Wednesday, April 11, 2012

____ I think people who challenge me at WORDS WITH FRIENDS are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words. (Donny Norris)
____ I decided to face reality today. Won't be doing that again in a hurry. (Tanya De Vito McMahon)
____ The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t exist. (Quirky Sally)
____ I was SO excited at work when they told me I was chosen for a random drug test! Turns out you shouldn't ask which ones you get to test. :( (Nikki Sholar)
____ Whenever someone asks me for directions I just start making sh*t up. I still wonder if that guy ever found Kaka Street. (Carrie Leigh)
____ I'm starting to think people are having babies solely for the Facebook likes. (James Baud)
____ The highlight of last week: Replacing the creamy middles of several Oreos with Pepsodent & dropping them off in the break room at work. (Eddie Olsen)
____ I'm a very organized person. I plan my day in such a way that I don't have to get up from my couch except for going to the loo and some days not even that. (GoldRobo Dancer Guy)
____ I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days. (Mustache Mann)
____ I just wrote go f*** yourself on a piece of paper and put it in the suggestion box at work. (Jack Wagon)
____ my New Year's Resolution is to stop making late decisions. (Adam Apple)
____ If I think you're hot and I want to have real and/or imaginary sex with you, I'm going to like your status even if it's stupid. (Kristi Baden)
____ I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I'm sorry...I can't start a status with such ridiculousness. (Bob MuppetMan Brittain)
____ I hate when someone calls me arrogant. Especially when they're clearly beneath me. (Tanya De Vito McMahon)
____ Most women are searching for a man who has a heart of gold...So they can cut it out of him and go hock it. (Donny Norris)
____ Defibrilators should be programmed to play "Kickstart my heart" by Motley Crew when you use them. (Lisa James)