____ My favorite ingredient in this trail mix is the Xanax. (MY STATUS IS BADDEST)
____ I think they call it the LIFETIME network because when you are forced to watch one of those stupid shoes IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT. (Donny Norris)
____ Where does Wi-fi go when it dissappears? Probably just around the corner laughing at me. (Glenn Jamin)
____ The day after my birthday I changed my birthdate to the next day on Facebook to test a theory. Yup, nobody cared then either. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ Last night my status was "sleeping naked." I got "likes" from 4 girls, 1 guy and 6 mosquitoes. (Jad Bou Karam)
____ Dear People Who Thought Ignoring Me Would Offend Me, HA HA HA! (Shannon Seymour)
____ Feminine sanitation jokes are inappropriate. Period. (Silas Nyaga Sub-Area)
____ I broke up with my treadmill. We're not working out. :( (Melissa Pineiro)
____ I'd jump in front of a train for you. As long as its not moving. (Pooja Pandey)
____ I failed a health and safety test at work today. The question was "What steps would you take if there was a fire?" "Big damn ones" was the wrong answer. (David Gall)
____ Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. (Egg Head)
____ It's called a car alarm but it only wakes me and never wakes the car. (Adam Apple)
____ Admit it! You're just afraid of the like button! (MindFreak Covert Operative)
____ Darth Vader had a helluva case of emphysema. (Lisa James)
____ I'm sure I'll regret posting this tomorrow. That's why I'm posting it TONIGHT! (Mustache Mann)
