod." (Kristie Jackson)
____ just read an article that states that 8.1 million Americans are alcoholics. That's a "staggering" amount of folks. (Donny Norris)
____ My favorite thing about camping is when I stay home & don't. (Karen Vanselow)
____ That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can't figure out which one the music is coming from. (Gagan Adiwal)

____ Just registered for Craigslist... Who wants to see my junk? (Jason Hoffman)
____ "Did I just say that out loud?" No, dumbass, you just thought about it and we heard. (Felix Fentoh Mpasuka)
____ Whoever said you can't "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it. (Khayya Currie)
____ Liquor makes me happy, you....not so much. (Lisa James)
____ Do I know any jokes about Sodium Hypobromite? NaBrO. (Clay Allen Nash)
____ finds it ironic that a synonym for attractive is "ineffable". (Art Mabry)
____ Fact: If you break a $100 bill to buy something you will spend the rest before the day is up. (Donny Norris)
____ Like today's status if you know someone who's only alive because you don't want to go to jail. (Eric West)
____ Seems like most rioting in the world happens in the countries with the least bacon. (Rod West)
____ just came back from a concert and I'm so drunk it's like I just came back from a concert and I'm so drunk. (Adam Apple)
____ is here, wishing for a random alien invasion just for the sake of a worthy-to-be-posted, awesome Facebook Status. ~@.@~ (Farhanah Khalit)
____ Went out dancing last night. But throwing my hands in the air only made it more obvious that I cared. I hate it when music lies to me. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Don't put words in my mouth, that's where I put my feet. (Jennifer Gordon)
____ Did you know if you hit someone really hard with a hammer, they IMMEDIATELY start planking?(William Hale)
____ My damn neighbour is so nosy, he's always asking me what I'm doing in his shed. (Donny Norris))
____ I will not argue with idiots on FB. I will not argue with idiots on FB. I will not argue with idiots on FB. (Chris Batchelor)
____ If someone posts "single and ready to mingle" on a public forum, they are single for a reason. (Lisa James)
____ likes to use words, irregardless of their existence. (Clay Allen Nash)
____ doesn't "need" to be liked. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this, compulsive, need, to be liked. Like my need to be praised. (Beaver Hunter)
____ should have studied to be a counselor or psychiatrist of some sort. It'd be nice to get paid to pretend I give a crap. (Nobo Dy)
____ Every time I notice some loser has deleted me for being totally awesome I can only wish that the small asian from The Hangover pops up on their screen and screams, "Tooood-a-loooo muthaf$^&Kasssssssss" (Tiffany Mobley)
____ If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work. (Lisa James)
____ New York Post reports.... Casey Anthony surfaces in Ohio. I hope it was in the river and it was only because the cement came undone from her feet. (Art Mabry)
____ Boy, my Nigerian girlfriend sure needs a lot of money wired to her. I really love Sxbgfsnj Fuhbdexgb though. (Nobo Dy)
____ When someone asks me "Are you enjoying your meal?" I like to reply "everything tastes like s&^* and I wish I was dead". (Nobo Dy)
____ If I worked at the DMV, I think I would definitely put Heywood Jablomee on my name placard. (Art Mabry)
____ It’s always so embarrassing when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation. (Lindsay Christensen)
____ Don't worry if you've dropped it like it's hot. Aren't babies supposed to be all bendy like shark cartilidge or something? (SamGirl Sunday)
____ So they don't have a cause of death for Amy Winehouse? Pretty sure it wasn't the butler in the library with the wrench. (Jason Wright)
____ ‎99% of women say they don't like men who wear leather pants. Which works out perfectly, since 100% of men who wear leather pants don't like women. (Bald Beaver Hunter)
____ hates people who start talking and just ramble on and on and on. I know this one guy like that, he works at the Pizza Hut on 7th street, I like the Pizza there but I don't eat there often cause they don't serve my brand of beer which is Michelob, I think their commercial with that guy doing the squats to burn calories is funny although I don't worry about calories myself I do the Atkins diet and speaking of Akins, I really like to listen to Chet Akins play the guitar of course he died a few years back so I'm not actually listening to him but a CD of him...... sorry what was I saying? (Donny Norris)
____ My girlfriend is like a trampoline. I don't have one...(Dee J Tempa)
____ Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless. (Josiane Be)
____ The nice thing about being single is when you're setting the silverware, it doesn't matter which side you put the remote on. (Nate Taylor)
____ doesn't have anything important to say and this is the best place to say it. (Rick Higbee)
____ The next person who says, "It's not the heat, its' the humidity" will learn that it's not my fist, but the impact. (Eric West)
____ is feeling special today! (not that helmet wearing, crayon eating, marker sniffing, window licking type of special).Ok, maybe a little. (Lisa James)
____ BEING STOOPID AIN'T SO BAD! (Donny Norris)
____ A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never let her down. He will comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions. He will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive and invincible ...No, wait. Sorry. I'm thinking of wine. It's wine that does all that. Never mind. (April Pierce)
____ discovered a new thing...Whenever I get on an elevator and a woman asks me, "What floor?" I reply "Wherever you're going." Then laugh maniacally. (Nobo Dy)
____ What I lack in grace, I make up for by having an amazing rack! (Toni Daniels)
____ When I get older, I don't want people thinking, "what a sweet old lady..." I want them to worry, "I hope she's not armed..." (Melissa Stauffer)
____ Mario, I wasted my childhood saving your bitch...(Bald Beaver Hunter)
____ If I knew I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself. (Tony Crosby)
____ You're going to fax that to me? Fine. My response will be by carrier pigeon! (Binky Sometimesknownas Donna)

Once again, thanks to everyone who contributes! Think you can do better? Become a FAN ON FACEBOOK and submit your own!