____ If I ever get summoned for jury duty, I plan on appearing in the courtroom in a puff of smoke and yelling, "WHO SUMMONED ME?" (Chris Hallman)
____ That righteous feeling of satisfaction you get when you decide NOT to post a status on facebook about something monumental that just happened in your life. (Summer Basso)
____ Pink is definitely my color. Especially when it's to save boobs! (Jason Sellers)
____ keeps forgetting the “o” part of “Hello.” My boss is NOT happy with the way I’ve been answering his phone. (Farhanah Khalit)
____ is Homy.I bet 99% of you pervs misread that. (Gagan Adiwal)
____ My hangovers feel like someone is screaming at me in German. (Nobo Dy)
____ Tip: People return your phone calls faster if you start voicemails with "by the time you hear this I'll be dead" (SamGirl Sunday)
____ My co-worker accidentally drank from my Starbucks cup and said "your coffee tastes like BEER". Weird, huh? (Mustache Mann)
____ Typing a huge paragraph with your true feelings, but then erasing it and typing “yeah…” (Xaviera Leeloo)
____ Walk in the gas station naked just ONE time ...Geesh! (Donny Norris)
____ The problem with the man of my dreams is that he's never around when I'm awake. (Farhanah Khalit)
____ is fairly certain that given a cape and a tiara I could save the world. (Carrie Danley)
____ Its a bird! Its a plane! Oh wait...it's a flying f*** I will never give. (MrsFabulous Cervantes)
____ My phone autocorrected "killed" to "kilt". Well plaid, phone. Well plaid. (Adam Apple)
____ Relationship Status Update: Just peed with the bathroom door open. (Rae Broman)
____ There are basically only four ways to handle Mondays; get around it, get under it, get through it, or get the hell over it. (Dow Jones)
____ does anyone else watch "Snapped" and take notes? (Carrie Danley)
____ "I’m not like most girls." - Most girls (William Hale)
____ went to a feminist picnic today. It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches. (Tom Guntorius)
____ "Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stayed up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?" (Ron Whetton)
