Tuesday, January 24, 2012


I love my readers. I really do. There's no joke here. I haven't posted fan status updates in a long time and now I'm about 50,000 status updates behind. Whether you contribute status updates to my FAN PAGE or you simply enjoy reading them (and stealing a few, because this stuff is hilarious), I thank you.

____ Paula Deen has no one to blame butter self. (William Hale)
____ a drunk man walks into a bar.... Ok enough about me (Adam Apple)
____ "WE WANT CHANGE!...WE WANT CHANGE!...I DRIVE A VOLKSWAGON!" - a protester with ADD (Bob Brittain)
____ Why do they have a beauty section at Walmart? (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Does anybody know the name of that middle eastern country on the Arabic peninsula? Yemen either. (Donny Norris)
____ If I was Leonardo DiCaprio's friend and he did somethin' stupid.. I'd call him "Leotard" then we'd laugh and make out a lil' bit. (Toni Daniels)
____ If I was Superman that would be funny, cuz I'm kinda fat. (Bob Brittain)
____ Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."? (Carrie Leigh)
____ so Jon Bon Jovi is doing advil commercials now? He must be livin on a prayer that he won't go bankrupt. (Lisa James)
____ I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree. (Nobo Dy)
____ Look a$$holes, for the most part I just stay in the corner and mind my own damn business, no need to freak out and stuff.~ Spiders (Donny Norris)
____ Why don't we take this relationship to the next level and you loan me some money. (Egg Head)
____ Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the cheques I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ "THIS IS BULLSH*T!!!" - Me, in a cow pasture (Bob Brittain)
____ In a perfect world, R. Kelly would get stung by a jellyfish and then pissed on by all his underage fans. (Nobo Dy)
____ The Dr. didn't seem to find it as humorous as I did, that I drew penises on the ends of all his tongue depressors... (Mustache Mann)
____ "I solemnly swear that I will never drink this much again as long as I live." - Me, in 1997. And '98, '99, pretty much all of the noughties, last year. And tomorrow. (Danny Coleiro)
____ Sometimes I worry that my online life may be pushing the people in my real life away. My friend just told me she broke her leg & I said LOL instead of laughing for real. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ If my life had a soundtrack it would just be a mixture of me snoring and white noise from the TV...(Donny Norris)
____ The toughest decision you should make today is bottle, draft, or can. (Nobo Dy)

____ I've been calling my girlfriend "babe" for five years because I'm too embarrassed to tell her that I forgot her name. (Shafique Khatri)
____ I see that you and I have a lot in common...and THIS is why I can never trust you. (Mustache Mann)
____ If I post a status and it doesn't get at least 5 likes, I take it down and beat the living shit out of it for being such a disappointment. (Bob TheMuppet Brittain)
____ It's not about how many people like your post. It's about how many look at it, say "meh!" and move on to the next. (GoldRobo Dancer Guy)
____ Creeping the girl out sitting next to me at the Black Jack table. I keep looking at my cards, and then at her and say, "I'd like to hit that". (Arthur Mabry)
____ life is like a box of cardboard ~ homeless guy (Adam Apple)
____ The hardest thing about working in a restaurant is that your throat is always dry from spitting in everyone's food. (Nobo Dy)
____ Hey Motels, you can take the "Color TV" signs down now. We know. (Bald Beaver Hunter)
____ It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme.
(Shannon Root)
____ Don't you hate when you have something awesome to post, then you do something like change the channel on the TV and you end up forgetting what it was you wanted to post and you get pissed cuz it was really really awesome then you drink yourself into a coma and pass out? Me too. (Bob Brittain)
____ I love waking up hungover and reading my statuses for the first time..... (Mustache Mann)
____ If you are sloppy drunk and are going to ride with me you will hang your head out and I will roll the window up to your neck. These are my terms or you can walk. No one throws up in my car.. (Donny Norris)
____ truth be told, I don't always tell the truth. (Lisa James)
____ There are four other patients in my brothers room and the nurse left a dry-erase marker that they write on their charts with. Hmmmm. This should be fun. (Tim Gauthier)
____ Why has no one used the song Lady in Red in a tampon commercial yet? (Donny Norris)
____ "I love the north pole and hate the south pole!,...No wait... I love the south pole and hate the north pole!" ~ A bi-polar bear. (Shafique Khatri)
____ Everyone has at least one picture of their kid in the bath tub with a soap mohawk.. (Donny Norris)
____ Whenever you're feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too! (Mustache Mann)
____ I'm gonna get a dog today!...and by "a dog" I mean "smashed" (Bob TheMuppet Brittain)
____ Redneck body language tutorial for yankees:
If he rolls his sleeves up, he is mad.
If he takes his shirt off, he is posturing.
If he ask some one to hold his cap, it's about to get real.
If he puts his beer down, RUN!!!!!! (Donny Norris)
____ If you give me a cookie and it has raisins in it, I will beat you to unconsciousness, revive you, then beat you some more. (Bob Brittain)
____ The only difference between me & this woman in the elevator is that I don't smell like Chanel or freak out when strangers sniff me. That's it. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ I'm out of prison because that's how I parole. (GoldRobo Dancer Guy)
____ OH YEAH?! Well....I FAKED the "like" I gave you on your status!! So THERE!! (Mustache Mann)
____ vending machines have the worst return policies (Adam Apple)
____ I don't understand why Beyonce and Jay-Z didn't name their baby 'BeJay'. (Quirky Sally)
____ If Kim Kardashian and Snooki were both drowning and I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ This status was a lot funnier in my head. (Dorraj Koob)
____ Had a very confident breakdown today. Wasn't nervous at all. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ When it comes to naming kids.. Jay-Z and Beyonce really Blue it. (Toni Daniels)
____ I'm drunk now. So there goes my posting ability. (Nobo Dy)
____ I dare you to spit on this status. (GoldRobo Dancer Guy)
____ Today is my day off so I'll spend it worrying that I'm wasting my day off before I have to go back to work. (Toni Daniels)
____ Funny how when you honk at me for stopping to let one car go, I suddenly get the urge to let 5 or 6 go. (Shannon Root)
____ I was accused of being green with envy but it's not true. It's from the gonorrhea. (Nobo Dy)
____ This guy showed me a picture and told me this is me when I was younger.. Man every picture is of you when you were younger.. it's a picture (Adam Apple)
____ Once upon a time n a land far, far away in a time long ago . . . things sucked about the same. (Julie A Ostmann)
____ I treat my men like I treat my cars. I get drunk and drive them away. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)f
____ I'm no one's bitch! Not even my own. I'll just buy my sandwich tomorrow.... (Lisa James)
____ Bitches be trippin'.......cuz i tied their shoelaces together. (Bob MuppetMan Brittain)
____ I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. They can't read this right? (SamGirl Sunday)
____ No YOU grow up. Lame-o sissy pants! (Lisa James)
____ I have sexdaily! I mean dyslexia! (Egg Head)
____ My wife is carrying our first child. He’s 10, the little lazy f*cker. (Adam Apple)
____ Why buy lottery tickets, Mister? Between the mullet and the Trans Am, you look pretty lucky already. (Toni Daniels)
____ listening to LMFAO and haven't laughed once... False advertising (Juliet Abram)
____ Oh yes, I am going to judge you. I've opened up your Facebook. I've seen enough...you are a weirdo. (Stephanie Manera)
____ I could go for a melted tub of hot naked men smashed up against my face right now. Oh.. you only have beer? That’s fine I guess. (Toni Daniels)
____ I just stepped on a crack while petting a black cat that I just sprinkled salt on while standing under a ladder and admiring myself in a broken mirror on Friday the 13..... That's how gangsta I am. (Donny Norris)
____ Yup......this 12 pack of bud tastes the same in Florida as it did in Michigan. I just wanted to make sure. (Mustache Mann)
____ Oh. My. God. Becky. Look. At. Her. But. It is like, SO conjunktive. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Reason I have no kids #13: "Daddy! There's a monster under my bed!" "That's silly there's no such thing as mo... OH GOD IT'S TEARING MY ARM OFF! Kidding. He only eats kids. goodnight." (Dave NoMoneyhoney Blum)
____ Dear FB,
We have a "like" button and a "share" button, but what we really want is... a "belly" button! I hope that made sense because, I'm new at this copy and paste thingy. (Mustache Mann)
____ I do this thing where I let my wife think she is in charge because one day on my death bed.... BAM! I'm gonna inform her otherwise, it will be EPIC... (Donny Norris)
____ Fun thing to do tonight #4,000,000,000: Like then unlike an annoying poster's status- who we all know- so they get notified constantly for nothing. :) (Juliet Rockspin)
____ If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest dammit! KNEES TO CHEST! (Carrie Leigh)
____ I was playing with my new toaster in the bathtub today when I read the label and it said not to. I was shocked (Hollywood Allan)
____ I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. (Shannon Root)
____ This mornin' the clerk from Dunkin' said that he felt like a zombie. So, I stabbed him in the eye with a pen.. better safe than sorry. (Toni Daniels)
____ My grandparents were a knife throwing team once.......once. (Bob Brittain)
____ I hate it when someone has to have the last word and our conversation turns into a talk to the death cause I'm crazy too. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Congrats to Jay-Z and Beyonce on the birth of their baby girl, she won't have to work a day in her life, they probably should name her Lay-Z (Bald Beaver Hunter)
_____ The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ You say "Potato", I say "It's VODKA. Get it right, bitch!" (Rae Broman)
____ If you don't say "lets get cracking" when you're about to smoke crack then your probably not a very funny crackhead. (Lisa James)
____ don't leave me high and dry. Just high would be fine. (Lisa James)
____ During the day I'm just your average middle class, middle aged guy but by night I'm much the same just drunk and despondent too. (Donny Norris)
____ The only thing worse than people who talk to themselves are people who talk to me. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ I went to the premature ejaculation help group today,but there was no one there. I guess I came too early. (Bald Beaver Hunter)
____ If you say you're cooler than me... Doesn't that make me hotter than you? (Chris Peacock)
____ I woke up this morning to find my big toe was missing. Just a note saying "gone to market". (Hollywood Allan)
____ Good thing they have the word "day" in there, because birth cake? No THANK you. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Turns out bacon is the perfect food to slip under the door to feed your hostages. (Juliet Abram)
____ So I'm back in the HR office today. Apparently a job with benefits is NOTHING like a friend with benefits. (Jack Olivar)
____ "I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass" -- Welcome back to 1995! (Bob TheMuppet Brittain)
____ I have sexdaily! I mean dyslexia! (Egg Head)
____ My wife is carrying our first child. He’s 10, the little lazy f*cker. (Adam Apple)
____ Why buy lottery tickets, Mister? Between the mullet and the Trans Am, you look pretty lucky already. (Toni Daniels)
____ listening to LMFAO and haven't laughed once... False advertising (Juliet Abram)
____ Oh yes, I am going to judge you. I've opened up your Facebook. I've seen enough...you are a weirdo. (Stephanie Manera)
____ My brothers nurse is hot and while using his bathroom I noticed a sign by the toilet, "pull for assistance". Now I'm naked and waiting. (Tim Gauthier)
____ I can't look my garbage man in the eyes... he knows too much. (Donny Norris)
____ I just found out what it sounds like when doves cry. And btw....they are quite tasty too. (Bob Brittain)
____ Sometimes I find myself contemplating the meaning of life.. especially after a Jersey Shore marathon. (Toni Daniels)
____ How was everybody's weekend? I hope it sucked cuz I hate seeing people happy and having a better time than me. (Bob Brittain)
____ I have a pretty impressive list of qualifications. I have diplomas in mathematics, chemistry, physics and biology, most known languages, history and geography, medicine, law, commerce, art and theology. And forgery. (Danny Coleiro)
____ No more poking, I have a headache. (Lisa James)
____ Justin Bieber is coming out with an 'Unplugged album'? I hope it's the microphone that they unplug. (Shafique Khatri)
____ works on Sundays!!! Woohooo!!! Haha just kidding...I wanna die :-( (Andrew Lyngwa)
____ If you tickle me, I am not responsible for your injuries. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ I figured that all your statuses would be funnier if I imagined you were all in your underwear. It just got uncomfortable and I ended up getting more angry. (Dorraj Koob)
____ I've got a whole bunch of unused statuses, all in good condition. I'm selling them - if anyone is interested, msg me. (Lisa James)
____ Before Facebook, I had to write my sh*t in restroom stalls. Still do nevermind. (Nobo Dy)
____ Ever since I was a little kid, I've wanted to be an astronaut and walk on the moon. And now, finally, after years of hard work, I've discovered alcohol abuse and hallucinogenic drugs, and I'm an astronaut. (Danny Coleiro)
____ "This is the best acid ever. I should totally write some children's books now." ~Dr. Seuss (Jennifer Holmes Medel)

____ I hold my TV remote sideways, that's how gangsta I am. (Donny Norris)
____ The next person who posts about shufflin' I'm gonna "shuffle" on over to and stab them in the face. (Bob Brittain)
____ just invented the "Breast bump", it's like a fist bump but with breasts. (Juliet Abram)
____ If you tell me to "chillax," I will "chillstab" you and "chillaugh" while you bleed to "chilldeath..." (Lee Mays)
____ I always wondered why The Muppet's had such large protruding eyes. I then realized i would too if I had a hand up my ass. (Bald Beaver Hunter)
____ It's a keyboard, it's a guitar, it's both!! I love the 80s! (Juliet Abram)
____ I FEAR FOR MY LIFE. I couldn't care less about any of my other board games but I FEAR FOR MY LIFE. (Donny Norris)
____ I hate it when I wake up naked in the middle of the woods. (Carrie Leigh)
____ I think it would be funny if the company that decided to compete with 4square was called 7yearsago (Arthur Mabry)
____ Seriously getting sick of Facebook. Because, you know....Ham. (Dorraj Koob)
____ Truth be told, I seriously doubt your guess is as good as mine. (Shannon Root)
____ Thanks to my primordial scream, I am pretty sure that spider is deaf. (Carrie Leigh)
____ I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart, which isn't saying much since I don't seem to have one. (Arthur Mabry)
____ Some woman kicked my nuts today which really pissed me off cuz I love pistachios. (Bob Brittain)
____ I just want to meet a nice sandwich and settle down. (Toni Daniels)
____ I just pee'd outside and no I feel that I can identify with the pioneers of this great nation. (Donny Norris)
____ If you are constantly apologizing for being yourself, you should probably apologize for not being yourself. (Nobo Dy)
____ If any of you guys need a shoulder to cry on, I know this really good one down on interstate 80. There's even a discarded couch for you to sit on. (Jack Olivar)
____ Dear guy who poked me on Facebook today......really? (Bob TheMuppet Brittain)
____ My boss asked if I have special plans for the weekend. He looked confused.. but Naked Nacho Friday night is as special as it gets. (Toni Daniels)
____ Me: What's for Supper
Wife: It's one of those everybody fend for themselves nights.
Me: I don't think so woman. Now get in that kitchen.
Wife: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Me: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha, Spaghetti O's it is. (Donny Norris)
____ Apparently,There are more men than women in mental hospitals,.. which goes to show who drives who crazy. (Hollywood Allan)
____ Did you know, if it's a full moon and you light a candle and say the name of someone you love 3 times, you’ll look stupid doing that? (Bald Beaver Hunter)
____ The people in this liquor store act like I'm the first person to be here in a bathrobe crying. Keep your judgement and sell me the vodka. (Jenni More)
____ Disregard this status...I am standing awkwardly in a circle pretending to text to avoid this douchebag in front of me. Just play along. (Melinda Morethantheusual Huffman)
____ In an office full of educated, degree holding, accountants, engineers, marketing and sales personnel, there should never be an unflushed turd.... Just saying. (Donny Norris)
____ Apparently I should wait until I get home to take my Ambien. At least that was what one of the joggers I ran over was saying as he was being loaded into the ambulance. Then again people with head injuries tend to babble. (Sean Shipley)
____ If you don't pronounce again as A-GAIN, you should. (Donny Norris)
____ What would I do for a Klondike bar? Probably just give you the $1.45. I'm confused. (Robert Wilkinson)
____ Is it wrong to go to sleep and dream of beating someone up, then wake up smiling about it? (Carrie Leigh)
____ If you can't say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do. (Jody Walker Stratton)
____ I dont know how people can laugh in photos & still look good.. I look like an awkward horse.(Anthony Nash)
____ Who the hell is this Will Power guy everyone is talking about? Maybe I'll run into him at the bar after my A.A. meeting. (Rich Stevenson)
____ I have a plethora of ways to sound like a douche. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ There are some people I know that I really wish weren't afraid of bears. (Arthur Mabry)
____ Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played (Justin Sayson)
____ I think the guy that came up with "try and walk a mile in my shoes".. just wanted to spread his foot fungus. (Toni Daniels)
____ For every "Like" I shall smack myself..... (Alex Romero)
____ dogs have arm pits and ass pits. People don't. Just another thing to be thankful for. (Lisa James)
____ I've been on this world for almost 60 years and I think I just figured out women... oh, wait, did I say women I meant how to tie my shoes, sorry. (Henry Andelmo)

____ The next time I find a cell phone in the bathroom at work, I am going to call someone at random from the address book and start using those key words that the NSA is supposedly monitoring just to see what happens. (Beau Diggity)
____ I hate those frozen t.v. dinners that gotta make things so complicated. Let's see, cut a vent in top, microwave on high 4 minutes then stir the potatoes. Wait...WHAT? Stir the potatoes? Who do I look like, Wolfgang Puck? (Shannon Root)
____ If I allow my boss to talk long enough he will eventually realize that I am right... (Donny Norris)
____ My biography is almost complete. Donny Norris, a cautionary tale.. (Donny Norris)
____ according to a recent study conducted, Monday has been voted “Least Popular Day of the Week” 176 years in a row. (Darlene Kowaleski Stewart)
____ That REALLY awkward moment ---- 12/22/2012. (Sara Lavoie)
____ Yesterday I gave my girlfriend some beautiful flowers like "Here, these are for you; Now watch them slowly die bahahaha.. because i love you. (Chris Peacock)
____ Tonight a heavy burden was lifted off my shoulders.... thank God that buff dude was in the gym and I'm never doing squats again.. (Donny Norris)
____ I once stood in the back and said "Everyone Attack!", but it never turned into a Ballroom Blitz. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ Tired? There's a nap for that. (Anthony Nash)
____ Ham sandwiches are partly responsible for the sandstorms in Hong Kong. This sentence is how I know that my boss never actually reads my weekly report.... (Donny Norris)
____ I drink while I work out. I call it Bacardio. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ Today the doc told me I have 2 yrs left to live. I was really disturbed by this. I mean, what am I gonna do on this earth by myself when the rest of you die in December? (Fitzroy Røbèrts)
____ If zombies eat the living and vultures eat the dead, what do zombie vultures eat and what do you mean this isn't an emergency, 911 operator? (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ So much negativity tonight...either some of you drink too much or you don't drink enough. (Bob TheMuppet Brittain)
____ I hate when I lose important things like keys, cell phones, and the will to live. (Matt Procella)
____ Yes, this is a banana in my pocket. And it's really happy to see you. And this PCP is delicious. (Dorraj Koob)
____ If you are over the age of 30 and are not addicted to anything yet...you are doing it wrong! (Tom Guntorius)
____ After years of being called 'behind the times', I've finally got a trendy haircut. Just check out my profile pic on MySpace, losers! (Danny Coleiro)
____ Wow - if you mix a ramen soup with extra crunchy peanut butter it tastes like I really need a girlfriend. (OverDose)
____ I hope one day I am wealthy enough to donate to every charity that sends me free address labels. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ Wholesome family shows make me want to strangle my children.. (Donny Norris)
____ Got a paper cut and didn't cry this time. Damn, it feels good to be gangsta. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ I force my dogs to watch those animal abuse commercials just so they know how good they have it. (Julie A Ostmann)
____ When someone posts that they're heading to the gym I feel like driving over there and exposing them in the lie. But I'm too busy partying and being super popular. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ People go about their normal everyday lives, getting on my nerves and never realizing how close to death they actually are. (Donny Norris)
____ It’s National Clean-Off-Your-Desk Day! It felt so good to throw everything onto the floor. (Lisa James)
____ I love wrong numbers! Me: Hello. Caller: Is Linda there? Me: Nope, she just took off with her boyfriend to Vegas, said something about getting married. Caller: What?!...click (Beau Diggity)
____ When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation of chocolate covered toothpaste. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ I'm on a roll.~ Pat of butter, probably. (Donny Norris)
____ We need to invest the time and money to make sure something like Limp Bizkit never happens again... (Lee Mays)
____ If Facebook gets any slower, I'm just going to jog to each of your houses and shout out stuff... (Lee Mays)
____ I'm going to the graveyard when the zombie apocalypse comes and play the coolest game of wack-a-mole EVER. (Donny Norris)
____ I was just thinking about making some changes in my life the first one would be resigning from my job as a middle age mom and re-applying to be a reckless teenager. (Julie A Ostmann)
____ Make no mistake between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are. (StevieLyn Batman-Green)
____ Don't bite the hand that feeds you. There's barely any meat on it. Go for the thighs. (Shafique Khatri)
____ "I wear a beret because that's how I baguette." - French people. (Danny Coleiro)
____ I have blood on my knee and I don’t know where it came from it must be a ninjury (Adam Apple)
____ Just looked up something on WebMD... It was nice knowing you guys. (OverDose)
____ Still not exactly sure why facebook wants me to know about tractor auctions. (Lisa James)
____ I just dipped my Kit Kat into peanut butter and now I know why dogs will bite you if you get too close to their food. (Tom Guntorius)
____ I don't know why it's sexy to suck your cheeks in and give darting glances around the room while you have one hand on your hip and your ass thrust extremely to one side...but I do it often. (Donny Norris)
____ I'm so broke and sad I don't have any cents of humor (Adam Apple)
____ Lecturing your kids about the dangers of drugs and alcohol would be a lot more effective if they didn't have access to your Facebook pictures. (Julie A Ostmann)
____ You know that game where your hands made a church and steeple, and you opened it up to see the people? Why the hell didn't it bother anyone that the people were all being hung from the rafters like a mass suicide? (Jack Olivar)
____ People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one's ass to fall off. (Jack Olivar)
____ If people are about to rock, I salute them. (Juliet Abram)
____ It's weird that Spider-Man doesn't eat bugs. (Matt Procella)
____ Props to Loverboy for not sellin' out and recording an "Everybody's Workin' For Their Wheat Thins" jingle. (Toni Daniels)
____ 'I know' is NOT a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his wife is in bed. (Adam Apple)
____ I wish Jon Bon Jovi was selling adrenaline instead of advil because then he could really get shot through the heart. (Lisa James)
____ Today I ended a long relationship. I'm not really upset or anything though, it wasn't even mine. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ I'm in so much debt that if I won the lottery I'd go from rags to name brand paper towels. (Nobo Dy)
____ I can't complain. I let Adele do that for me. (Juliet Rockspin)
____ created a drink called “wife needs to talk” ..it’s straight Vodka (Adam Apple)
____ According to my neighbor's diary, I have boundary issues. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ I love how people say "what the devil got into you?" like they've never been possessed by the devil before. Lol? (SamGirl Sunday)
____ If my cat had a facebook account his status would be Meow. (Adam Apple)
____ I'm really good at drawing ninjas, I'm kind of a martial artist. (Mya Sisnice)
____ Thinking bout creating a fake profile...is "White Chocolate Thunder" too much for a name?(Rae Broman)
____ If they could bottle sexiness I'd be terrified of suffocating in there. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Of course America is desperate for oil. Donkey Kong wasted thousands of barrels of it to kill Mario in the 80's. (Jack Olivar)
____ It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels. (Jennifer Holmes Medel)
____ There is no "We" in "Finding a place to bury your body." (Toni Daniels)
____ According to my voicemails, I was supposed to pick my mother up at the airport a month ago (Nobo Dy)

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