____ wonders what crows eat when they are humiliated. Us, probably. (Art Mabry)
____ had a most interesting conversation this weekend with Jet Li and Conan O'Brian during a private flight back from Morocco about how pathetic it is when average people get on Facebook and pretend that their lives are far more exciting than they actually are. (Donny Norris)
____ All of my multiple personalities are so narcissistic that I don't even know what he is talking about any more, he just sounds like a weirdo, but that's enough about me. What was I saying about me again? (Nobo Dy)
____ "I pee dead people." - cannibal on a liquid diet. (Toni Daniels)
____ hates when i get unfriended and can't for the life of me figure out who that bitch is. (Nawlaknee Kuuipo Kahalehili)
____ Dear FaceBook: If you want us to add more people, instead of mutual friends, why not just tell us who our mutual enemies are? (SamGirl Sunday)
____ has always wanted to be a professional juggler, just never had the balls to do it. (Gerti Kola)
____ believes that love is a decision. This morning I decided not to smother my husband with his pillow. Our love will live another day. (Amy Dickens Kizer)
____ I check Facebook to the extent that...hang on a sec. (Adam Apple)
____ It's funny, my girlfriend tells me she can't reach the remote, but if my wallet was on top of Mount Rushmore she would be shopping already. (Nobo Dy)
____ Is the word "Opossum" Greek for "speed bump"? (Mustache Mann)
____ My ex-girlfriend had this really weird fetish... she used to like to dress up as herself and act like a bitch all the time. (Allan Perry)
____ sent my ex-wife a text that read: "I hate your filthy guts, you are the Devil's spawn!" Then I quickly sent her another that read: "STUPID iPhone...I texted HI " (Mustache Mann)
____ You lost me at ‘you had me at’ (Adam Apple)
____ Never trust a group of guys that invite you to a manwich party. It has nothing to do with food :'( (Nobo Dy)
____ If you get sexted by someone you don't like, does that mean you got molexted? (OverDose)
____ never brings anything to the table. I figure...it has more legs than I do and it can damn well get it itself. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ "Long story short" is usually when I start listening. (William Hale)
____ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? Your dad if he doesn't have my money by tomorrow. (Jenni More)
____ Whoa. The house telephone thingy just rang. Couldn't remember what to do so I stopped, dropped and rolled. (Chris Hallman)
____ "This is really mature guys, ...really mature" - Fruit picker. (Nobo Dy)
____ "M,ILF" - some weird guy. (Toni Daniels)
