I DIDN'T FACEBOOK YOU. VODKA FACEBOOKED YOU. MORE STATUS UPDATES ABOUT DRINKING / BEING DRUNK:

ARE YOU TOO DRUNK TO COME UP WITH A FUNNY FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE? MY BLOG AND FACEBOOK FAN PAGE HAVE PROVIDED WITTY, ALCOHOL-RELATED STATUS UPDATES SINCE 2009. HERE ARE SOME OF THEM:

____ Part of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don't listen to that guy. He's drunk." (Jay'Arr Zone'Dee Stewart)
____ On Saturday mornings my kitchen counter looks like a beer memorial. (Lisa James)
____ Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll sit on a boat all day drinking beer and holding a fishing pole. (Sarah Burns)
____ In college, I was the Brett Favre of retiring from drinking. (Chris Hallman)
____ If drinking destroys your memory…what does drinking do? (Kristie Jackson Schibbelhute)
____ If you're drunk enough, everything can be a piñata. (Mike Seriously)
____ I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is? (Rhoda Noland)
____ Still crazy after all these beers. (Lisa James)
____ Every time I get something stuck in my throat, I just dislodge it by drinking a pint of lager. It's called the Heineken Maneuver. (Jason Diederich)
____ I miss you like my hand misses holding a beer. (Sharon Petracek)
____ I may be drunk but that doesn't give you the right to take advantage of me...said myself to myself. (Jason Diederich)
____ Remember, if you get too drunk to drive tonight, drink until you pass out where you are. (Tom Guntorius)
____ I don't always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer. (Bob MuppetMan Brittain)
____ Just saw some statistics about the way that people walk when drunk. They were staggering! (Hollywood Allan)
____ Can't we just cut out the middleman and start watering orange trees with vodka?
(Jack Olivar)

DRUNK FACEBOOK

____ never plans on saying dumb things but then alcohol happens. (MY STATUS IS BADDEST)
____ This may be the best beer ever! But I'll drink the other 11 just to make sure. (Mike Seriously)
____ Alcohol doesn't make me an angry person, people do. (Nawnee Kuuipo K)
____ I don't know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur. (Richard Earle Crown)
____ I've been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...(Hugh Jorgan)
____ Officer, you sure ask a lot of questions for someone that doesn't even know me. (Mustache Mann)
____ I did nothing all day long. I deserve a drink. (Stephanie Manera)

If you liked these, please consider becoming a FAN ON FACEBOOK. If you hate laughing and funny things, then it's probably not your thing. However, I DID say please, and that's really rare these days. Do you really want to hurt me?