____ ●CHAT (Offline) <--- I have my reasons. (Stephanie Manera)
____ Dear Genitals, Thanks for not bleeding every month. You're the best! Sincerely, Men. (Nobo Dy)
____ Hey, douchebag, seriously...who wears sunglasses at night???? Also, keep your dog and stick away from me. (Adam Apple)
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▀▀───▀──▀─▀──▀───▀▀──▀▀─ <--- does this post make my status look big? (Stephanie Manera)
____ started my own Community Watch Program. I go door to door with a clipboard. What a great way to find out who leaves their doors unlocked and what time they're away from home! (Mustache Mann)
____ helped a homeless man by giving him directions to a soup kitchen. There is no soup kitchen but I'm sure that for the whole 2 mile walk he was filled with hope and hope is what keeps us all going, right? (Donny Norris)
____ Nothing says "I've got my life" together like buying a jumbo bottle of $7 wine in sweatpants on a Wednesday night. (Rae Broman)
____ Thank you Facebook for putting me in a constant state of fear that I will miss something insignificant if I log off. (Donny Norris)
____ It's so great when you over-explain your jokes so I can get it. Cause you know, I'm really stupid. (Art Mabry)
____ My sexual preference is OFTEN. (Josiane Be)
____ People, please take a picture of your gripes and complaints and give them to me. As the old saying goes: "A picture is worth a thousand words." I don't have time to listen to you bitch today. (Dow Jones)
____ A stranger is a friend you just haven't taken candy from yet. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ put the (KID) in parentheses because I don’t want to let him out and ruin this sentence like he did my house. (Adam Apple)
____ Say this fast- {I, 1, 2, 1/2, 6} (Xaviera Leeloo)
____ There's a reason it's called "Girls Gone Wild" and not "Women Gone Wild". When girls go wild, they show their underwear. When women go wild, they kill people. (Farhanah Khalit)
____ is in a group that does Cold War reenactments. It’s pretty easy. All you have to do is sit around and look worried about Russia. (Carl Vannest)
____ My husband was making me dinner last night. He cut himself and bled all over the food, so now I get free meals for life! (SamGirl Sunday)
____ The smaller the dog, the crazier the chick. (Gagan Adiwal)
____ Tonight I'm cooking up a nice tasty savory dish of "Eat it or starve". I hope my family is hungry. It's gonna be a special treat. (Stephanie Manera)
____ went to plentyoffish.com. All humans and no fish? F*** that! (Mark Er)
