Saturday, October 1, 2011


____ If you have to question whether or not your behavior is acceptable - it's probably not....and we should definitely hang out. (Rae Broman)
____ The "walk of shame" might not be so depressing if you moonwalked out...(Mustache Mann)
____ If you go to the supermarket and don't make a genital display with baby tomatoes and celery sticks, then you're a better person than me. (Nobo Dy)
____ Grocery shopping with 2 children is like grocery shopping with 5 drunks. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Bored? Go to a parking lot and leave notes on random cars saying, "I'm pregnant and it's yours, a**hole!" Then watch dudes flip out. (William Hale)
____ If the police were smart they would start tracking bar check-ins on Facebook. (Lisa James)
____ People are like trees: They both fall down when you hit them with an axe (Missy Biggie)
____ Been there, done that. Allegedly. (Nobo Dy)
____ Is it rude to give a copy of Photoshop at a baby shower? It’s just, I know what both parents look like, and they’re gonna need it. (Kylie Toyne)
____ rocked down to Electric Avenue. And then I took it higher. I continue to await further instructions. (William Hale)
____ Decided to write a book called "girls don't fart and other myths I wish I still believed in” (Adam Apple)
____ Girls who are on the same menstrual cycle as their friends should basically be referred to as gang members. That's how dangerous they are. (Carrie Danley)
____ Whatever doesn't kill me makes me all like, "Whoa! That was close!" (Chris Hallman)
____ The way I feel when a waiter finally brings my food is probably similar to the excitement of a dude on Maury who just got told he's not the father. (William Hale)
____ Global Warming!! Who cares if my grand kids won't see a Polar bear? I didn't see dinosaurs either. (Tom Guntorius)
____ Attractive female traffic cops should make it clear they are not strippers sent by your buddies BEFORE they tase me. (William Hale)
____ YOU my friend, are living proof that Voodoo dolls don't work. Damn it! (Mustache Mann)
____ Sometimes, I like to stand at the doors of tanning salons and distribute flyers that say that sun is free. (Adam Apple)
____ According to all this unread mail on my table, some dude named Eviction is coming to visit me in 2 more days. Cool!! (Nobo Dy)
____ is in need of some serious retail therapy, and by retail I mean the liquor store. (Nobo Dy)
____ One way to make your hairdresser uncomfortable is to lean in and whisper "thanks for the orgasm" after they shampoo your hair (Leilani Christi)
____ is no binge drinker. Binge drinking is defined as having 5 or more drinks at 1 sitting. I usually have to get up to pee in between my 4th and 5th. (Rae Broman)
____ What is the best way to fool people on Facebook? . . ... See more (Andrew McClure)
____ Long, busy Friday, I need one of those random elevator encounters that turns into a one night stand. (Rae Broman)
____ All voicemails from my Grandmother start with "HELLO! HELLO!" and end with her trying to dial another number. (Jen Miller)
____ So can you tell me a little more about the benefits? - me talking to possible new friends. (Lisa James)
____ The extra studying paid off. All my tests came back POSITIVE at the clinic. WooHoo! (Mustache Mann)
____ People that buy regular Oreo cookies when they could buy the Double Stuffed Oreo's are afraid to experience true pleasure...and are bad in bed. (Stephanie Manera)
____ Sometimes instead of money I’ll give hobos paper bags with a bottle inside. They’ll be so happy! But then when they open it, it will really be a bottle of Pepsi with a note saying “PEP-SI is better than HEP-C”. They usually act pretty mad, but deep down I think they appreciate the sentiment. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ still wants to walk away in slo-mo from a cool-looking explosion one day, but running away from a clogged toilet will have to do for now. (Nobo Dy)
____ All the ‘likes’ collected from this post will be donated back to you at a later time (Adam Apple)
____ 1 tequila, 2 tequilas, 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teuiqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklas, 9 trwqiukas 10 trewqiƃ (Jason Diederich)
____ The cops will just throw you in the back of their car like they didn't even hear you call shotgun. (Chris Hallman)
____ "When all is said and done" It will be really quiet. (Mustache Mann)
____ Chicks who aren't scared of mice will beat the sh*t out you in a fight (Tom Guntorius)
____ "Research" is the answer you give when asked, "What were you doing all day?" (Nobo Dy)
____Telling the cop that you thought the voice in your GPS counted as a designated driver doesn't help your case. (Chris Hallman)
____ Couldn't afford a butterfly knife, so I got a caterpillar one. Now, I wait. (Gary Hensley)
____ There are coma patients having more frequent sex than me. (Tom Guntorius)
____ owes my life to unprotected sex! (Julie A Ostmann)