____ hates long walks on beaches, picnics suck, dinner and a movie costs too much, I expect my woman to make me a sandwich, bring me a beer and not say a word while I'm watching the game.~ Honest guys eHarmony profile (Mustache Mann)
____ basically says "Screw You" to everyone because I'm too lazy to discriminate. (Nobo Dy)
____ Everybody's laughing at me now because I bought this giant hamster ball but the joke will be on them when the zombie apocalypse comes. (Donny Norris)
____ On with the drinking, f*** all the thinking. :) (Lisa James)
____ If I lost a friend everytime I called someone a DoucheBag, I wouldn't have any friends. Related: I don't have any friends. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Some stuff happened with food and pets, and I'm depressed - Most people on Facebook. (Nobo Dy)
____ On Saturday mornings my kitchen counter looks like a beer memorial. (Lisa James)
____ having a bare ass and bare feet is not a way to go through life, but apparently it's a way to go through Walmart. (Adam Apple)
____ If I ever get arrested, my one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there (Carrie Danley)
____ "How the f*** does he still work here?!! This is bullsh*t!" - Coworkers (Nobo Dy)
____ 3 things bother me in women: 1) They ask too many questions 2) They whine a lot 3) etc..etc..etc.. (Adam Apple)
____ You and I were meant to be... as far away from each other as possible. (Mustache Mann)
____ All those jokes about time travel are so next year (Adam Apple)
____ Sometimes when I'm at a business dinner, I pretend like I'm choking so I can chug my wine without being judged. (William Hale)
____ is 100% straight....but man or woman....if you can lick your own belly button....there is absolutely no doubt that I wanna hang out with you. (Rae Broman)
____ Yes, sex does sell. But the people worth having can't be bought. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ She stole my HEART! :( ~A doctor yelling at a lady running away with his cooler. (Mustache Mann)
____ "Ugh, shaved myself cutting this morning." - hairy emo. (OverDose)
____ is not sure I can get through this day without throat punching someone. (Lisa James)
____ wants to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put push-pins in all the locations that I've traveled to. But first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ doesn't need a football game to get drunk and scream at my TV. (Jen Miller)
____ thinks that farts are the screams of trapped poo. (Bob Lucas)
____ The longer I'm left unattended in the doctors office, the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar. I'm just sayin. (John Jordan)
____ I prefer the button fly. That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth. (Chris Hallman)
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