I'm continuing a series of Facebook status updates that my readers have contributed over the last year. It's been great to see that so many of these have been used all over the internet since they originated HERE, at My Status Is Baddest. I have an amazing FAN PAGE with hundreds of new status updates a day! Sure, there are other Facebook Status update websites out there, but I dare you to find one with more originality.
____ The nice thing about Facebook is that people can't see me constantly rolling my eyes. (MY STATUS IS BADDEST)
____ If someone flirts with you in the daytime it counts double. (Adam Apple)
____ Does anyone know how to make stapling someone's face to their desk look like an accident??? (Mike Seriously)
____ I wish Facebook had a "Remember when you were skinny in high school but now you're FAT, LOL" button (Leilani Christi)
____ About a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee. (Adam Apple)
____ I can tell by your sarcastic undertones, rude comments and sheer lack of common decency, that you and I could be best friends in no time. (Mustache Mann)
____ I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night. (Rae Broman)
____ My goldfish has been planking since last Thursday. (Jenniffer Diane Sassano)
____ I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere. (Victoria Beryl Zelinski)
____ The way to a man's heart is through low self esteem. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Whoa. The house telephone thingy just rang. Couldn't remember what to do so I stopped, dropped and rolled. (Chris Hallman)
____ If I were rich, I'd hire someone whose sole responsibility was to stand at tops of stairwells and high five me when I got to the top. (Leilani Christi)
____ I listen to the first 30 seconds of an accidental butt dial like I'm in an FBI van. (Rae Broman)
____ My friend wants a fairy tale wedding, so I’m going to poison her. I hope that’s what she meant. (Street Slim)
____ My body is not my temple. It's more like my bar and grill. (Mike Seriously)
____ My neighbor just got one of those expensive new invisible fences. What a dumbass, I can still see him. (Rae Broman)
____ Forget Viagara, I need a pill that makes my wife like me for four hours. (Tom Guntorius)
____ I call the black licorice flavored jelly beans "disappointment". (Arthur Mabry)
____ If you leave me a message saying "call me when you have a minute" I can guarantee you I will be busy for the rest of the day. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Ghetto Winnie the pooh says "Tigger, please". (Mike Seriously)
____ If I ever get summoned for jury duty, I plan on appearing in the courtroom in a puff of smoke and yelling, "WHO SUMMONED ME?" (Chris Hallman)
____ My co-worker accidentally drank from my Starbucks cup and said "your coffee tastes like BEER". (Mustache Mann)
____ I finished reading 'The Neverending Story' last night, so myth busted, I guess. (Justin John Bernard)
____ My grandmother just asked me why I don't have any photos on Facebook. Well, at least I know their privacy settings are working properly. (Josiane Be)
____ Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets. (Yuri Bee)
