____ This crazy chick figured out all the accounts I was stalking her with. What a psycho!! (Tom Guntorius)
____ The economy is so bad I just heard a guy ask a lady if she would like to go out for dinner OR a movie? (Donny Norris)
____ Uno gross face. (Just dusting up on my Spanish.) (Lisa James)
____ The easiest way for me to tell if a woman is really listening to me is if she rolls her eyes. (Nobo Dy)
____ Some stupid girl just called me immature which is ridiculous...because I'm 21 and a half. (King Julien)
____ I tried grilling a chicken at lunch time. "Ok, I'll ask you one more time. Why did you cross the road?" (Shannon SeeMore)
____ My marriage is very successful because my spouse is a figment of my imagination. (MY STATUS IS BADDEST)
____ I'm a firm believer in punctuality. So, what's wrong with showing up at the funeral home before my ex is dead? (Mustache Mann)
____ Took a random unmarked pill I found on the floor because times are tough and no matter what happens it'll make for a good Status. (James Baud)
____ I just found a giant booger under the desk. I will love him, and hug him, and squeeze him, and I will call him George. (Dave Prange)
____ I was invited to a penis recital...WTF? Oh my bad, it's a pianist recital. (Quirky Sally)
____ Iron Man is a superhero. Iron Woman is a command. (Daniel Kilonzo)
____ I bet this status is not gonna make it to the blog. (Shafique Khatri)
____ Today I had some ice cream without sprinkles. Diets are brutal. (Jenni More)
____ So proud of myself. Even though I didn't make it to the gym earlier today, I got my ass up off the couch and changed the channel. (Stephanie Manera)
____ is having a screw driver...minus the orange juice. (Chasity Myers)
____ I'm glad you like my post. I just hope you don't try to comment and ruin it. (Ime Anass)
____ If you ever buy a toilette in which the manufacture states you can flush up to 15 golf balls without clogging it up, don't ever try it. That's all I am sayin'. (Beau Diggity)
____ I would switch cell-phone providers if one had an "unsend my drunk text" option. (Quirky Sally)