Wednesday, April 11, 2012

____ Thanks to Facebook, whenever I go to a really great restaurant, I never tip the server. Instead, I write "Bob likes this" on the wall, flash them a thumbs up and walk out. (Bob MuppetMan Brittain)
____ I have a dark complexion. It matches my humor and my heart. (Lisa James)
____ Believe me, I have been trying really hard to pay attention to what you have to say, but somehow, "not giving a crap" always get in the way. (GoldRobo Dancer Guy)
____ "Like" this on credit and I will post something tomorrow. (Donny Norris)
____ Hey ladies, if you are looking for a tough, manly boyfriend, then that DEFINITELY wasn't me that ran screaming down the hall when I walked into that spider web. (Jack Olivar)
____ Hey, people who upload full movies to YouTube, get a life! Also, thank you. (Shafique Khatri)
____ I'm thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me." (Bald Beaver Hunter)
____ Life lesson #35890: You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't flick your friends out the car window. (Donna Hudon)
____ My friends all think I'm hilarious, but they're all potheads so I think that cancels it out. (Justin John Bernard)
____ If a group of necrophiliacs met a group of zombies, who would be chasing who? (Adam Apple)
____ I think we need to bring back the original lawn darts (Jarts, with the steel pointed ends of death). Natural selection isn't always a bad thing. (Mustache Mann)
____ Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today's responsibilities tomorrow's problem. (Jack Wagon)
____ Contrary to popular opinion, all the normal rules of driving still apply in a parking lot. (Carrie Leigh)