____ Mariah Carey doesn't have a TV in her bedroom so she has to watch Nick at night. (Mys ter E)
____ I'm not actually dangerously unbalanced. At most, I'm gracefully insane. (Sean Shipley)
____ I might put on a brave face, but those dolls with the glassy, blinking eyes freak me the hell out. (MY STATUS IS BADDEST)
____ If you put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig. A really hot pig, but still a pig. (Bob MuppetMan Brittain)
____ Sometimes I make up words and slip them into conversations just to see if anyone is actually profettishing attention to what I'm saying. (Danny Coleiro)
____ If I'm watching the rebroadcast of a game I never got to watch live and you tell me the score, I'll kill you. (King Julien)
____ This status is just a bookmark... so I know where I left off reading. (Jack Wagon)
____ The wife thinks I have a drinking problem. I think she has a bitching problem. (Dave Murawski)
____ Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make! Then they call me ugly and poor. (Hollywood Allan)
____ Make no mistake, I am the BOSS in this house! BETTER OFF STAYING SILENT (Donny Norris)
____ Sometimes I click my heels 3 times before I shove them up your ass. For good luck. (Lisa James)
____ "Dear God, mama says that you aren't supposed to ask for money. So, if you could send me some gift cards I would be grateful." -my daughters (Carrie Leigh)
____ My mom loves to remind me of that birthday where I ran around in my diaper throwing cake at people. ITS BEEN A WHOLE YEAR MOM, LET'S MOVE ON. (Gerti Kola)
____ Monkeys probably make really funny faces when eating sour candies, but, thanks to PETA, we may never know. (Eric Caro)
____ My boss just gave me an award for Most Productive Employee for last month. I think our company is in BIG trouble. (Mys ter E)
____ 50 bucks says Jack & Diane gets a divorce. (Tom Guntorius)
____ The year is 1786. One man...on one horse...jumps over 14 carriages set on fire. Thus, the legend began for...Medieval Kenevil. (William Hale)
____ Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I'm scared that it's closed. (Lamija Husic)
____ I was given a disciplinary regarding my poor attendance at work. Unfortunately I couldn't make it. (Hollywood Allan)
____ I must learn to accept my own limitations. For example, I cannot dig a hole big enough nor deep enough to bury ALL the bodies. (Carrie Leigh)