____ has yet to see anyone vomit on a plane. Wouldn't supplying barf bags at bars make more sense? (SamGirl Sunday)
____ "I just peed my own pants!" - something nobody will post on Facebook. (Lisa James)
____ gave a huge tip to my waitress today. I told her to think about deodorant. (Art Mabry)
____ feels like I need to buy my liver something expensive and beg it to take me back. (Leilani Christi)
____ For the next two days my idea of a balanced diet will be a beer in each hand. (Tiffani Causey Wallarab)
____ SO what? Yes, I met my wife online. Like you've never used eBay... (Adam Apple)
____ 10 times out of 9, you'll find me exaggerating about something. (Kylie Toyne)
____ "Oh, GREAT! What in the hell do YOU want?" Me, when my phone rings. (edited) (Nobo dy)
____ If you're the only one on the dance floor and there IS no dance floor, chances are, you're an alcoholic. (William Hale)
____ has spent most of my life drinking. The rest is of it was just a waste of time. (Hope Less)
____ They're playing Earth, Wind and Fire. I was not prepared to party this hard at Home Depot. (Rod West)
____ My friend wants a fairy tale wedding, so I’m going to poison her. I hope that’s what she meant. (Street Slim)
____ sometimes when I'm drunk I choose the Spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself. (Caitlin Marley)
____ sure hopes that someday the "Ghost Hunters" will realize the tapping sound is not something only ghosts can make. (MindFreak Covert Operative)
____ That awkward moment when someone asks you what’s wrong and they’re the problem. (Donna Pedersen Watson Hudon)
____ An email from my parents: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: Obama’s a Muslim. (Laurie Hicks)
____ woke up this morning with a big smile on my face. And whiskers. And freckles. The kids are grounded from all markers. (Catherine Heyart Tietschert)
____ Show me a Facebook page that is shared/belongs to a couple... and I'll show you a guy that more then likely doesn't even know the password. (Gino Montalvo)
____ Some people deserve to get eggs thrown at them. Brick shaped eggs....Made of brick. (Daivys Burgos)
____ If your profile picture is that of a cat, is it safe to assume that you have a cat? (Mark Er)
