If you are a FAN of my blog on Facebook, you know Nobo Dy. He's been a fan from almost the very beginning of my blog two years ago, and has been instrumental in making the fan page the funny and twisted place it is! This is just a tiny sampling of a few of his originals. He's written thousands. Nobo Dy, you make me want to be a better "Facebook Status update writer" with your quick wit and sarcasm, and you have made lots of people laugh. LOTS. For that, I salute you!
Sidenote: The following status updates were written by Nobo Dy (not his real name) over the last few years. If you saw them somewhere else, it's because they "borrowed" them from this blog or my Fan Page:
____ I don't like Haikus.
Seriously, I hate them.
I never Haiku.
____ I switched the neighbor's dog chew toy with the voodoo doll I made of my ex. Now I wait...
____ Our neighbor said he wouldn't mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
____ can't wait for your inner child to grow up and move out.
____ It appears my back was made for stabbing
____ Women stop trying to fix men when they realize it's more fun to break them.
____ Today's decisions are tomorrow's apologies.
____ Saying "nice meeting you" really means, "I won't remember your name in 60 seconds"
____ Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
____ Anyone else notice how much more drunk you feel after you have successfully drove home? No? OK, I haven't either.
____ Fellas, if she doesn't kiss you by the 4th date she is in it for the free food.
____ Maybe wishes would come true if instead of throwing a penny in a fountain you threw something in that wasn't completely useless.
____ No one gets treated worse than a fast food worker who gets your order wrong.
____ If you don't go out to bars or clubs wearing a wet suit and a shower cap then you don't party as hard as me.
____ Impatience comes to those who wait.
____ Every time Snooki gets punched in the face, The Smashing Pumpkins get a royalty check.
____ If self control is not eating a piece of bacon while cooking bacon, then I don't have any.
____ I'm the mastermind of useless nothing.
____ I half intend almost half of what I think I mean to say.
____ Some of your peoples' mock accounts scare me.
____ FACT: People that say "Winning isn't everything" have never won anything.
____ Enough about Steve Jobs! What about me dammit!!! - Everyone here.
____ hates when people tell me what to think, and so do you!!
____ just buried the hatchet. It's the murder weapon, why keep it around?
____ There never seems to be a reason to "skedaddle" any more.
____ Still waiting out for the "How it's Made", orgasm episode.
____ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I could've been a doctor by now.
____ Somewhere in the world, there's a guy named Joe Shmoe who nobody wants to hire.
____ Hot Pockets are like brain teasers for your digestive system.
____ just hope to one day find a woman who loves me as much as moms and old people do.
____ Facebook should change it from "Friends" to "People I've made eye contact with".
____ Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
____ takes great pride in being totally inappropriate for my age.
____ Note to self: thanks for always being there.
____ Since I'm not allowed to have my iPhone on in church I use the collection plate to pass notes. Just kidding, I'm not allowed in church.
____ whenever I get on an elevator and a woman asks me "What floor?" I reply "Wherever you're going." Then laugh maniacally.
____ When someone asks me "Are you enjoying your meal" I like to reply "everything tastes like shit and I wish I was dead".
____ My favorite Celebrity couple is Bacon and Cheese.
____ A Taco Bell application has never been filled out without excessive crying.
____ When the going gets tough, the tough continue that nightcap.
____ "My phone's about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call.
____ What a day, I'm so tired already! I sent three faxes, answered the phone once, had lunch, made a paper airplane and sent 452 updates.
____ Never do today what you can trick someone into doing tomorrow.
____ When I hear you say: "We need to work together." What I hear is you saying" "I'm not smart enough to complete this task."
____ I like my ice like I like my dreams. Crushed.
____ If you're drunk enough, everything can be a piñata.
____ The height of my productivity is at a time when my boss is behind me and can see what's on my monitor.
____ This may be the best beer ever!! but I'll drink the other 11 just to make sure.
____ When I get really bored I like to go to target and turn all the shirts inside out.
____ I like my house like I like myself. Dark and empty.
Thanks, Nobo Dy...I'm your biggest fan :)