Tuesday, May 15, 2012

____ If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace. (MY STATUS IS BADDEST)
____ I was informed that all my statuses have sexual inuendos or booze in them. If you have a problem with that, I don't care. I'll be getting drunk and having sex. (Lisa James)
____ I don't understand fast food. I've been eating it for years but I seem to be getting slower and slower. (King Julien)
____ I'm not sure where I went wrong officer. I was only taught "left and right". Is there a blinker thingy on here for wrong turns? (Mustache Mann)
____ "Half a dozen" - Because "six" is way too long. (Hollywood Allan)
____ Anything you say in a small town can and will be used against you. (Carrie Leigh)
____ I just learned today that bacteria is not the back door of a cafeteria. (Adam Apple)
____ Note to self: Don't taunt the neighbor's bull dog while wearing flip flops. (Donny Norris)
____ Don't hump to conclusions just because it's Wednesday. (Stephanie Manera)
____ 0 mutual friends, and you're not even from my country. How the hell did you find me!? (James Baud)
____ I'm thinking about opening an online Facebook rehab clinic. (Jack Wagon)
____ If I had a penny for every time someone has called me lazy...I'd have...Oh forget it, I'll count it later. (Shafique Khatri)
____ My wife is so hot. There's no air conditioning in the kitchen. (Tom Guntorius)
____ Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I'm not reading it. (Shannon SeeMore)
____ Oh you got swag??? I bet that looks great on your welfare application. (Bald Beaver Hunter)