____ Oh, nothing. Just doing a little late night stalking. (Lisa James)
____ I'm tired of writing "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails, maybe I should just get an iPhone. (Javier Spartikus Malave)
____ I was at the grocery store check out line reading the cover of People Magazine when it dawned on me...I'm naked. (Bob MuppetMan Brittain)
____ I literally get 1/2 of my news from piecing together actual events based off of your Facebook statuses. (Lone Rider)
____ I was fighting with this guy over who's lazier. I let him win. (Mahesh Shroff)
____ Where should we drink lunch today? (Ray Cukui Hernandez)
____ I have learnt how to play various kinds of violins...you could say I'm violingual. (King Julien)
____ Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? Asking for a friend. (Jason Mykl Snyman)
____ I have been through the desert on a horse with no name. Ok, it had a name but I forgot it. (Mys ter E)
____ I'm not one to brag, but I could have been in this years Olympics if they had an event where you fall over things without spilling your beer. (Dave NoMoneyhoney Blum)
____ I say, "Watching gymnastics" because it's manlier than saying, "Watching hairless muscled men in spandex unitards compete for jewelry". (Daniel Kilonzo)
____ Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn't that funny anyway. (Gary Hensley)
____ I can always tell when my boyfriend wants sex, he begins the conversation with "I was thinking about what you said and you're right." (Rita Filakia)
____ I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. "Nude beach" is my personal favorite. (Mustache Mann)
____ If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine. (Lisa James)
____ If I suddenly repost your whole timeline... It's either cause I'm drunk and bored or high and bored or both and bored, but never just bored OK? (Jack Wagon)
____ you can lead one to your status, but you cant make them "like". (Jessica Kennedy)
____ If you can't trust a bunch of random strangers on the Internet, who can you trust? (Matt Procella)
____ :-) :-( :-D :-| ;) ;^) :'-) :/ (-_-) - HEYY!!! Stop playing with my emoticons!! (GoldRobo Dancer Guy)
____ Being a trampolinist is a career of ups and downs. (Hollywood Allan)
____ If people could hear the five seconds after we hit "end" on a call, we would all have no friends. (Frank Enstein)
____ I can't stand people who waste my time...because time is money, got my money on my mind all the time and the mind is a terrible thing to waste. Something like that. (Stephanie Manera)
____ Kids next door are having a water war, so I'm going to take my daughter's super soaker and fill it with vodka. They'll think they've won till I take out my lighter. (Amy Smith Wexler)
____ If I have ever made you laugh, I have done my job. If I have ever made you throw up in your mouth some, I have exceeded all expectations! (Beau Diggity)
____ They should play the national anthem of the bronze medalist too, but with an air horn/cowbell ensemble so they know their place. (Jacque Bourne-Hubbard)
____ Two words-----Febreeze Underwear. (Todd Landon Wildig)
____ Sure…all you ladies have plans to change me, but as soon as I crap my pants suddenly no one wants the job?!?! (Jack Olivar)
____ My boss told me 85,000,000 times today that I really need to stop exaggerating. (Stacy Kaetterhenry Fournier)
____ I hate everyone. Sorry. I mean I hate waking up too early. (Sean Shipley)
____ Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can't make coffee. (Daniel Kilonzo)
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