Monday, December 5, 2011


____ I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
____ Stressed? Try this: Picture a beautiful park, freshly covered in white snow. Birds are chirping happily. Then drink a bunch of beer and pass out. (from my FAN PAGE)
Growing up sucks:
____ is going to make a series of videos for college graduates joining the workforce called "That Stuff You Thought About Growing Up Being Awesome? We Lied To You. Now Get to Work. FOREVER. Bah haa haahaha!!!"
____ When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
____ Sigh. I guess I'll build a couch fort. AGAIN.
Google +:
____ Google+ is quickly becoming the "gym membership" of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it. (from my FAN PAGE)
____ Just logged into Myspace and it was just a couple of tumbleweeds dancing around a deserted country road.
____ Does anyone know if Myspace uses dial-up servers? I bet they do.
Wishful thinking:
____ Every time I fly, I pray that a generous person with lots of unopened neck pillows sits next to me and decides to give me one. So far, no luck. :(
Facebook suggestion:
____ If Facebook really wanted to entertain us, they'd make it a requirement for people to share their "mental status" in addition to each new status update.
Happy Holidays:
____ If you have visions of Sugarplums, get the hell away from me.
____ No one ever compliments my armpits, wtf?
____ English language FAIL: Monosyllabic. Think about it.

If you enjoyed these, you should consider BECOMING A FAN as my page is chock full of witty people and they like to share their status updates with others! If you think your status updates are funny and you'd like to see what thousands of people think, click HERE and share. If tweets are more your thing, check out FUNNY ON FACEBOOK to see tweets I thought were particularly funny. Thanks for stopping by!