____ Hey, person I went to high school with: If your Facebook friend request is more communication than we had in high school, the answer is no. (MY STATUS IS BADDEST)
____ The first rule of foot up your ass club is stfu. (Lisa James)
____ "My nickname is "Snooze" because I get hit on a lot!" - A really funny joke between me and my tenth margarita, as I sit here drinking alone. (Mya Sisnice)
____ All this time I thought I was listening to the Angel on my shoulder. Turns out the Devil on the other shoulder is just a hell of a ventriloquist. (Jack Olivar)
____ When I die I want my gravestone to say, "Don't just stand there, water my flowers!!" (Donna Scott)
____ What is wrong with me!!!? Asking for a friend. (Eric Caro)
____ Roses are red and violets are blue, which makes "violet" a really stupid name for them. (Danny Coleiro)
____ Simple cure for childhood obesity: Ice Cream Trucks that don't Stop. (Lisa James)
____ I love the look on people's faces, standing soaked in the rain at the bus stop as I drive past. It's partly why I became a bus driver. (King Julien)
____ Siri never talks to me. Probably because I don't have an iPhone 4. (Stacy Kaetterhenry Fournier)
____ WHAT'S THE POINT OF BEING A PSYCHIC HOTLINE IF YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHERE MY OTHER SHOE IS?!? (Brian Vicenti)
____ Apparently, 3.1 out of 8.4 people overcomplicate things. (Shafique Khatri)
____ I've been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house. (Jack Olivar)
____ Swallowing goldfish crackers with spaghetti noodles tied around them is the closest I'm going to get to fishing. So if you'll excuse me, I have a bottle of vodka to slam. The seas are about to get rough! (Jack Wagon)
____ I like to see things from others' perspective, but they don't appriciate me pushing them from their spot or climbing the top of their heads to see what they see. Mean people! (Slinky Shrupti)
____ Cat picture. Car picture. Stupid update. Cat picture.Food picture.Cat picture. Emotional rant. Cat picture. Emotional rant about a cat. Cat picture. Stupid update. Cat picture. Cat picture. WHAT HAVE WE BECOME?! (Donny Norris)
____ There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them. (Stacy Kaetterhenry Fournier)
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