It's the Holiday Season, and the holiday status updates are pouring in on my FACEBOOK FAN PAGE. I will continue to add them as I see them, so check back often. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some spiked egg nog to sample...
____ Only 13 more days and I get a new pair of underwear! (Donny Norris)
____ Christmas was best when I used to believe in Santa Claus... I wanna be 19 again. (Adam Apple)
____ Some carolers were singing outside of my house last night. They sang so well, I gave them an extra 10 seconds to get the hell off my property. (Nobo Dy)
____ My homemade Christmas wreath just got stolen! There goes my whole winter stash :( (Mustache Mann)
____ My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's pissed that I beat him to it. I put mine up 15 years ago. (Chris Hallman)
____ Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go Jesus. It's yer birfday. We gonna party like it's yer birfday. We gonna sip some egg nog like it's yer birfday. And you know we gonna give some gifts cuz dats yer birfday. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ ♪♪ It's the most wonderful tiiiime of the year (to develop a drinking problem) ♪♪ (William Hale)
____ Deck the halls with booze and be jolly, fah la la la la, blah blah blah blah! - Drunk Christmas carols. (Lisa James)
____ Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is her ♥....... Lol, j/k I need a new phone. (Tom Guntorius)
____ "Welcome To The Jingle" ~ Bells (Toni Daniels)
____ Going to get a real tree some time this week...hope it doesn't end up like Amy Winehouse. Dead, 5 ft 6, and surrounded by needles before Christmas.. (Jane Withsweet Tatts)
____ 29 MORE JUGS OF RUM TILL CHRISTMAS!!!!! (Nobo Dy)
____ "Oh! Oh! Oh!" ~Dyslexic Santa (Egg Head)
____ No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword. (See More)
____I'm so poor that I'm just going to decorate my Christmas tree car air freshner. (Lisa James)
____Ha, I remember that Christmas when the hounds broken in the house and ate our turkey and we had to go out for Chinese and then Chevy Chase got stuck in our attic and three ghosts came by and Tiny Tim said God Bless us each and every one and that fat angel got his wings and Santa won his court case and Rudolph's nose was so bright, and Charlie Brown was down in the mouth about the commercialism of Christmas and my life sucks and all... (Donny Norris)
____ Let us not forget the real meaning of Christmas... The birth of Santa Claus. (Adam Apple)
____I am such a thoughtful girl! I bought my ex a chair for Christmas. But the power company won't let me hook it up. :( (Julie A Ostmann)
____ Dear Santa, I was framed! (Shannon Seymour)
____ If Santa does not bring me something good I'm going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight. (Thomas Christopher)
____ Pro-tip: Turn your dishwasher into a snowplow this Christmas by giving her a shovel. (Dave NoMoneyhoney Blum)
____ Christmas shopping list: -----> refer to f*ckit list (Lisa James)
____ All I want for Christmas is a go-go gadget bitchslapping arm. Is that too much to ask? (Lisa James)
____ This is my Christmas letter. The kids are getting big and sh*t, some old people died this year and sh*t, you should be receiving the lame holiday post card with the gaudy holly borders of me and the fam on the beach this summer. We are having weather and sh*t and we love you and miss you and sh*t. Me. This is how they might as well all read. (Donny Norris)
____ "Ho, Ho, Ho!" - Santa Claus/Pimp doing a head count. (William Hale)
____ My favorite part of Christmas is family dinner and all the drunken confessions. (Donny Norris)
____ Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that. (Helen Long)
____ Everytime this status goes unliked a reindeer dies. (Rob Parsley)
____ My kids still think that mistletoe comes in sandwich bags. (Mustache Mann)
____ I found out today that, even though it's the Christmas Season, donning my gay apparel should never ever happen again. (Bob Brittain)
____ Santa is Satan misspelled...I'm on to you, Fatman. (StevieLyn Green)
____ Ok, I need you guys to vouch for me. I accidentally spelled Satan instead of Santa in Christmas lights and my neighbors are convinced that my star of Bethlehem is a pentagram...Oh dear! (Donny Norris)
____ Just bought forty copies of Justin Bieber's latest CD as Christmas presents for all those who really pissed me off throughout 2011. (Danny Coleiro)
____ Yeah, I can see where decorating your office for Christmas takes priority over you actually doing the job you're getting paid for. While you're at it you might as well decorate the bathroom too, someone might actually give a sh*t in there. (Toni Daniels)
____ Don't know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. (Jane Withsweet Tatts)
____ I hope my mum gives me money for Christmas this year, instead of another musical jewelry box that plays "Someday My Prince Will Come." (Mya Sisnice)
____ I would like to beat the Christmas Spirit into some folks. (Donny Norris)
____ All I want for Christmas is to see a few people on the next episode of Unsolved Mysteries. ;) (Patricia Parra)
____ Dear Everyone I Know, The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come just left and it looks like you're getting jack sh*t from me again this year. Merry Christmas! (Bob Brittain)
____ I love when my horoscope says something like "enjoy a company party or a night out with peers for some festive cheer"...no sh*t, that was hard to predict right before Christmas. (Toni Daniels)
____ Wanted: Santa Claus for my kid’s Christmas party. College coaches need not apply. (William Hale)
____ Just bought an artificial Christmas tree and the clerk asks me, will you be putting this up yourself? NO YOU SICK BASTARD!! I'm putting it up in my living room! (John Jordan)
____ We don't have mistletoe at Christmas so we just kiss under the influence. (Tom Guntorius)
____ You have 5 minutes to repost this to 8 of your closest friends and loved ones or you will have 7 years of bad luck, a broken mirror, a black cat crossing your path, leftover spaghetti in your hair, 4 chicken wings, 2 ugly Christmas sweaters, and a partridge in a pair of trees. (Juliet Abram)
____ I'm making everyone's Christmas gifts this year, so if you were thinking about friending me you may want to wait until the New Year. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Ok, I've got Christmas covered. Tons of boxes wrapped and under the tree...nothing is in them. Now I'm going to stage a break-in on Christmas Eve, break a window, hide the boxes and lie to the kids one Christmas morning about all the cool stuff that got stolen. (Donny Norris)
Awesome Christmas Moments remixed from ScreenWerks on Vimeo.
Happy Holidays!
