Friday, April 27, 2012

____ Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot? (Bob MuppetMan Brittain)
____ I put the o in illiterate (Adam Apple)
____ Making butt shaped meatloaf. (Lisa James)
____ I'm ok with house hunting as long as it's done humanely and you eat all the houses you kill. (SamGirl Sunday)
____ I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me. (Mustache Mann)
____ I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and sh*t myself. (Liam Sullivan)
____ Everyones first attempt at a passionate kiss looks like a mule trying to eat a sugar cube through a split rail fence. (Donny Norris)
____ I wrote a book called "How to Pick up Girls." Page 1 says: "Maybe buy a motorcycle? I dunno?" The rest is just pictures of people shrugging. (Eric Caro)
____ Looking at all the posts I make in here, you would never know I have a job. Looking at my paycheck makes me feel the same way (Mys ter E)
____ That was an awesome 2 hour nap! The best part is, I didn't hit a single tree or pedestrian. (Shafique Khatri)
____ I bought a self-help DVD online, called "How to Handle Disappointment". When the package arrived it was empty. (King Julien)
____ when my wife is angry with me, instead of giving me the silent treatment, she just keeps talking. (King Julien)
____ I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I'm up to 1 hour a day. I'm slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future. (Bob MuppetMan Brittain)
____ My wife and I got one of those board games for couples to spice things up. It quickly turned into a game of Sorry which led to me playing a game of Uno. (Mys ter E)