____ puts inspirational notes on my boyfriends napkin when I pack his lunch. Stuff like "Love you! Please take out the damn garbage." (Lisa James)
____ If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don't want it. (Jasmine Mohamed)
____ For Sale: Golden Retriever, Had for 9 months has yet to retrieve any gold. Should have just bought metal detector. (Kylie Toyne)
____ Whenever a friend says "you'd do the same for me" it makes me realize how little they know about me. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Sorry, kid... Daddy can’t watch you grow up because he constantly has to come up with funny stuff for this page. (Adam Apple)
____ May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook. (Art Mabry)
____ If you would just give me one more chance I promise to f*** that one up too. (Nobo Dy)
____ likes my purses big enough to fit a 12-pack in. (Rae Broman)
____ farts, because it's the only gas I can afford. (Shonda Fancii Huh White)
____ Those "No alcohol beyond this point" signs might as well say "Chug beer here." (Samantha Furst)
____ Politicians are like sperm: One in a million turns out to be a human being. (Adam Apple)
____ will drink 1% milk. As long as the other 99% is Kahlua. (Jenniffer Diane Sassano)
____ has lots of friends; you just can't see them. (Carrie Danley)
____ Dear Gangsta, While the prime "cap" is indeed a very important part of the cartridge it will actually be the bullet that you pop in my ass. Just thought you should know. (Donny Norris)
____ why don’t I ever get into any "since we're naked anyway" type situations? (Adam Apple)
____ hasn't been able to come up with posts lately, so I drank a beer & here I am waiting. (Hope Less)
____ My goldfish has been planking since last Thursday. (Jenniffer Diane Sassano)
____ People who read the whole newspaper are really annoying. (MindFreak Covert Operative)
____ thinks Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship." (Nobo Dy)
____ Politics: Poli = Many. Tics = Blood Sucking Creatures. Politics. (Kyle Cook)
____ wished that all of life's decisions were as simple as going to Denny's when you're s***faced. (Rae Broman)
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